Desperately trying to earn money, buying a house and a car, life is getting better and better, but often feel that they are not as happy as before.
After many years of marriage, the pillow person has become the "most familiar stranger", communication is getting less and less, there is no quarrel, no contradiction, but there is no passion.
Post-90s have begun to call themselves "old aunts", young colleagues have been promoted to higher positions than you, are you more and more reluctant to talk about your age?
The above troubles and confusion are the ones that many people will have, right? In fact, not only you and me, but also a sports journalist in the United States, Mickey. Fortunately, Mickey met his life mentor, Professor Morrie, just at this time.
Once, Mickey stumbled upon a TV talk show and discovered that the interviewee was his favorite teacher in college, but he looked weak and haggard. Mickey goes to visit his seriously ill teacher and learns that Professor Morrie has ALS, commonly known as the "Frozen Man.".
This is a dangerous neurological disorder that currently has no cure. People with this disease usually start with weakness in the limbs, gradually develop into generalized muscle atrophy and difficulty swallowing, and finally die of respiratory failure.
Professor Morrie decided to give Mickey one last lesson before his death, which was about discussing the meaning of life, and the class was scheduled for Tuesday. So, every Tuesday, Mickey flew seven hundred miles in a plane and rushed to the teacher's house for class.
After fourteen classes, Professor Morrie died, and his funeral became Mickey's "graduation ceremony." Mickey wrote a book about what he learned from his professor, called Meet Tuesday.
01. Make peace with yourself and live a "non-competitive" life.
Over the years, our lives seem to be getting busier and busier. "996" is no longer a big deal, and staying up late and working overtime has become the norm. Everyone feels so stressed that even teenage students are starting to agonize over hair loss.
Exams, employment, promotions, earning money, buying a house, buying a car... These things are like mountains that overwhelm us. We are always competing with ourselves, always thinking better, always unconsciously comparing with others.
In the eyes of others, you have a good job, a happy family, and a life that is already very enviable. However, you still feel unsatisfied, unhappy, and always feel that there is something less in life.
The same is true of Mitch, the author of "Meet Tuesday." After graduating from college, he gave up his musical dreams to become a sports journalist and columnist. After years of hard work, Mickey has achieved a small success in his career and his income is quite good. He bought a car, bought a mountain villa, and married the girl he had been in love with for seven years.
This kind of life is perfect in any way, isn't it? But Mickey is still often confused. He was obsessed with his work achievements, but he couldn't get pleasure from them. He was proud of the material life he had created, but he didn't know if it was what he really wanted.
Professor Morrie believes that this is the misleading of modern cultural education. It always encourages people to have, as if the more you have, the better, the more wealth the better. People are wrapped up in this inertia of thinking, desperately rushing forward, but they forget to stop and ask themselves, is this all I need?
We often hear people say, I socialize every day, is it not to make more money, for this family? He may not have thought about whether this was what his family needed most. He also didn't know what the happy family he wanted was like.
In fact, for the lover, you send her expensive jewelry, big-name bags, it is better to chat with her often and help her do housework. In the child's heart, you buy him the most expensive toys and wear the best clothes, and it is not as good as often taking him to play football and playing games with him.
In Professor Morrie's view, people understand the real needs of their hearts and move towards love and giving. He said that as long as you learn compassion and responsibility, the world will be much better.
You might think that words like "love" and "giving" sound too tall. Then let's put it another way, you must have heard "give people roses, and your hands have incense." Have you ever found that when we help others, the satisfaction and pleasure in our own hearts even exceed those of the people we are helping?
Not long ago, the torrential rain disaster in Henan, the donations of celebrities, hundreds of thousands, millions, soldiers, firefighters rushed to the disaster area to participate in the rescue. We ordinary people do not have this ability, but forwarding a rescue message is also a kind of love, donating 10 yuan, 20 yuan is also a dedication, but also can find their own value.
02. Make peace with feelings, have a happy marriage and family.
In recent years, there seems to be a lot of negative news about marriage, such as the Thai wife murder fraud case, the Hangzhou wife killing corpse case, and the tragic case of men conspiring with "Xiao San" to throw their own children downstairs. As a result, many people have doubts about marriage, and more and more young people have become "marriage-phobic people".
We may be confused: What exactly does marriage bring us? What is the secret to a happy marriage?
Marriage and family bring us not only comfort and companionship, but also tell others that there is a home guarding you. In Meet Tuesday, Professor Morrie refers to this feeling as "psychological safety." He believes that only the family can bring people this feeling, money can not do, fame can not do, work can not do.
So, is there a standard for measuring the success of a marriage?
Perhaps there is no uniform standard for a happy marriage, but there are still a few points that are important, that is, mutual respect, understanding of compromise, openness and honesty, and most importantly, the same values.
Speaking of values, they are actually reflected everywhere in our lives. From buying a house and buying a car, as small as dressing and eating, if the values between husband and wife are different, they will often disagree, and even cause quarrels, and it will be contradictory for a long time, and it is difficult to be happy.
Some people may feel that people with similar economic conditions will have the same values, so they must have to find a partner, right? Not necessarily.
Guo Jingjing and Huo Qigang (Source Network, Invasion and Deletion)
The marriage between "Diving Empress" Guo Jingjing and Huo Qigang was called "Immortal Marriage" by netizens. Guo Jingjing comes from a very ordinary family, and the Huo family can be regarded as the top magnate in Hong Kong, and on the economic conditions and family background, the two people are not right.
But after many years of marriage, Huo Qigang looked into Guo Jingjing's eyes, still full of love like a "little fan brother", and Guo Jingjing always looked happy when he mentioned Huo Qigang.
Guo Jingjing did not like luxurious life, and Huo Qigang moved out of the Huo family mansion with her. Guo Jingjing wore a few cents of hair ornaments to participate in the event, and Huo Qigang often dressed low-key. Guo Jingjing bought clothes for her children at the stall, and Huo Qigang was also photographed eating a roadside stall. The couple will take advantage of the discount at the mall to buy things, and they will also carry large shopping bags and visit the cheap supermarket together.
Although their lives are simple, they are unequivocal about doing public welfare. During the epidemic in Wuhan, the couple donated 70 million yuan in a low-key manner, and Guo Jingjing also personally participated in community volunteer service. They also often bring their children to participate in public welfare activities.
Among the giants in Hong Kong, Guo Jingjing and Huo Qigang seem to be a clear stream. It turns out that true love has nothing to do with status, family lineage, and background. The real door-to-door pair does not mean that the material conditions and family backgrounds must match, but that the two people have the same thoughts and have common values.
03. Make peace with life and face aging and death calmly.
Words such as "aging" and "death" are taboo and avoidable for ordinary people, and no one is willing to mention it. But these are precisely the most natural things, and no one can escape.
Just like in the book "Meet Tuesday", the elderly Professor Morrie is terminally ill, and his life ability and physiological functions are gradually being lost, and doctors estimate that he will not have more than two years left. But he still said to Mickey in his thirties: "I don't envy your life stage, because I have had such a life stage." ”
Yes, young people have the vitality of youth, middle-aged people have mature charm, and the elderly also have the charm of years of precipitation! As the writer Wang Shuo said, what is so great about being young, have you ever been old?
Morrie believes that people have to accept the status quo and enjoy themselves, to discover all the good and real things in their current lives. He said: "When I was a child, I was happy to be a child; when I was a smart old man, I was happy to be a smart old man. ”
To paraphrase a popular phrase, this is called "living in the moment"! As Feng Zikai said: Don't be confused in the heart, don't be trapped in love. Don't be afraid of the future, don't think about the past. So, okay.
In the last days of his life, Professor Morrie still insisted on reading newspapers and periodicals, shedding tears for the unfortunate people in news reports; still participated in talk shows and shared his life insights; and still insisted on writing back to those who had troubles in life with the help of assistants.
The author once asked him, why do you still do these things? Professor Morrie replied, "You think a dying person doesn't have to care about the affairs of the world anymore?" Because I suffer, it is easier for me to feel the pain of others. ”
Realize that you will die and be prepared at all times. In this way, when you live, you will cherish life more. Professor Morrie has been emphasizing: "Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live." ”
Write at the end
In "Meet Tuesday", the optimistic and wise Professor Morrie, on the last journey of his life, gave his students a life lesson, teaching him to re-examine himself and revise his life. When we read this book, it is as if we had listened to The Lessons taught by Morrie.
Mickey once asked Professor Morrie what was the hardest thing in life? Morrie replied, speaking with life!
To make peace with life is a peaceful state of mind, a detached mind, and an optimistic attitude. Only by reconciling with yourself can you get the four joys of life: helping others when you are happy, enjoying yourself when you are frustrated, being content and happy when you are in good times, and being happy in pain when you are in difficult situations.
To make peace with life is a kind of open-mindedness, an ordinary wisdom, and a supreme realm. Life kisses me with pain, but I sing in return. When you make peace with life, you shake hands with yourself, shake hands with life, and shake hands with the world!