Friends are friendly, I am Miao Baoping, a psychological counselor, and the name of the network is like dust.
Today we continue to read Dr. Yue Xiaodong's book", "The Feeling of Ascending to Heaven: I Did Psychological Counseling at Harvard University", "Chapter 2 I have a deep guilt for my sister".
Text: Everything in the past cannot be forgotten
After listening to Monica's narration, I felt confident to help her overcome her current learning difficulties and agreed to meet once a week and schedule five meetings first.
In the first two meetings, in addition to listening carefully to Monica's complaints, I also discussed with her the specific reasons for her backwardness in her studies. I soon discovered that Monica's schedule was unreasonable. She tends to spend the best of her day on extracurricular activities and the worst time for studying. For example, after Monica finishes class during the day, she always wants to meet a few friends or participate in some club activities, and does not start doing the day's homework until the evening. In addition, as long as someone comes to invite Monica to any gathering, date, etc., she is also invited to bing.
No wonder Monica's studies were so passive, I thought to myself, she had never studied seriously. Monica also complained that she was always not doing her homework well and did not get the desired grades. Every time she did her homework, she always stared at the computer in a daze, and she couldn't type a single line for half a day. Monica casually mentions that she has a twin sister in the family named Caroline. In the past, homework was usually done by two people together, which made her into a habit that Monica could not do her homework without Caroline by her side..........
In response to Monica's series of questions, I helped her develop a thorough study plan. I asked her to complete the day's homework and other homework requirements for a certain amount of time every day before doing something else. To oversee Monica's timely completion of this study program, I made an agreement with her that every other day I would call her to find out how she was progressing and give her the necessary guidance. At the same time, I also asked her to go to the Harvard University Writing Tutoring Center for help, so that people there could help her improve her writing skills.
I repeatedly told Monica, "I believe that you are fully capable of overcoming the current difficulties and changing the situation in which you are lagging behind in your studies, and you will definitely succeed at Harvard."
To inspire Monica, I also told her about my uncomfortable experiences when I first started college. I especially stressed that thanks to my tireless efforts, I finally caught up with my classmates.
Monica listened to my story and asked me curiously, "Did you ever think about transferring or taking a break during that time?"
"Nothing." I replied mechanically, wondering why she had asked such a question.
Monica sighed and said, "I really admire that you were able to persevere, and I didn't think about transferring or taking a break from school."
"I can, you can too!" I answered firmly.
I thought to myself, I would have inspired Monica in this way. No, Monica just pouted and left without saying anything.
I was disappointed.
For the next two weeks, Monica neither came to see me as agreed nor called me back, even though I called her three times and left messages asking her to call me back. I don't understand why Monica reacts this way. With these questions in mind, I went to see the supervisor and asked him to listen to the recording of our conversation and discuss the next step of decision-making.
*****
Unexpectedly, when I reported my consultation process to the supervisor, I competed with the supervisor because we had a serious disagreement about Monica's consultation.
In my plan, I want to do my best to help Monica get through the current difficulties and reverse the passive situation of learning, so that she can successfully complete her studies at Harvard University, rather than using the method of transferring from Harvard to escape the current difficulties.
The supervisor accused me of increasing Monica's psychological burden, inhibiting the development of her autonomy, and preventing her from independently deciding on her stay at Harvard. As a result, we quarreled fiercely.
"So, what exactly do you think can be done to help Monica?" The supervisor asked me.
"I thought that the first thing to do was to help Monica recognize the causes of the current learning difficulties, to see how capable she was to overcome them, and then to consider the harvard problem." I replied seriously.
"Then you are subjectively acting for Monica, that is, staying at Harvard." So in your counseling, instead of seriously discussing with her how she felt at Harvard, you directly discussed her specific learning difficulties and solutions. You're actually suggesting that Monica is staying. The supervisor unceremoniously accused me.
"Well, even if that were the case, what's wrong with that?" Everyone who can come to Harvard to study is not easy. As counselors, we want to help them as much as possible through their studies at Harvard, and for that reason we first help them build a belief in victory..." I argue.
"Wrong," the superintendent interrupted me unceremoniously, "you know, not everyone who comes to Harvard wants to stay here, and not every transfer or withdrawal from Harvard is a sign of incompetence?" ”
Looking at me with a confused face, the supervisor added: "I found that you have a serious anti-transference tendency in your counseling attitude, because you yourself came to Harvard University from China to study, and you cherish this learning opportunity." But you can't impose your own value on Harvard on someone else, you don't have the right to do that..."
"I don't mean to impose anything on anyone," I interrupted angrily, "I just want to help Monica make careful life choices so that she won't curse me for help in the future."
She made a bad decision. ”
I felt my voice trembling and my face feverish.
Seeing this, the supervisor eased his tone and said, "Please forgive me for speaking in a somewhat blunt tone just now, but you didn't seriously talk to Monica about how she felt at Harvard University, how do you know that she didn't seriously consider this issue?"
I began to feel that what the supervisor said was not unreasonable.
"Also, do you know why Monica, after listening to your difficult experiences in college, asked you if you had any thoughts of transferring or dropping out?"
"I guess she's curious." I hesitated for a moment and replied.
"Wrong! Isn't that clear? Monica originally wanted to transfer from Harvard. So, she also wants to know if you had this idea in the first place. In fact, she wants a positive answer from you, otherwise why would she ask you this question?"
I looked at the supervisor and didn't answer.
"Also, do you know why Monica hasn't come to see you for two weeks?"
"Yeah, I'm weird too." I replied softly.
"It's not surprising at all. This is a typical impedance injection performance. Monica's reluctance to see you again shows that you lack a common language and that the study plan you designed for her may be too subjective..."
The tone of the supervisor's speech began to stiffen again.
"I can understand this, maybe I speak in a tone a bit like her parents, so she doesn't want to see me again..." I began to reflect on myself.
"More than that," the superintendent interrupted me again, "in my opinion, Monica's failure to come to see you is actually venting her dissatisfaction with her father." Because you are all suppressing her autonomous decision-making. So, she sees you all as the same. ”
The supervisor touched his chin and said, "Maybe Monica's transfer from Harvard is a good thing, because only then can she truly be the master of her own destiny."
"Do you have to transfer from Harvard to be the master of destiny?" I still asked reluctantly.
"Isn't it necessarily good for Monica to stay at Harvard?" The supervisor is not to be outdone, "If you think about it, the purpose of our psychological counseling is not to make decisions for others, but to help others help themselves." ”
I was speechless.
unscramble:
Psychological counseling seems simple, but if you really want to solve the client's psychological problems, it is not a matter of course, it is not just based on enthusiasm and your own experience to solve the client's problems. Psychological counseling often involves superficial phenomena to find out what the root cause of the client's psychological problems is. The first step in counseling is to establish an intimate relationship with the client, and the establishment of this intimate relationship requires the counselor to truly understand the client's inner needs to establish, otherwise the counseling will be unfavorable, as in this article.
In reality, some people are still half-convinced of psychological counseling and do not believe in the role of psychological counseling, which is misunderstood for psychological counseling. In the process of counseling, the psychological counselor is not the "crutch" of the client and the "nanny" of the client. Nor is it the "commander" and "parent" of the visitor. The essence of psychological counseling is "helping others to help themselves", so that the client can solve their own problems, the role of the psychological counselor may not change the reality of the client, but if you can change the client's perspective, let the client wake up and change, it will achieve the role of counseling.
Some people think that psychological counseling is the ideological and political work of people, which is incorrect. Psychological counseling and doing ideological and political work do have similarities in form, both of which are to understand each other's thoughts and attitudes through conversation and express the willingness to be helpful, so as to help the other party solve certain ideological and practical problems. However, psychological counseling and ideological and political work are, after all, two different fields of science, and there are obvious differences between them, which are mainly reflected in the following aspects. 1. Different categories: Psychological counseling belongs to the category of psychology, while ideological work belongs to the categories of politics, philosophy, and ethics. 2. Different goals: Psychological counseling aims to solve individual psychological problems, while ideological work is to clarify and grasp the correct political direction, and to carry out work centered on the interests of the whole group. 3. Different theories and methods: psychological counseling uses the theories and methods of psychology to evaluate and intervene in psychological problems to solve the psychological problems of helpers; while ideological and political work is based on political theory and takes explaining political views as the basic method. The process is mainly conducted in an open discussion. Therefore, people who have not undergone rigorous training in psychological counseling theory and technology may solve the psychological problems of several people, but once you encounter difficult and complex cases, you will be helpless and may also have a counterproductive effect.
In real life, we can follow the concept and method of psychological counseling to improve your thinking, interpersonal communication, etc., which is actually very beneficial!
(This case has more content, we read it in segments, and slowly understand the process of psychological counseling together)
October 21, 2021 #Counselor said #