Kexin has a neighbor who has always been indifferent. When he was a child, every time he played with him, he often behaved very shy and restrained, loved to keep his head down, and did not like to speak.
Now he is also very unconfident, and because he is afraid of socializing, he has missed several promotion opportunities. Even when he reaches the age of being urged to marry, he doesn't want to fall in love, because he is sensitive and afraid of rejection, and it is difficult to establish an intimate relationship with someone......
Kexin used to complain about his indifference and difficulty, but later realized that he might be an "avoidant personality".
01
What is Avoidant Personality Disorder?
"Avoidant personality" is avoidant personality disorder, which is also a type of mental illness. This type of person usually has a low evaluation of their own abilities, is extremely sensitive to negative evaluations, and will refuse to participate in social activities for fear of being rejected by criticism and cannot tolerate negative evaluations.
As a result, it often manifests as avoidance of social interactions, intimate relationships, conflicts, and challenges...... Avoid all people and things that may cause harm to them.
Over time, these inferiority complex and social inhibition behaviors will have a negative impact on their lives, such as: "autism" due to fear of contact with strangers, and refusal to socialize will affect their career development and interpersonal relationships.
There are many predisposing factors for avoidant personality, such as genetics, traumatic experiences in childhood, etc., but having avoidant behaviors does not mean that it is avoidant personality.
02
If you have an avoidant personality
That's how you should heal yourself
1. Break the stigma and enhance self-recognition
As an "avoidant personality", you usually show low self-esteem and sensitivity, especially afraid of negative comments from others, afraid to socialize with others, and have a "sense of shame". It may be that you have a wrong perception of yourself. Maybe your ability is really good, but because of low self-esteem, you feel that you can't do it, and you are afraid of being criticized, so you choose to escape.
Therefore, it is necessary to reduce the cognition of unconfidence, improve self-evaluation, pay more attention to the good side of yourself in life, learn to see your own shining points, and enhance self-confidence.
2. Positive self-suggestion to stimulate potential
Why love to avoid socializing, avoiding problems, because you are always thinking about bad results, this kind of negative automatic thinking will definitely hinder you from becoming better and progressing. Therefore, whether you are facing challenges or unknowns, you must learn to give yourself positive psychological cues.
Because positive psychology tells us that this kind of suggestion makes people more confident, responds to things in a more positive way, and stimulates their own potential, such results are usually not too bad.
3. Record the "highlight moments" to reduce avoidance
In life, you may choose to avoid certain things because you feel embarrassed and afraid of rejection. But in fact, many reasons are your "imaginary enemies", so if you want to change the status quo, you must overcome your avoidance mentality, and you can start by recording the "highlight moments" of the past.
For example, you took the initiative to accept a colleague's invitation to dinner today, and you also said a few more words at the dinner table...... These things that are usually difficult for you to do are now your "highlight moments", and you can record the psychological changes and happiness at that time, so as to help yourself bravely face the outside world and reduce avoidance.
4. Seek professional help
When you can't rely on the above methods to relieve your self-state, or you really don't have the courage to deal with the outside world, you may wish to seek help from a professional psychologist. They will accompany you through professional psychotherapy to help you better understand your condition and relieve your symptoms.
03
The people around you are avoidant personalities, how to get along?
If you have someone with this personality disorder, it's also important to get along with them and do so to help them get better:
1. Don't force the other person to open themselves
There are many types of avoidance behaviors, and apathy and quietness in daily life are also common avoidance manifestations. It's hard for them to make a change, so you can't just force him to be cheerful and confident to socialize with people, but give him a certain amount of space. Let him have a buffer time, slowly open himself up from psychology to behavior, and reduce avoidance behaviors when getting along with others.
2. Actively communicate and give encouragement
In the face of relatives and friends who love to avoid, we must accept each other, understand each other, and believe in each other. When the other party has avoidance behavior, understand that this is probably not his intention, but just an internal Xi mechanism.
Therefore, encourage the other person more, recognize his strengths, communicate with him more, and express your appreciation, so as to help him reduce his inferiority complex and become confident and energetic.
3Understand the other person and pay attention to your own emotions at the same time
As someone close to you, you are likely to be hurt by the other person's avoidance. While you can understand the other party, you should also pay attention to your true feelings, not overindulge the other party's hurtful behavior, set your own bottom line, prioritize your own feelings, and avoid being hurt, so as to better help the other party.