When I was a child, we accompanied our parents, went to the east house as a guest, and went to the west house to pay New Year's greetings.
I don't know when you don't want to go to your relatives and friends' homes anymore, even for the Chinese New Year, you don't bother to go.
If you look at it, there are more and more people who have similar thoughts and behaviors as you.
With questions, look at the story of the "Three Birds" written in "Zhuangzi", and the answer is in it.
At a certain age, the interaction between relatives and friends is becoming more and more realistic, and the distance between people's hearts transcends the distance of space.
01
"High-flying birds": different levels, can't talk about one piece.
There is a peng bird that flies over the sea and can hit its huge splash with a flap of its wings.
It can only stop once every six months.
A cicada and a little gray finch saw the Peng bird and mocked: "We take off quickly, that is, to the height of the elm tree, and sometimes we have to fall on the branches to rest, why do you go 90,000 miles away?"
Peng Niao wanted to explain, but he couldn't explain it clearly.
Zhuangzi said: "Small knowledge is not as good as big knowledge, and small years are not as good as big years." ”
People have different cognitions and different destinies, so different levels are naturally formed. If you have to talk together, it will definitely be very uncomfortable.
There is a way to chat, called "awkward chat".
You talk about how good a big city is, but the other party says that there is too much dust in a big city and that human nature is complicated;
If you want to pursue poetry and distance, people will come directly to say: "Isn't it just to see the mountains, it's at my doorstep." ”
Yes, relatives and friends who were originally at the same level have changed over the years and have become people at different levels. You go to the door, or he comes to the door, it's very difficult to chat.
I can't talk to each other, but we are all in the same room, how can I live for a while?
As a last resort, many people find a way to eliminate embarrassment – look down at their phones.
Are you the same as me, who did you go to, simply say hello, and then look down at your phone, until you eat. Put down your job and leave non-stop, otherwise, you still look at your phone.
I originally wanted to go to the door, everyone get to know each other, and see if they could resonate, but you were disappointed after all.
If you want to go far and fly high, don't chat with the autumn cicadas and the gray sparrows, their words will definitely anger you.
02
"Caged Bird": Too much care, flattering.
A seabird flew to the country of Lu.
I wanted to see the customs of the Lu country, but the king of the Lu country was too enthusiastic, and arranged food, music, song and dance troupes, and welcomed seabirds.
You can't sweep away the prosperity of the people of Lu, and the seabird is reluctantly sitting in the middle of everyone.
Some people raise their wine glasses and try to persuade the seabirds to have a drink, some people pick up vegetables and ask the seabirds if they want fatty fish, some people sing songs and ask "is it good", and some people arrange seats, and some people act as guards to protect everyone......
The seabird didn't know what to do, and was too embarrassed to fly away, trapped by the "cage" of feelings.
Zhuangzi said: "This is to raise birds by oneself, not to raise birds with birds." ”
Treat guests in the best way they do, but the guests don't like it. In the end, the guests were depressed and sat on pins and needles.
Once, when I went to my aunt's house, I brought out a bowl of soup with fatty meat, red dates, eggs, and sweet wine.
The eldest aunt said, "In our hometown, if we can drink this bowl of soup, it will be a blessing." ”
With a bowl of soup in my hand, I didn't know if I should put it down or keep holding it. It tastes good, but I'm not really hungry.
When I didn't move the chopsticks, my aunt fell in the face: "I'm not good at craftsmanship?"
I don't know why, because of my stubbornness, everyone was disappointed. My mother criticized me for being ignorant.
Nowadays, the living conditions of every family are better, but many relatives and friends still regard everyone as "not enough". Every time you visit, be sure to use the best meals and have a particularly large portions.
For some reason, I often think of a sentence - I am full of food and hold on.
The dining table with big fish and meat, and the living room with a lot of snacks, are often too polite, which makes everyone very unnatural.
finally understood that the so-called "politeness" is not only polite, but also very much like a "routine", trapping yourself in it. You can't save face, you can't give face, you can only bear it. Everything is the opposite of everything.
03
"Profit-seeking birds": mercenary, which makes people's spines chill.
There was a magpie with eyes fixed on the praying mantis in front of it.
What about the praying mantis? staring at the cicada in front of it.
庄子在树下，拿起弹弓，盯着鹊。
Just as he was about to touch the slingshot, Zhuangzi found himself standing next to the abyss and stuck out his tongue in fright.
Put away the slingshot and leave.
Zhuangzi complained to himself: "Today, I am swimming in the carved tomb and forgetting my body." ”
The praying mantis catches the cicada, and the magpie follows. This story is to tell us not to see the benefits and forget about safety.
A lot of relatives and friends, when they associate with you, are staring at your value and asking you for help. As soon as he was not careful, he took himself to the circle of interests.
Relatives and friends come to the door with gifts, do you accept them or not?
收礼物，拿人钱财，替人消灾。
If you don't want gifts, people will definitely say: "You have forgotten your kindness and don't want blood." ”
During the holidays, you went to a relative's house as a guest, and you were originally beaming. When relatives know that you are doing well and beg you to help with errands, they will immediately be disjoyed. After all, it's not easy.
If your relatives give you benefits, you should also be careful, maybe if you do it for love, you will violate the law and harm yourself.
Don't talk about interests, just socialize, there are too few relatives and friends like this.
On the whole, if you don't go to the door, you don't want others to come to the door, if you have something to say, you are not afraid of saving face, but it is better.
04
Sooner or later, you will know where there will be people who like to be lonely, but are just afraid of disappointment.
When we are disappointed in our relatives and friends, or after years of change, our feelings have changed and we have different levels, then we will gradually drift away.
There are phases in the interaction between people, one time and another.
Zhuangzi and Keiko were originally good friends, but after Keiko became a big official, Zhuangzi, who was fishing, saw it from a distance and immediately hid. Try not to meet in person, which is the best arrangement.
We also learn from Zhuangzi and live our own small life, and it is better to be happy than to be happy alone.
Year after year, year after year, people are different. Today, compared to yesterday, today is not what it used to be.
Go forward bravely and meet the people you should meet, not because you like the new and hate the old, but because you go with the flow.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.