Post-80s working mothers evaporated overnight! "Balancing work and family" is itself a false proposition

Text | Rice grain mother

Some time ago, a friend who has not been in touch for a long time chatted with me on WeChat, this friend works in a big factory, very busy, the rhythm of the work of the big factory, everyone understands.

Friend of 87 years, only gave birth to a baby last year.

A few years ago, the big factory rolled up to the sky, she faced a group of highly educated post-90s and post-95s in the department, saying that no pressure was false, so she constantly postponed the birth plan, for fear that the process of pregnancy and childbirth would make it difficult to keep her "radish pit".

It is a bit ironic to say that the year before last, the friend's department had to optimize half of the people, and she actually temporarily saved her job because of "pregnancy". But she also knew that sooner or later that day would come.

At the beginning of this year, just after the breastfeeding period, she was worried and anxious, like hearing one boot hit the ground, always in a state of readiness, waiting for the moment when the other boot fell.

She talked to me, in fact, she wanted to seek the advice of more friends around her, see what she could do if she left the big factory, it was best to have a relatively free time, be able to take care of the family, plan in advance, and find a good way back for herself.

That day, the two of us talked about the post-80s in the workplace, and I said that about half of the colleagues in our company are post-80s, and there are more mothers who become mothers, and some post-90s also have babies at home, and there are several colleagues who gave birth to babies last year.

Friends sighed, saying that this proportion is quite high, she said that their department, except for her, there is only one post-80s, or her male leader, and this leader can almost be classified as the post-90s, because he is actually 89 years old, and his birthday is still huge.

Later, I asked a circle of friends, and almost everyone mentioned that there were fewer and fewer post-80s working mothers around me (except for the system).

The disappearance of post-80s women in the workplace must not be "evaporation overnight", before that, it is the gradual withdrawal of the post-70s and post-75s.

Chatting with a friend who is an HR, she said that in the workplace, the employment space of post-80s mothers is indeed very limited.

Most of the mothers and children at this age are in elementary school and junior high school, especially in the north and in Guangshen, the chicken and baby atmosphere is there, the mother is not superhuman, and she can't do both. In addition, the elderly in the family are also old, and when they reach the stage of minor illness on three weeks and major illnesses on five weeks, friends said that she had to consider these practical problems when hiring.

So it becomes: an important management post, not worried about handing over to the post-80s mothers who are old and young; The basic post with little money cannot keep the post-80s mothers who are old and young.

In recent years, many of the mothers of rice grain classmates have returned to their families one after another. Some resign directly, quit the scene, and devote themselves to raising their babies at home; Some want to balance raising a baby and raising a family, working part-time or flexible work.

I have to say that several top students in the rice grain class have their mothers behind them to "escort", so although I occasionally complain that the rice grains do not care to study or the exam drops the chain, I also understand that as a mother, I am "dragging my feet" in this regard

You see these two months, I have traveled frequently, how can I take care of the affairs of the family, the baby, and the elderly?

So "balancing work and family" is itself a false proposition.

There are a few friends around, in order for the baby to go to school, curve to save the country, put the hukou in Tianjin, bought a school district house in Tianjin, and when the baby went to school, he naturally moved to Tianjin.

Almost all of the ones I know are my mother who resigned to study with Tianjin, and my father stayed in Beijing to move bricks.

I wrote in "My friend in Beijing settled in Xi'an for the sake of my children's schooling, what is this god operation?" " wrote that a neighbor's cousin and brother-in-law both staged "A Tale of Two Cities", usually the old man picks up and drops off his children in Tianjin, last year his mother couldn't go back because of the epidemic, and the child was "like a tiger with a suspension of classes", all kinds of home online classes, my mother really couldn't hold on, and I resigned during the summer vacation and went to Tianjin full-time to accompany the baby.

A post-80s friend of mine also resigned naked last year, when we all advised her that the economic environment is not good, don't be impulsive.

Friends said she really couldn't help it.

Last year, four elderly people in her family took turns to get sick and hospitalized, her husband often traveled, coupled with the epidemic, he was often trapped in other places and could not return to Beijing, and he couldn't count on big things and small things at home.

Friends take the old man to the emergency room at night, find a scalper to register, make appointments for various examinations, the old man is in the operating room, she sits on the floor in the corridor outside and holds a video conference, the child goes to the kindergarten's evening nursery class almost every day (that is, there are teachers watching, ensuring safety, no accidents)...

Once the child had a high fever, did not go to kindergarten, just after the operation of the grandmother was at home to take care of the baby, the child took medicine and vomited, when the grandmother cleaned up, the foot slipped, fell down, fractured.

My friend was in a meeting with a customer at the company, received a call from her grandfather, hurriedly handed the customer to a colleague, and ran to the house, running all the way to shed tears, and that night, she thought about it, and it seemed that resigning was the only way out.

In the whole environment, when a family must have someone to make sacrifices, the withdrawal of mothers is so "natural", post-80s mothers, willing or helpless, just half pushed and half said goodbye to the workplace.

But how cruel is the workplace? Look at the post-70s and post-75s mothers, how many can "return to the king" after returning to the family?

The post-80s generation is 34-43 years old, for a person, it is the age when the vitality is the most vigorous, mature but still full of fighting spirit, but in life, chicken feathers, in the workplace, like walking on thin ice.

A post-80s colleague of mine said that her classmate's company cut the salary as a whole last year, cut by half, if you do not accept the salary cut, you can also lay off employees directly, and the classmate is afraid of what kind of moth will happen later, so she directly chose to lay off employees, and after getting compensation at one time, it has been a year, and I haven't found a suitable job.

Either it's too far from home, or leaving work at 10 p.m. is the norm, or the salary is a fraction of what it used to be...

Think of Grandma Mi's generation, a job can achieve retirement, no pressure to go to work across cities, no pressure to work 996, no pressure to take frequent leave, no pressure to be optimized by layoffs...

When I was a junior high school, my grandmother took me around the city, registering, occupying pits, exams... Colleagues and leaders are tacit and "understand" each other.

So even if they are old and young, they can "take care of" work, after all, the work at that time was far less (super)saturated than it is now. And our parents' generation basically has several brothers and sisters, four or five people to support two old people, and two people to support four old people, which is not an order of magnitude at all.

Have you found that over the years, more and more mothers in the circle of friends have switched to the insurance industry and micro-business. Why?

No need to carry egg scones to the elevator that is closing in the morning, no need to hold meetings and pick up solitaires in the class group, no need to take leave for three days and two heads to take the elderly to see a doctor, and no need to video check the baby's homework when you don't have to go on a business trip...

Some time ago, talking about delayed retirement, one of my girlfriends told me that her aunt was 78 years old, and she was better than giving birth to a baby early, and when the child went to college, she was only 40, and she came out to become a childcare sister-in-law and start the "second spring of her career".

Talking to my girlfriend about this, we are full of hope again. But the premise of all this is that we have to have a good body.

People in middle age, the body is not as resistant as when they were young, such as me, a little stay up for two nights, a week can not be slowed down, dizzy, stomach is also uncomfortable, nothing is wrong, recently often travel, on fire plus sleep is not good, a lot of hair loss, complexion is also very poor.

These are just some small signals sent by the body, not serious enough to go to the hospital for examination, so generally we drag, stand, watch, and then drink goji berries, swallow a lot of vitamins, coenzymes

Rice grain mother also said before, a generation has a generation of problems to face, each has its own difficulties, only hope that the future of the entire society, workplace and family, can be more friendly to post-90s, post-00s mothers, so that everyone can move bricks to 65 years old

Personal profile: @米粒妈爱分享 rice grain mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning dry goods, educational experience and further education.