The most taboo in education is a group of parents who are lying flat and are desperately trying to chicken babies

A few days ago, a news rushed to the hot search: "A boy in Shijiazhuang ran away from class, and when the rescue team found it, the child said that he was stressed and didn't want to go home, and his family signed up for a lot of study classes." ”

Seeing this news, I remembered that a few days ago, my mother-in-law had a video call with her best friend who I hadn't seen for ten years, and the two chatted for 2 hours, from the parents to the sons and grandchildren. Speaking of her grandson, her mother-in-law's best friend sighed: "Today's children are so pitiful, doing homework until eleven or twelve o'clock every day." ”

The mother-in-law, who couldn't understand, questioned: "The child gets out of school very early, why do you do it so late." ”

"You don't know, my grandson still has cram school after school, and he has to write his homework after dinner, and now it's half past ten, and he is still writing in the living room with her mother. ”

I believe that these two children are the epitome of the children in many of our families, and we have always felt that children cannot lose at the starting line, so when they first entered primary school, they were crowded with various cram schools and interest classes.

But we never thought, is this the life they want?

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In the movie "The Sun Shines", his father Lao Chen has 2 sons.

The eldest son, Ah Hao, is a typical "child of someone else's family", he is excellent in character and learning, tall and handsome;

is such a young man who shines as brightly as the sun, on an extremely ordinary night, tidied up his room, packed his clothes, jumped from the window, and committed suicide.

It turned out that the perfect Ah Hao seemed glamorous, but he carried all the expectations of his parents, and told people outside that there was only one son, and when he got home, he said to Ah Hao:

"My brother can't make it, I can only rely on you, you are the hope of our whole family......"

His father also gave him a notebook that he regarded as a treasure, which read, "Grasp the time, grasp the direction".

But Ah Hao never wrote a word in his notebook until he died, because all his time was devoted to studying, and there was no room for himself.

Before committing suicide, Ah Hao wrote in a text message:

"We went to the zoo the other day and it was so sunny that all the animals couldn't stand it.

I looked around, and all animals could find shadows to hide, including you, my brother, and even Sima Guang could find a corner with shadows.

But I didn't, I didn't have a water tank, I didn't have a dark place, just sunshine, 24 hours a day, bright and warm, the sun was shining. ”

Although his younger brother Arwen causes trouble everywhere, he will cause trouble for his beloved, and he will be angry and sad, bursting with the vitality of life.

And the flawless Ah Hao, although he is as brilliant as the sun forever, is like a walking corpse, lifeless.

No one pays attention to his joys, sorrows, and sorrows, and the whole point of his life is to study hard and fulfill his parents' expectations.

Therefore, after he failed to enter medical school, his life collapsed all of a sudden, and he could only seal himself in the best years with death.

Everyone wants to have their own independent will and have their own independent space, which is the fundamental driving force of life.

If parents ruthlessly occupy the will of the child and encroach on the child's independent space, it will only deprive the child of the "shadow" of life and damage the child's vitality.

Some time ago, Xu Haijun, the attending doctor of the Department of Emergency Medicine of the First Affiliated Hospital of Tsinghua University, encountered such a case when he was on duty:

There was a 16-year-old girl with depression who was taking a lot of medication at home and wanted to commit suicide.

As soon as she was taken to the hospital to wash her stomach, the girl's mother asked:

"Will the child be able to go to school tomorrow?"

At that time, it was already early in the morning.

In this regard, Dr. Xu sighed helplessly: "If the child has psychological problems, adults must also see a psychiatrist. ”

Another pediatrician also shared his experience in the comment area, a child with depression who is being hospitalized in the Wuhan Mental Health Center.

Once, the child's mother stopped the doctor in charge of the treatment and asked if she could help send the child's homework in.

This scene can't help but remind me of the "theater effect" in psychology:

"In the cinema, everyone was sitting and watching movies.

Suddenly, a man stood up, blocking the view of those behind him. The people behind had no choice but to stand up as well. Gradually, everyone stood up. ”

When a child is sick, parents are not distressed.

Just the thought of other children struggling to learn makes these anxious parents afraid to let their children stop.

But as child psychiatrist Cao Qingjiu said:

"There is a lot of social pressure, and it is passed down layer by layer, and the weakest link is these children.

In order to win at the starting line, very young children have to be involved in the track and under a lot of pressure. If you put too much pressure on your child at the beginning, it will crush your child. ”

Writer Wang Appetite once told such a story:

Wang has a small appetite, and the two of them attach great importance to the education of their children, and feel that sending their children to a good school is equivalent to a layer of insurance, and they can be successfully admitted to university, even if they train their sons to become talents.

So, when I was in elementary school, I sent my child to the best local primary school;

When he arrived in middle school, he spent a lot of money to stuff his son into a private boarding school in the provincial capital;

After the high school entrance examination, he asked someone to transfer his son to a key high school.

But his son's grades have never improved, not only that, but in good schools where school tyrants are everywhere, his son is often disliked by teachers and classmates.

The child tried to communicate with his parents, but in exchange for the beating of his father.

Once, the teacher called the child's mother to complain, but the child's father found out about it, and he was punched and kicked again.

The next day, my son, who had just turned 18, jumped from the 10th floor of the school building......

I agree with Peking University professor Liu Qing's sentence that involution has to pay a price.

Parents' excessive anxiety and obsession with prestigious schools have been transformed into pressure on children's immature shoulders, casting a heavy shadow on children's hearts and making them fall into a black hole of self-harm and self-destruction.

In order to stimulate his sixth-grade daughter's interest in ancient literature, a father in Ningbo, Zhejiang Province, spent more than 20 days rewriting his father's and daughter's favorite cartoon "Spirited Away" into a 7,000-word classical Chinese.

Seeing her father writing ancient Chinese, the girl was also eager to try, and she wrote a "Summer" in ancient Chinese, and the writing was quite good.

Speaking of his daughter's achievements, the father said that he mainly relies on words and deeds to educate his children.

As long as the child is at home, he will try not to watch TV, and if he does, he will also watch some documentaries and classic anime works.

Since childhood, father and daughter have been "studying" together every night, and when the child is doing homework in the study, he will sit quietly by the side and read a book.

In his opinion, this is not for supervision, but for companionship.

I can't help but think of a quote from the writer Tolstoy:

"All education, or 999 out of 1,000 education, is due to example, to the uprightness and perfection of the parents themselves. ”

When we do a good job ourselves, children will naturally get a positive influence in the ears and eyes.

Parents of the third class lose their temper, parents of the second class are reasonable, and parents of the first class will do their best.

Many times, what kind of person a parent is is far more important than what is done for the child.

If we want our children to read books, we have to put down our mobile phones and pick up books with our children to read;

If we want children to be polite, we must first learn not to yell or scream;

If we want to teach a truth to our children, we have to practice it ourselves.

The best way to lift a child is to be strict with yourself, know how to learn and reflect, and be a good leader for children.