01
Last night's 41st Academy Awards were presented, Liu Qingyun won the best actor for "Detective Wars", and Wei Jiahui won the best director.
The highlight moment belongs to Zheng Xiuwen.
After 10 nominations and 22 years of running with her, she finally won the best actress for "Flowing Water and Flowers", and the theme song "I Live Like This Day" and won the Best Original Film Song Award.
When he received the trophy from his best partner Andy Lau, Zheng Xiuwen burst into tears.
Her acceptance speech was of high standard, sincere and decent, and more genuine.
"It is my honor to compete with four such excellent actresses (Note: Zhang Aijia, Su Yuhua, Mao Shunyun, Yuan Lilin).
The award for Best Actress seems out of reach for me, and it is another step away.
For so many years, I have not thought about how to win awards, but how to improve and transform in acting skills.
From a comedian to a drama, there are many difficulties along the way and many are not recognized... I want to say to people who have dreams in the world that the road to pursuing dreams is difficult, but I hope you will continue to remember this picture, dreams are reserved for those who never give up. I'm really happy, I finally don't have to run on this track this time, I finally crossed the line today! ”
Then she sang: "Do you know, do you know, I wait until the flowers are thankful..."
Have mixed feelings about. The people in the audience had red eyes, Gu Tianle restrained his excitement, and Xu Anhua clenched his hands.
Too long a wait, always gives people a sense of sadness. But in Zheng Xiuwen, pathos is covered with enthusiasm.
Left-handed feelings, right-handed careers, she spent a long time.
02
In 1988, 16-year-old Zheng Xiuwen participated in the TVB Rookie Singing Competition, won the third place, and signed with Huaxing Records to officially debut.
There, she finally met her senior brother Xu Zhi'an. In 1991, the two sang "Actually, Do You Have Me in Your Heart", and they fell in love.
Watching the high-definition restoration version of their singing back then, the intuitive feeling is that from body movements, eye collision to singing cavity processing, boys are more skillful than emotional, and girls have no skills are all feelings.
Xu Zhi'an is 5 years older than Zheng Xiuwen, and it is said that she began to like him when she was a teenager, and even went to him when she entered Huaxing.
The little girl's affection is just an outing on the road to growth, most of which end in nothing, light as a marshmallow. Very few girls insist on bringing it to the end, and this sugar brings bitterness, because she has to fight against a force majeure called the passage of time.
At that time, Zheng Xiuwen was not as lean and thin as he is now, with a height of 168 and a weight of 60 kilograms, his face was just round, his eyes were smart, and his vitality could not be suppressed. The positioning given to her by the company is to develop film and television songs in an all-round way and become the "successor of Anita Mui".
Zheng Xiuwen wants to be the most maverick one, dye yellow hair, sing fast songs, bold and sexy, but the audience does not like it.
The company asked her to take the jade girl route, but she stubbornly refused. There was never a shortage of well-behaved newcomers, so she was hidden by the snow.
After being hidden by the snow for 9 months, ace agent Li Jin found Zheng Xiuwen. Li Jin used to be Anita Mui's agent, admired Zheng Xiuwen's talent, and even rarer, respected her ideas. After that, Zheng Xiuwen signed with Warner, and her first album "Can't Bear You" was a hit, and the total sales of the Chinese album "Worth" soared 2.2 million copies in Asia, and she became popular again.
Once in 1995, Zheng Xiuwen was arranged to share the stage with Zhou Huimin and wear the same skirt.
She was not fat, but Zhou Huimin next to her was white and thin, fairy and thin as a piece of paper. The contrast is the most cruel hanging, Zheng Xiuwen burst into humiliation, "feeling like a fat guy."
The word "fat woman" in the gossip media has become a hurdle that she has not been able to overcome for several years.
In order to lose weight, she began to abuse herself like crazy. The famous apple slimming method, eating only two apples in seven days, was invented by her. Finally, I squeezed out a third of myself, lost 40 kilograms, and complained that "I haven't eaten enough since I entered the industry."
After fainting because of hunger many times, my mother was really distressed and brought porridge to beg her to eat, but she refused, saying cruelly that eating a bite would kill me.
and Andy Lau's purgatory-style weight loss in "Slim Men and Women" turned out to have a life foundation.
Attitudes towards food can reflect psychological states.
Jung once analyzed Nietzsche's condition, saying that excessive strict diet control was one of the important triggers of Nietzsche's mental disorder, and the extreme restraint, restriction, and inner tension finally destroyed his mind. Jung believed that resistance to food meant denying and giving up one's instincts.
At that time, Zheng Xiuwen was also completely stepping on the ground and rubbing his instincts.
▲ From slightly fat to thin, Xiao S said that Sammi is the thinnest female artist she has ever touched
But people can't take out the strength of a fifty-meter sprint to run a marathon, that is simply against nature, a leather band pulled to the extreme will definitely break.
After losing weight, Zheng Xiuwen became more recognizable in appearance and more famous, and was named the "Queen of Change". Her relationship with Xu Zhi'an is high-profile and sweet, and she is in and out of pairs wherever she goes.
03
In 2004, Xu Zhi'an suddenly broke up, like cold water poured into a basin of hot charcoal.
Zheng Xiuwen used crazy work to fight the pain of lost love, but it was useless, her emotions became more and more out of control, anxiety and depression hit, and she could not communicate with people normally when she was sick.
Depression is a thorn that only stabs at oneself and does not hurt others, except for those close to you. To fall in love with a depressed person, to be absorbed a considerable part of the energy, the person itself must have strong positive energy, otherwise it will not be able to resist at all - the "scumbag" is only a superficial judgment, and the mismatch of energy will make the intimate relationship weak.
At this stage, before and after the filming of "Long Hate Song", Zheng Xiuwen had great expectations for this movie, and wanted to prove that he had the ability to break through through literary films.
She paid a lot for the role of Wang Qiyao, pushed off other jobs, studied Mandarin seriously, and risked an asthma relapse.
But the worsening psychological state made her unable to be consistent, wearing a cheongsam to film in the cold winter of Shanghai, and later she became inexplicably angry when she saw the cheongsam.
Twisting hard work, the ending will not be ideal. With the box office hit the street of "Long Hate Song", she had one more setback, in addition to being "dumped by men", and carrying the straw of "box office poison". She fell into serious self-blame and was said to have not even collected the final payment of the salary.
Asthma, eczema, and depression struck at the same time, and she could no longer hold on, so she simply announced her withdrawal from the circle.
"Retreat" is seen as a failure and bad in most fields, but from another angle, when you are forced to the edge of anxiety and out of control, retreat is better to advance.
No one carefully asked what Zheng Xiuwen was doing in the past two years since he withdrew from the circle, the excitement of the entertainment industry is always excessive, and the chasing light is never cast on the lonely.
What is certain is that in the years when she was hidden in the circle, she must have collapsed first and then rebuilt, before she learned to settle and tidy herself up.
She once locked herself at home, closed the curtains, did not see a glimmer of light, overeat, and judged the same as before.
Not knowing exactly what day she started, she vented enough and was determined to change completely.
She is a martyr woman, and the method of healing herself is also so strong. Mania fitness, it is said that 8 kilometers a day, strength training for 5 hours, strenuous exercise is like a knife and an axe, cutting off negative emotions along with excess fat.
She also self-channeled through words, which were later collected into a book, "Worth It."
In 2007, Zheng Xiuwen returned to the concert scene, read a letter written to himself, and frankly said that he had overcome depression and started again.
Xu Zhian was also at the concert scene, calling the other party a good friend. Oh, what an ambiguous title.
Of course, when she was the hardest time alone, he had no empty window when he was lucky.
The reporter asked Zheng Xiuwen, is he interested in getting back together? Her frankness is distressing: she said that she didn't think it was fake, but after many years, she didn't have the courage.
How clever a man like Xu Zhi'an who rolled in the pile of fat powder was, he went down from the donkey. In 2011, photos of the two dating at a tea restaurant were secretly photographed.
In this regard, she said: "I don't want to achieve earth-shattering love, I just want to manage an ordinary person's emotions steadily. ”
Fame and fortune bring people the rise and fall of desire, but the life of desire beyond the standard is really very tiring for the mortal fetus of the flesh.
04
Those silly girls who still love only one person around are not passionate, but a sense of relief.
Even the changed shoes are only comfortable in a fixed position every day, not to mention a relationship that has lasted for more than twenty years.
But there are always people who love to toss and are not willing to put their shoes in the same position.
In 2019, a taxi driver captured an intimate video of Xu Zhi'an Huang Xinying and sold it to a gossip tabloid, so everyone witnessed a big octopus-like unaesthetically untouched entanglement.
Zheng Xiuwen's social media background immediately changed to black, she has never been a good person at hiding emotions. Xu Zhi'an quickly knelt down and shed tears at the press conference.
After two days of silence, Zheng Xiuwen posted: This is an important lesson in our marriage, and I am convinced that the experience and lessons will definitely help get back on track.
Zheng Xiuwen's easy forgiveness seems too dense for many people.
I also think that Xu Zhi'an is not worthy of her, but love has a backbone, and what it is most unconvinced is whether it is worthy in the eyes of others, and we cannot empathize with the warmth and coldness of the parties.
Shoes that look dirty may have temperature inside, so that people who have walked for a long time in the cold rain will have their feet on the ground, who knows.
At least I would like to believe that a woman who can control her weight at will, when she decides to pick up or put down a relationship, has the initiative and knows the cost.
Even if you lose, you can afford to lose.
Huang Xinying announced her comeback at the beginning of the year, and someone threw this tricky topic to Zheng Xiuwen, and she responded decently: Everyone should have a new beginning.
A woman's attitude towards feelings and career must be related, because they are both projections of character.
It has been 22 years since she was nominated for Best Actress at the Academy Awards for the first time in 2001 for "Lonely Men and Widows", to this year's final film with "Flowing Water and Flowers".
"Flowing Water and Flowers" tells the story of a couple who have experienced the pain of losing a child, regaining the joy of parenthood from getting along with their foster children, but ushering in the story of parting again and again.
Looking at this theme, it can be imagined that Zheng Xiuwen, who has suffered from depression, must have burned a lot of emotions and energy, and took out his heart and lungs to express the pain of this story.
She has never spared any effort and has always been a person who is willing to use herself. As the 99-year-old Ah Tai in Cai Chongda's "Skin Bag" said, "The skin bag is for use, not for serving."
Zheng Xiuwen kept walking, always only a little close, and this time, she finally did it.
In this way, she is more liked, and we empathize with the self who has less talent, a little luck, and more bumps, but has been running.
Just like Zheng Xiuwen said at the comeback concert after healing himself that year-
"Life is a competition between yourself and yourself, and it has nothing to do with people. Defeating a cowardly self is better than defeating other beings. ”
Indeed, dreams are reserved for those who never give up.
Like, cheer for her, and don't give up!