Friends are friendly, I am Miao Baoping, a psychological counselor, and the name of the network is like dust.
Today we continue to read Dr. Yue Xiaodong's book "The Feeling of Ascending to Heaven: I Did Psychological Counseling at Harvard University": "Chapter 2 I have a deep guilt for my sister".
Case studies
1. What lessons I learned from counseling for Monica – the pitfalls of empiricism
My counseling for Monica was a bit like playing hide-and-seek.
At first, I couldn't "catch" her because I was completely empirical, but it turned out to be an "alliance" with her father, urging her to stay at Harvard. Later, Monica could not catch me again, because I no longer took the initiative to talk to her about the Harvard stay problem, which invisibly pushed her to talk to Caroline about this issue. In doing so, she no longer passively relied on the help of others to make decisions, but through communication with her sister, she saw for herself whether she should stay at Harvard.
In this way, I went from "I enter and retreat" to "I retreat from the other", which not only freed Monica from the psychological burden for a long time, but also made a decision that satisfied everyone, but also made myself have a deeper understanding of the essence of psychological counseling, that is, psychological counseling also contains the complementarity of virtual reality and the balance of yin and yang.
Initially consulting for Monica, I simply developed a very thoughtful study plan for monica based on my past life experience and counseling experience. However, at that time, I had not yet figured out the root cause of Monica's problem, and no matter how well and feasible the study plan was, it could not untie Monica's heart knot, so it was no wonder that she felt a headache when she saw it. It's all because I'm so anxious to make Monica successful at Harvard that I can't bear to see her move away from Harvard. It didn't occur to me that the more successful Monica was at Harvard, the more she would feel ashamed of Caroline.
In addition, I have not seriously discussed with Monica the reason for the problem of staying at Harvard, but I will directly talk about how to help her overcome the difficulties of studying at Harvard. This practice is indeed somewhat in charge of Monica's family, which invisibly increases her psychological burden. Sadly, I was unaware of this at first, and it's no wonder the supervisor argued so fiercely with me.
These are all lessons that empiricism has taught me.
2. I do psychological counseling for Monica, the factors of willow and dark flowers - the heart words under the iceberg
Monica first came to see me, ostensibly talking about her discomfort at Harvard, but actually talking about her inner struggles. Unfortunately, I only heard the superficial meaning of her speech, so I hurried to act, which led to her not coming to see me again.
Later, I began to explore the true meaning of her speech, so that she finally told her own hidden feelings, and also made my consultation with her turn around.
When I realized that Monica's situation could not be judged by experience alone, I switched methods and tried to find out why Monica was uneasy at Harvard. So when Monica came to me again for advice, I deliberately avoided mentioning Harvard to her in order to make her feel that I didn't want to force her to do anything and convince her that she was perfectly capable of making reasonable decisions.
As a result, Monica gradually realized that the person she should most exchange thoughts about was Caroline. As a result, the two sisters had that heart-warming conversation, and finally they were heart-to-heart again.
Later, in my attitude toward Monica, I basically adopted "Gestalt Therapy", that is, by discussing her feelings, experiences, and life experiences associated with Harvard, to promote her to achieve "self synthesis", to complete the "unfinished complex" between her and Caroline due to the traffic accident, and finally to get rid of the guilt on her soul.
In this process, Monica changed from passive to active, from negative to positive, from determined to transfer from Harvard to sincerity, and her thinking underwent a qualitative change. It's all because she deserves the respect and trust she deserves.
unscramble:
Empiricism is an epistemological doctrine that holds that human knowledge originates from and is based on the understanding of sensations. Empiricism was born in ancient Greece. It has a history of more than 2,400 years. During this period, it was constantly contested with two other doctrines: one theory of genius, which asserted that knowledge belonged to the innate nature; the other, rationalism, which held that only rational reasoning, rather than empirical observation, provided the most certain theoretical knowledge system.
In fact, neither the theory of talent nor rationalism is the most perfect doctrine, and the combination of the two is more realistic, which is my point of view. Here we only for Monica's case, the experience of the psychological counselor may be relatively perfect, but we say that the moon has clouds and clouds, the world always has shortcomings, so for each individual, he always has a difference, when this difference is different from the public, empiricism has to change a little thinking, coincide with the individual, the problem will be solved, otherwise it will make the mistake of empiricism.
Therefore, when we solve the problems of others, we must consider where the differences between others and others are, and "the right medicine" can be used to eliminate the disease and achieve good efficacy, and the purpose of psychological counseling is also here.
October 25, 2021 #Counselor said #