This issue focuses on ——
After listening to too much to talk about, after writing, there is always a feeling: at the beginning, we were all good to love, but in the end it became resentment and hatred. What made us change our minds? How can we return to the good old days when flowers were shining?
■ For love, don't do shy things
Regarding the emotional outpouring in marriage, infidelity is the main culprit that hurts the feelings of couples, of which the proportion of female confidants who talk about their husbands cheating or boyfriends splitting their legs accounts for the vast majority, of course, the proportion of male talking has always been rare is also one of the factors.
Wei Ying and Zhang Qiangqingmei Bamboo Horse, the two have been in love for more than ten years, and have twins after marriage. In order to take good care of the children, Zhang Qiang asked Wei Ying to resign as a full-time mother. In the following years, Zhang Qiang's career was successful, because he was handsome and golden, and was actively pursued by some women. He did not refuse, but first told them that he would not divorce. He has maintained a relationship with several people, but still plays the role of a good husband and father at home. After all, the paper could not contain the fire, and Wei Ying knew that after her husband cheated, she fell into pain and could not extricate herself. She wants to divorce, but she is reluctant to have two children, and she has been at home for many years, has no skills, is afraid of going out to work, and is afraid of competing in society. As a result, she suffered from depression, and as the illness grew worse, she thought of ending up with her children to punish her husband's infidelity. Fortunately, a tragedy was avoided due to the timely discovery, but Wei Ying's spirit was severely damaged, and he still had not recovered after two years of treatment.
There is an evocative phenomenon: many people who cheat on their partners are in love with their partners and have no idea of divorce, which is why some people go to great lengths to keep their partners from knowing that they are unfaithful. However, it can still have a major impact on a relationship, and many people will say: On the surface, I forgive him, but the hatred in my heart is always there.
The reality is really like this, there are many cheating couples, but the number of divorces for this is not proportional, too many reasons let the parties choose to be patient. This is a very wordless thing, time can heal everything, the hurt caused by betrayal in marriage will also scab with the passage of time, but when it is revealed, it will restore the original blood, and it will eventually become a black hole, which buries trust and love. A marriage without trust and love loses its original good intentions.
Zhou Li found that her husband's chat with a woman named Xin'er was very ambiguous, and the reply after questioning was: The woman pestered me, and I immediately blocked her.
But after Zhou Li saw that her husband secretly went to the bathroom for half a day and did not come out, she knew that he still had contact with the woman, and when her husband was drunk, she copied all the chat records of the two people and restored the content that her husband deleted. Those conversations were far beyond Zhou Li's cognition, and she used her husband's mobile phone to scold the woman," and the result was that the woman often had sex with Zhou Li's husband in order to get revenge.
Zhou Li filed for divorce, but her husband knelt down and begged for forgiveness, vowing to correct it. In the midst of repeated beliefs and disappointments, Zhou Li simply let her husband go unchecked, because her son was in junior high school, and she was afraid of stimulating her rebellious children and affecting her son's learning and future. However, Zhou Li's heart was already dead.
Through many confessions, it can be seen that the reasons for infidelity are nothing more than a few points: first, for many years the couple has lost their freshness, some people will take the initiative to go out and be ambiguous with others; some are weak in self-control, and they are lured out of the way; second, the feelings of the husband and wife are weak or have problems, and they do not want to divorce, one party seeks comfort or seeks a sense of belonging, and has feelings with other people; the third is that one party has high social value, has a strong desire to conquer personally, and wants to satisfy possessiveness and gain a sense of superiority from more people at a younger age Fourth, low self-esteem and wanting to improve self-esteem can also lead to infidelity. If you are not respected or valued in marriage, you will have feelings or have sex with a stranger, which will bring strength, self-confidence, or a sense of success; fifth, revenge, after one party cheats, in retaliation for the other party, he also cheats; sixth, purely for the purpose of finding stimulation.
Whatever the reason, the blow of infidelity is not fatal, but it is extremely hurtful.
There is a saying that love is not doing shy things. Cheating is a shy thing, so, as a self-respecting person, cherish your marriage and cherish your reputation, or don't do shy things.
■ Marriage is the growth of the soul
What is touching is that in the pouring out, too many people will consciously or unconsciously push the responsibility to the other party, and rarely reflect on themselves, so when they feel that the current dissatisfaction or bad results are caused by the other party or others, all the complaints and hatreds are taken for granted and filled with righteous indignation.
In fact, even as a seemingly injured party, it is not absolutely innocent, and in the handling of many things, there are undesirable aspects of their own approach.
After Lulu gave birth to the child, her mother-in-law did not help her bring it, and Lulu hated it. A few years later, the mother-in-law needed nursing after the operation, she did not go to the bed and did not pay to hire a nurse, for the husband and her quarrel many times, saying that although her mother did not contribute, she gave the nanny every month. Lulu felt that her husband was partial to her mother, and she was very aggrieved, and she filed for divorce in anger.
In this case, Lulu is more out of gambling: if you don't help me look after the child, I won't serve you.
A mature person will not do this, even if the mother-in-law does not give money and does not help, when the elderly have difficulties, as a daughter-in-law, in addition to being reasonable, you should honor the mother-in-law, more importantly, you are good to the mother-in-law, your husband will be grateful, will respect you, which is an important means to enhance the feelings of husband and wife. Regardless of the previous atmosphere of tolerance, not only reflects a person's pattern, but also reflects a person's emotional intelligence index, some people innately have this good quality, but most people need to go through the experience, from accepting grievances to learn to understand others, from forgiving others to grow.
Jiang Hong and his wife knew each other on a blind date, and they got married after spending a short time together. Soon, Jiang Hong found that his wife was like a child who had not grown up: she had to get what she wanted, and she wanted what others had, and as long as he spoke and did not meet her wishes, he made his temper tantrum. Jiang Hong tolerated it at first, but then he got a little tired of it, so he treated it with indifference. After the wife became pregnant, all kinds of pretense and tossing made the mother-in-law who came to take care of her miserable. Jiang Hong did not want to go home to listen to his mother's complaints, and even more unwilling to see his wife who was full of princess disease, he chose to escape and took the initiative to ask to work in a foreign branch. The wife chose to miscarry in anger and filed for divorce, although Jiang Hong regretted it very much, but it was too late.
Unwillingness to communicate and avoid solving problems is a phenomenon exposed in many conversations. Many times, people are disappointed because their inner desires and expectations are not met. In a good marriage, there are two key factors: affinity and responsiveness, and the absence of either one will affect the marriage. For example, a person's heart longs for love, but when she wants love, she does not want to come, and when you give to each other, the other party does not catch it. The two people have been misplaced, so people will be disappointed. This requires two people to communicate and speak their true thoughts and feelings, rather than blindly complaining and accusing each other like a small child.
Empathy and empathy in marriage are very important, which is the ability to learn to feel and reflect, so we should still make efforts in self-growth, try to have a perfect personality and self, know how to master the ability to love, and grow and mature in loving people and loving themselves.
It comes from the official WeChat of "Everyday Weifang"
(The characters in the article are pseudonyms, and the views of the people poured out in the text do not represent the position and viewpoint of this newspaper and the author)