When it comes to cheating, many people first think of physical betrayal, but mental detachment is more like an invisible dagger that makes their partner feel painful.
And the man with the dagger can still use clever quibbles.
A psychologist once said, "The worst betrayal often doesn't require any physical contact." ”
I saw a hot search: #Married men regularly delete female customer chat history# .
Click in to take a look, it turns out that there is a clip from the recently hit TV series "Xiaoman Life".
In the play, Chen Li, played by Ren Zhong, and Hou Yuanyuan, played by Zhang Lingxin, have been married for many years and are a long-distance couple.
This couple seems to have a strong personality and the man looks like a good gentleman, but in fact, emotionally, Chen Li has always had the upper hand, and even ignores his wife very coldly.
There are two details in the play:
First, the family finally got together, Chen Li had endless words to his daughter, but he had nothing to say to his wife, and in the face of his wife's ambiguous hints when he was sleeping, Chen Li also deliberately pretended to be asleep to avoid.
The second is that he knew that his wife was allergic to cat hair, but he allowed his daughter to have a cat, and even later helped his daughter send the cat to his wife and daughter, without caring about his wife's health at all.
Of course, his wife Hou Yuanyuan also has the problem of being too controlling in this marriage, and Hou Yuanyuan is obviously insecure about long-distance marriages, so she quietly installed surveillance at home.
Chen Li didn't know about it originally, but when he found out later, he deliberately pretended not to know.
Even when Hou Yuanyuan returned home, he carefully inspected every corner of the house to see if there were any traces of abnormality.
At first glance, you will feel that his wife Hou Yuanyuan's desire to control is very suffocating, but if you take a closer look, you can find that her desire to control is not without reason.
First of all, this marriage was forced by her.
In order to marry Chen Li, Hou Yuanyuan lied to him that he was pregnant, so the two could get married.
After marriage, Chen Li has always been lukewarm to her, always avoiding married life, and also resentful of her cheating marriage.
So in this marriage, Hou Yuanyuan lacked the sense of security of the foundation of love.
Secondly, Chen Li's feminine popularity is very good, and this is also because he is always more patient with other women, and even cares too much.
His good brother once complained:
"There's one thing I'm particularly curious about, why are you so prosperous?
Not to mention, the flight attendant upstairs, recently this is the proprietress of the travel agency where you work part-time. ”
And he has a good relationship with women, not only because he is attractive, but also because he has no sense of proportion, and always has a non-refusal and irresponsible attitude.
He even likes to show himself in front of the opposite sex, and when friends get together, in the face of the troubles of other members of the opposite sex, before the others say anything, he begins to take care of everything.
Hou Yuanyuan saw two sour sentences in the monitoring:
"It's crazy again, the peacock man's problem just can't be changed, when he sees a beautiful woman, he opens the screen, endlessly, you are the best!"
Her complaints also show that he is such a character, always caring for and helping women other than his wife.
So in this case, the husband and wife are in different places, and it is even more difficult for Hou Yuanyuan to have a sense of security.
Until the appearance of Feng Dan, the contradiction between the couple was completely detonated.
Feng Dan is a client of Chen Li's part-time job, she has an unhappy marriage, she was deceived in her first marriage, and now her husband is a domestic violence man.
The two of them don't need to have much contact at work, but Chen Li went to Feng Dan's house in the middle of the night many times to solve work problems.
And Feng Dan always confided in him about his marital troubles, asked him for help many times, and even found Chen Li, a married man, in the middle of the night when he was subjected to domestic violence, and asked to take him in.
And Chen Li actually agreed, and the two lived under the same roof with Hou Yuanyuan on their backs.
In the process of living together, although the two did not have a relationship, they wore couple pajamas, helped her buy feminine products, had dinner together, and often hugged each other.
Chen Li gave Feng Dan all the gentleness, thoughtfulness and patience that he didn't give his wife, who didn't think that this was a genuine loving couple?
After the two were found out by their wife living together, Chen Li quibbled that they did not have a relationship, he did not betray the marriage, Feng Dan was a poor woman who was abused by the family, and he was just kind enough to help her.
There is nothing wrong with helping her, but is there no better way to help? Do you have to live together?
It was not a relationship, but he knew very well that his behavior was inappropriate, so he turned off the surveillance, so he hid it from his wife, and that's why he deleted the chat history.
He knew that what he did would hurt his wife, but he did it anyway, and he knew that what he was doing was wrong, but he did it anyway.
Isn't it hurting just because you didn't have a relationship?
In my opinion, this is even more disgusting and mouth-watering than substantial cheating!
In the complex environment of modern society, people often face some seemingly subtle but actually extremely far-reaching problems in dealing with marital relationships.
For example, the definition and understanding of "spiritual derailment" - spiritual derailment, an invisible and intangible emotional derailment, a kind of mental distraction.
This indulgence of desire, although it may seem like no substantial betrayal, also destroys the strength of the marriage.
It leaves no visual evidence, but it can carve a heart-wrenching scar on the wife's heart, and this kind of injury will be more fatal and painful for the other half.
It cannot be as obvious as physical injury, but it can be more deadly, touching the heart directly.
For it means that the mind has been changed and marital fidelity has been renounced.
Human nature is complex and changeable, and it hovers between reason and desire, logic and contradiction.
However, the marriage contract requires us to restrain our desires, respect each other, and value and respect this commitment.
When we promise to protect each other, we are not only protecting each other from physical harm, but also ensuring that we are the only one in the emotional world.
Bi Shumin once said: "Marriage is not only happiness, it is a festival, it is a joy between two loves, it is life and death, it is also a test, it is a torment." ”
And the maintenance of marriage requires the trust of two hearts, the solidarity of two people, and mutual loyalty.
There is no perfect lover, there is no perfect marriage, the world is full of temptation, if you want to protect the shell of marriage, you can't just rely on one person's efforts, but two people's consciousness, two people's dedication.
Marriage is not easy, do it and cherish it!