Hello everyone, I'm the eldest cousin.
Starting on January 1, 2021, there will be an additional 30-day cooling-off period after applying for divorce, and divorce is no longer an easy task.
But if it comes to divorce, what's the last thing you want after a divorce?
In my case, it's about meeting an ex.
However, the Korean variety show, which has always been a pioneer, has gone against the current, filming a variety show "We Are Divorced" that even the host can't believe, so that the divorced celebrity couples can live together again for 3 days and 2 nights.
Just after the first episode was broadcast, the Korean network ratings exploded, reaching a maximum of 14.7%.
Chinese netizens are also crazy, not only the Douban score rushed to 8.3, but also on the hot search today.
Some netizens commented on this variety show: "Those who are not married do not want to get married, those who are married can see empathy, and those who are divorced do not want to get back together." ”
Source: Douban
In addition to empathy, netizens also strongly demanded a Chinese remake, and directly pulled out a bunch of Chinese and Korean divorced couples: Song Huiqiao Song Joong Ki, Gu Huishan An Zaixian, Jia Nailiang Li Xiaolu...
The most wonderful thing about this variety show is not the curiosity of "divorced couples reuniting", but more about seeing their own stories.
Divorce is certainly not the end of life, and may not even be the end of a relationship, but it is a reflection on one's own life.
Once wanted a happy marriage, died...
"Why do we get a divorce?"
The first pair to answer this question is the "Elder-level National CP": Li Yinghe and Xian Yu Yinshu.
They are unfamiliar to Chinese audiences, and even to young Koreans.
But 40 years ago, one was a handsome movie emperor and the other was a popular actress, and their combination was no less than that of the former "Double Song" (Song Huiqiao & Song Joong Ki) couple.
They got married in 1981, dubbed the "Wedding of the World" by the Korean media, and 26 years later, when the children were all grown up, they divorced.
This year, the 13th year of their divorce, they chose to meet on the show and spend "three days and two nights".
Contact was not completely severed after the divorce, but this was the first time the two had met.
In this regard, Yin Shu is very excited, the day before the show, she deliberately went to do her hair, and came to the designated place early.
It can be seen that she cares a lot about meeting her ex-husband, maybe she never put it down, and after the divorce she even helped her ex-husband renovate a new house and share a nanny.
In this way, there does not seem to be any major contradiction between the two people.
But when Li Yinghe came, he still shattered her illusion of a long-term reunion.
Compared with her positive enthusiasm, Li Yinghe is polite, alienated and even indifferent.
The whole time, only Yin Shu chatted, Yin Shu cooked, Yin Shu drove, and when Yin Shu tried to talk about the past and recall their feelings, he only had silence, eyes fleeing, and even interrupted, obviously unwilling to "continue".
Is that his character? Apparently not.
His cell phone message rang one after another, and it was obvious that he was outgoing and social. The daughter-in-law also said that he used to cook for the children, and he could see that he loved his family and was careful and gentle.
However, these are not given to the wife, and after more than ten years of divorce, I still do not want to give it to the ex-wife.
From the past to the present, Yin Shu's request is only one: "Accompany me alone, and listen to me more." ”
When Li Yinghe traveled for just three days and two nights, he still called on friends and drank and chatted with his friends, Yin Shu was left aside, and even sat alone in the car waiting for his liquor bureau to end.
The audience can feel the effort, can't Li Yinghe see it?
He probably avoided it for one reason — stress.
On the surface, the person who is loved has no fear, but in this love, it is Yin Shu who dominates, and she repeatedly emphasizes her love, her own efforts, and her own hardships, which means that she is also accusing Li Yinghe of inaction.
Li Yinghe is very grateful but unable to enjoy this "high" greatness, he is afraid of being swallowed up by the plot of his wife's "pay", so he prefers to "strike".
Yin Shu touched himself and touched the audience, but the person who was forced to accept the payment, only repression and dissatisfaction, marriage became his burden.
The second divorced couple, the post-90s "Cui Roast" (stage name), and Liu Zisu are just the opposite.
Married for 4 years, just divorced for 7 months, with a lovely daughter, Choi Yakini seems to retain the passion of love.
He showed his ex-wife success in slimming, took the initiative to cook, massaged her, and naturally lifted her long hair when Shiso bent down to wash her face, and his eyes were full of "I still love you".
But Shiso only showed tenderness when she mentioned her daughter, and everything else was faint.
Shiso felt hurt from the father of the barbecue - because the dowry before marriage did not talk about the knot left behind, the 80-year-old father-in-law was strongly dissatisfied with his daughter-in-law, and even in front of the child, he did not shy away from taunting the child's mother: "She is 0 points as a woman from beginning to end." ”
Grilled meat is unable to reconcile the contradictions between father and wife, and chooses to be a "filial piety", so he has to let his miserable wife leave.
But in fact, is it really because the father "beats the Mandarin duck" so difficult to reconcile?
In the conversation, it is not difficult to see the stubbornness of the barbecue meat "stalking", and the iron wall of the perilla copper wall.
The real inside story, I'm afraid, remains to be seen.
Happy marriages are generally the same, while unhappy marriages have their own unhappiness.
Say goodbye to your marriage only because I have saved enough disappointment to say goodbye to myself who is no longer happy.
Divorced, then what?
In recent years, the divorce rate has been climbing across the country, china's divorce rate has increased 10 times in 30 years, and the "30-day divorce cooling-off period" has even been written into the Civil Code.
Image source: "2019 Civil Affairs Development Statistical Communiqué" officially released by the Ministry of Civil Affairs
South Korea, where the show was born, is the country with the highest divorce rate in Asia, reaching about 30%.
The age group with the most divorces is "couples who have lived together for more than 20 years", just like Li Yinghe and Xian Yu Yinshu in the show.
Both legal constraints and self-selection show that in today's society, "divorce" is less and less an impulse to "slip away".
As the experience of marriage becomes more and more profound, more and more people also want to understand one thing: when the breakdown of marriage has become a fact, instead of silently enduring, it is better to get together and disperse.
But can divorce really solve all the problems?
Some people are divorced and obsessed with old feelings.
In the show, The expectation of this marriage has never disappeared.
When she attended the divorce conference alone, she said: "The possibility of reuniting again is also fully available." ”
It seems that she only obeyed Li Yinghe's choice at the beginning, and in order not to become an "enemy", she could only become a "stranger" first.
After marriage, although she did not meet her ex-husband, she often inquired from the common nanny.
She suffered from social phobia and sleep disturbances and took medication for 3 years. Work life came to a complete standstill, unable to take a step outside the door.
Hearing that her ex-husband agreed to join her on the show, she seemed to have a kind of "he's finally coming back" snickering, like a nervous girl: "I want to feel what kind of person you are again." Feel it too. ”
Some people have a good life after divorce.
Li Yinghe's single life after divorce, the family is clean and warm, he also learned to cook for his son and daughter-in-law, spend time with old friends to drink, work to take care of the younger generations.
He seems to represent a different mindset, that divorce can really start a new life.
And the purpose of his coming is not to go back to the past, but to "want to eliminate some grievances."
As a person who has been "rare", 26 years of marriage has not changed his temperament and pursuit, how can life after divorce change him?
The contradictions that unfolded when they reunited were the problems that occurred that year, and the problems that were destined to occur.
Even if you are divorced and time passes, as long as someone stops where you are, the knot will always be tied in your heart.
Surveys have shown that the biggest psychological problem for men after divorce is "loneliness", while women are "psychologically withdrawn".
After Cui Roast meat and Liu Zisu divorced, the young people who were full of vitality already had vicissitudes in their hearts.
Grill said: "After the divorce I got depression and took medicine for a while. During that time, there were often "drip" auditory hallucinations when you came back to open the door. I realized how hard it is for a person to carry a child. ”
When asked about the possibility of remarriage, Shiso replied very firmly, saying that it was impossible.
Shiso, who married and had children at the age of 24, said: "How happy there is, how hard it is to play the role of mother, filled my entire 20s. My shelf life is over. ”
I still love you, but I still want to love myself.
The deeper connection between the two people is the daughter Matsuba, who is just 5 years old, and matsuba currently lives with her father and her grandfather who is dissatisfied with her mother.
Seven months after the divorce, I didn't see my mother's pine leaf for a long time, and when I met again, I only called her "aunt".
The two families that have been feuding for a long time and have custody of their daughters may have a long and difficult negotiation after that.
How happy you are when you get married, how painful it is when you divorce.
You see, divorce doesn't solve everything, it doesn't even solve problems.
In this open-minded and open society, everyone is constantly amplifying the desire for self-worth and happiness value.
The good wish of "breaking the mirror and reuniting" seems to be becoming more and more ethereal.
Divorce is not only about giving up misfortune, but also about giving up part of yourself.
The third way to get along
The topic of divorce seems to be very heavy, and the reunion of divorce seems to be very bloody, but with a Korean-style small fresh filter, and the editing of the long stream of fine water, it has become not embarrassing, and it is very good to cry.
Under the falling leaves of the autumn wind, the 62-year-old Yin Shu looked at the man who had loved all his life and became old, crying and asking:
"Don't you think time is a pity?"
At night, Kebab and Shiso lived in the "dream house" arranged by the program group, two bedrooms, separated by a wall, sitting back to back at the head of the bed, and no one was asleep.
We were in love, and it hurts to think about.
There was once a similar variety show in Australia called "Back with the Ex", all the couples who participated in the show were one party with compound needs, the other party also accepted the proposal of the compound, and then came to the show together to try together again.
《Back with the Ex》
Premised on compounding, the formers correct themselves to facilitate the repair of relationships. Let this variety show exude the sour smell of "let's fall in love".
However, "We Are Divorced" abandons this directivity, whether from the host to the guest of observation, even the director and editor of the show, has no intention of being a "peacemaker" and a "contradiction maker" to promote the motivation of new relationships.
However, when they smile or are silent, they will feel that these regrets on the road of life are also one kind of gain, and what they get is another self.
Perhaps it tells us that for complex marriages, in addition to the irreparable physical and psychological damage, there can be no only two relationships after divorce: "ice release" and "old and dead do not interact".
Marriage is over, can not be a good couple, we may be a good parents, teach children how to grow up and how to love.
Unsuitable lovers and unwilling to become friends, we may be able to understand and experience another life without disturbing each other.
Not wanting to become enemies but difficult to let go, we may be able to retreat to the most familiar strangers and turn "difficult to calm" into a driving force to stand up.
Getting together and dispersing is not only about the end of the relationship between the two people, but also about self-reconstruction.
The third kind of relationship is not only about seeing divorce as a disaster in life, but also about learning how to get back together with yourself through divorce.
Looking at the scars of divorce, you will not live in the past.
Because loving yourself well is more important than marriage.