Are we deceived by "reading to change our destiny"?

"The village where I grew up, or those neighbors. It's just that you don't know, there is no money in your pocket, how do you walk past them with your head up and your chest. ”

Author: Zhang Meng

1

Our village is very small, dozens of families, chickens and dogs scattered on a small river. Life is hard, but the children in the village love to learn – here, "reading changes fate" is the truth that every family instills in their children from an early age.

Indeed, reading did change the fate of some people, such as the army.

Dajun and my father, who were the same age, were assigned to work in the railway department in Luoyang after graduating from a junior college in Jiaozuo. Every spring festival he brings his wife and children back, and we children will chase after his black car. When the car was extinguished in front of the house, the army got out of the car to greet everyone and hand the men cigarettes, while his wife opened the trunk of the car and gave candy to the women and children—a strangely shaped and delicious fudge that I had never seen before, and I always peeled the sugar in my mouth and carefully put the plastic sugar paper in my trouser pocket.

When the greeting was over, the army slapped the car door and shouted loudly: "Come down, you're home!" The rear door opened, and two boys my age stepped out of the car, their eyes shy, with some distant nobility. The two men's shirts were printed with the motif of "101 Loyal Dog", and I had seen that cartoon on our 14-inch black-and-white TV.

"It's better to go to school!" When the crowd disperses, someone will always say this.

The army returned every year, which was also a major event for father. He went to high school with the army that year, and the college entrance examination was a few points behind; and the army crossed a hurdle, and since then he has had a different fate. At the dinner table in the evening, my father's voice would be much higher than usual. He would talk with great interest about his schooling with the army, about how diligent the army was, and about how blackened his two nostrils when he lit a kerosene lamp and read a book.

"The army of people is man, and you are also man." You see people sitting in the office, how rich the maintenance is. The wrinkles on your face are thicker than the grate teeth, and you can be his father. The mother rolled up her sleeves and sat in the doorway washing dishes, teasing her father.

A few of our brothers and sisters laughed with their mothers. My father had no choice but to cover up his embarrassment with a serious face, glaring at us: "If you don't study well, you will be like me and your mother in the future!" ”

Beneath the dim 15-watt light bulb, I saw my father's oily face and a few strands of white hair with sideburns curled up.

The pieces of transparent sugar paper had been sandwiched between me in a broken magazine. Sometimes I would pull out one and press it against my sister's book. Through the sugar paper, the original black lead letter became translucent, and a faint color was added to the surrounding area.

I looked at them repeatedly, as if I were feeling the wind at the same time as I was passing through the beard, and a wave of fascination swept through my mind.

2

Of all the friends in the village, the closest to me was the cousin of the uncle next door. My cousin was only 4 months older than me and we played together since we were bare-ass. When we were 7 years old, my uncle and my father rode us on bicycles to register for the primary school in a neighboring village.

Since the first grade of elementary school, every time the final exam was held in the class, my cousin and I always took turns to be the first. At that time, the most interesting thing we can think of is "learning". In the afternoon, after school, we would climb to an abandoned machine well by the river, lie on the roof of the concrete poured roof, and do our own exercises. One year in the final exam before the winter break, he was still the first place and was rewarded with a hardcover notebook, while I only got third and received a stationery box. After receiving the notice and the award, I cried all the way, feeling that I had no face to face my parents. He walked silently with me, a look of shame.

In the fourth grade of elementary school, a middle-aged female teacher came to the class to teach Chinese, and I heard that she was the daughter-in-law of the brigade secretary. She only has a junior high school education, has not touched the textbook for more than ten years, is afraid of reading the wrong words and being laughed at, and every time she names me and my cousin to read the texts first. I deliberately raised my voice when reading the text, for fear that others would not know that I was being treated favorably.

At that time, the people who went to school with us every day were Zhang Lin from the same village. Unlike us, Zhang Lin's academic performance has always been the bottom few in the class. At that time, the three of us were a fixed example of parents educating their children in the village — of course, Zhang Lin was a negative teaching material.

Once, my cousin and I were writing homework in the yard of my uncle's house, and Zhang Lin's mother came to visit the door, and as soon as she saw both of us, she turned her head and went back. Not long after, she grabbed Zhang Lin's ear, lifted him to us, spit out a mouthful of spit and scolded: "I didn't see you eat one steamed bun less than others, and you also learned well with others!" ”

Zhang Lin's ears were twisted so much that he almost saw blood, and as soon as his mother let go, he immediately drilled out from the side and said with a hippie smile in the courtyard: "I can't learn, I really can't learn!" A rogue look, laughing and running toward the door.

Zhang Lin's mother scolded "X your mother", picked up the pig food stick of the uncle's family and ran to chase him.

Zhang Lin was energetic, but never put it on studying. He burned the girls' braids with a lighter in the study class, was punished by the teacher for running ten laps in the playground, and came back full of energy, joking with the front and back tables. He was not ashamed of his academic performance at all, and introduced me and my cousin to the students in the neighboring village: "These two top students are my brothers. ”

My cousin and I looked at each other, shy and proud.

3

My cousin and I finished junior high school and were admitted to the key high school in the county together. Coming to a better school, the aura on both of us quickly disappeared. But the people in the village have set an example for us, and every time they come home, they call us "college students", as if it is a foregone conclusion that we will be admitted to college.

Zhang Lin dropped out of junior high school without finishing junior high school, first to Kunshan, and then to Suzhou, to pack the sock factory, and then install TV parts in the electronics factory.

One year, Zhang Lin came back from the New Year and invited me and my cousin to dinner. He has gained a lot of weight, and his hair has been cut into a popular "swallowtail style". After a few glasses of wine, he talked about the hardships and dangers of working outside: in the trouser corner of the garment factory, working until two or three o'clock at night, he was physically weak, half asleep and half awake pedaling the machine, and as a result, his fingers were almost strangled by the machine. Listening to his story, I felt even a hazy smoke rise in front of me.

In my freshman year of high school, because of my poor health, I took a year off school, and since then I have been one level lower than my cousin. But the two people are still competing in their hearts, and the grade ranking of each exam is a reference.

At the end of the college entrance examination in 2005, my cousin lived up to expectations and was admitted to an agricultural university in Sichuan, "211". On the day of receiving the notice, people from half the village went to his house to congratulate him, and some people encouraged his cousin, "Bring a beautiful Sichuan girl home later."

Uncle Da's face was very bright, and he smiled and said, "You still have to go to school, but you can't fool around." ”

Neighbor Nishigyo said, "What can that be?" Admission to college is to enter the safe, and then find a job to get eighteen thousand a month, eat and wear without worry. The neighbors around them all echoed each other.

I also went to see my cousin. I took his notice, the gilded few lines, and my heart beat faster. My cousin said to me, "It's up to you next year!" You're definitely better than me. ”

The following summer, I was admitted to a major university in the province. Trying not to look too excited, I got off the city bus carrying the red envelope and headed home. At the head of the village stood many people chatting, and everyone rushed to pass on my acceptance letter. That summer, my cousin didn't go home because of his internship, and I called him to announce the good news, and he happily said in Sichuan dialect: "When I go back in the New Year, let's put the dragon gate array well!" ”

My cousin and I still struggle like when I was a teenager: my cousin won a scholarship every year, I participated in the national Russian language competition, and achieved the best ranking; he successfully graduated from undergraduate and was successfully admitted to a master's degree in an agricultural university in Nanjing, entered the state key laboratory, I successfully studied in the next year, studied in the best foreign language colleges and universities, and studied abroad; he successfully guaranteed the doctorate of the university in the second year of his research, and I was recruited as a teacher at a university in Sichuan after graduating with a master's degree.

My cousin and I are "moving in the clouds" academically, Zhang Lin seems to be more and more distant from our lives, and when I meet him at home for the New Year, I only talk in general. Sometimes when I open the photo album of my childhood and look at the three children in the photo, my heart will be filled with an intellectual's purity and then swell.

I think that although I believe that Zhang Lin is our brother, we are destined to live a different life with him.

In August 2013, I became a college teacher. After getting the first month's salary, I was surprised for half a day and said to my cousin: "My post salary is only 2200 yuan." ”

0 blocks. ”

He was also surprised: "How is it possible?" ”

Previously, our visions of "university teachers" were the same—good salaries, high social prestige, and a free academic environment. I gave him a screenshot of the salary form and he sent him a helpless expression.

My cousin worried about my future life, but he couldn't help me: his monthly doctoral allowance was only 2,000 yuan, and he had to hurry up and save money - he was getting married during the Spring Festival.

We could only comfort each other, he said, "Wait a minute, maybe the lesson will be spent and it will be good!" ”

After another two months, I told him that our performance had come down, and we could get an average of 4100 yuan per month. He was happy for me and said, "Not a lot! You are also the one who has extra money every month. ”

I smiled, but I still felt unsure in my heart. After all, this money is not much left after eating and wearing every month.

Like everyone else, I feel that I should also do something for my future life. So in addition to teaching, he began to stay up late to do translation. To make some money, I take on almost every kind of work: sometimes literature, interviews with writers, sometimes drilling reports, pig farm profiles, medical equipment operation procedures.

Once, I saw a freelance translator recruitment information released by a translation company in Guangzhou on the Internet, and the remuneration was very good. The recruitment information finally asks the interested candidates to send 90 yuan, write a clear address, and they will send the information over. I rushed to the post office to remit 90 yuan, and waited for several days without receiving the information - I knew I had been deceived. Complaining to his cousin, he said: "After reading so many books, I still can't live this life well - it's you and me!" ”

In fact, part-time translation is a chore. Those translation companies take over the work from the hands of customers, generally Russian and Chinese quotations of about 220 yuan per thousand words, and assigned to the hands of translators only give 90 yuan per thousand words. I once carefully calculated that according to my translation speed, translating 2,000 words a night is 180 yuan, so that doing ten days a month is also an income - but compared with the house prices in Chengdu, this money is completely negligible. I opened the sales pages, read them a few times, and quickly turned them off, pretending to know nothing about house prices.

Although I earn a little more from translating engineering projects, my favorite thing to do is to translate literary works. I especially enjoy the moments when I am alone in the middle of the night quietly translating novels or poems.

Once, I repeatedly read Paschernac's "Night", translated the passages in it, and wrote it in bookmarks:

"Don't sleep, don't sleep, you have to work,

Don't stop creating,

Don't sleep, you have to fight sleepiness,

Like a pilot, like a galaxy twinkling.

Don't sleep, don't sleep, artist,

Don't succumb to dreams.

You are an eternal hostage,

A prisoner of time. ”

Some articles are very popular with their own reading, so they write and translate and submit them to magazines, which are purely to meet the spiritual pursuit, after all, receiving a remittance slip of 50 yuan in the morning at the post office is also a kind of miscellaneous body

After the cousin got married, he rented a house in Nanjing with his sister-in-law. After having a family, expenses increased and cousins became more strained.

Life is also more strained.

One year, he won a national scholarship of 30,000 yuan and was very happy to call me. I asked my cousin, "How are you going to spend this money?" You don't take your sister-in-law on a trip? ”

"Still traveling?" I heard my sister-in-law on the phone immediately interject, "You don't know how stingy your brother is, every time I propose, let's go out and play once!" He always said to me: The Xia Ma Fang Park in front of our door is not enough for you to play? Let's first read the surrounding Sun Yat-sen Mausoleum, Xuanwu Lake, and Big Bell Pavilion for free. ”

I laughed and knew my sister-in-law wasn't really angry. Later, I called again, and I heard that they had paid the rent with this money, and finally "good steel was used on the blade of the knife."

We all look forward to my cousin graduating with a Ph.D. early and hurrying to work. But in the year of graduation, when he took the job invitation of a "985" university in the northwest to his tutor, the tutor looked at him meaningfully and asked: "Are you willing to go to such a school?" The lab is so bad, are you going to stay there for the rest of your life? The cousin immediately flinched.

He knew that his mentor actually wanted him to stay at the school. However, the premise of staying in school is that the postdoctoral fellows leave the station, and he himself feels that he should fight.

After returning home to discuss with his sister-in-law, my cousin applied for a postdoctoral fellowship at the Chinese Academy of Sciences, but in fact he was still doing research in the laboratory in Nanjing. Both of them were very fond of Nanjing, and hoped that after another two years of fighting, they could finally stay in the city.

"After all, postdocs have a salary of more than 6,000 yuan per month, plus your sister-in-law's salary, and there is a small surplus in life." He repeated these words on the phone. I don't know if he's comforting me or himself.

I also support him to break through again: "After all, you are still young, and you are not in a hurry to buy a house." "But in fact I knew that my sister-in-law had just spent a sum of money because of an accidental miscarriage.

However, at the end of the call, he suddenly became happy and said to me, "We are also people with cars!" ”

I was shocked: "What car did you buy at this time?!" ”

He smiled and said, "It's an electric car." We have calculated that it costs too much for two people to take the bus and subway. Now I ride with your sister-in-law, to our school, I get off, and she rides herself to the company. Half a year can save money for an electric car! ”

I listened to his business experience, and I was surprised and sighed: "Brother, have you noticed that in the past, we used to talk about learning and talking about life ideals all day long, and now we are talking about money every time." ”

He laughed and laughed both men

In the past few years when my cousin and I have gradually felt that life is not easy, the village is also undergoing earth-shaking changes

Dramatic changes are also taking place in the village.

change.

I don't know what year it began, and people in the surrounding villages and towns began to sell fake cigarettes and fake liquor one after another. I have heard the three uncles talk about the business of this industry: some of them have a good relationship with the local tobacco bureau, mixing genuine products with counterfeit tobacco and alcohol to sell; some hang "gift recycling" signs at the door, wait for nearby customers to carry high tobacco and alcohol sent by others, take advantage of the fact that people are not ready to quickly transfer it, and then deliberately open a low price, so that the other party leaves with fake tobacco and alcohol; some directly rent a very small storefront to open an empty store, as long as there is a buyer to inquire, they will transfer counterfeit tobacco and alcohol from the basement or near the unit.

Tobacco and alcohol are originally a profiteering industry, coupled with the fake tobacco and fake wine mixed in, many people in the village are like roosters out of the water - trembling. Before long, people in their hometowns bought houses in the city and returned home for the New Year, and those expensive vehicles blocked the roads in the village and township.

When I passed there with my suitcase, he was chanting to the passing car: "Jin, Lu, Ji, Hubei, Anhui, Xin, obedient, our village is going to open a tobacco hotel all over China!" Who cares about whether it is illegal or not, this year can earn money. ”

I said hello to him. He smiled and asked me, "What about your car, college student?" ”

My cousin and I avoided this kind of question. Obviously, we have graduated for many years, and the people in the village still call us "college students" when they meet, but now this title has completely changed its flavor and become a kind of mockery that is not even obscure.

If it had been more than a decade ago, the villagers would have spit three mouthfuls of spit on the backs of those who were engaged in the business of fake cigarettes and fake alcohol. But now, they only compare whose storefront is bigger and who has more savings in small talk. In recent years, the Tobacco Bureau has stepped up its punishment, and in several villages near us, people are arrested in the field every year because of this. But the people in the village seem to have looked down on "committing crimes" and "squatting in prison", and they will say that in order to make a lot of money, they can afford to take risks, which is called "big skill" and "kind".

As a result, many children who did not finish junior high school were also called back from school by their families, asking for relationships and relatives, just to send them to those tobacco hotels and become cashiers.

Three years ago, Brother Dongfeng's son Reed dropped out of school and went home, because he was only 16 years old, Brother Dongfeng found someone to lie about his age and made an ID card, so that his son went to see a tobacco hotel for a relative's house, but he was arrested and sentenced to a year and a half in prison, and a big cake face was thinned into a bitter melon face. In the winter after his release from prison, liang'er, who had always been kind, played in front of my house, saw reeds coming from afar, asked him a few words about his life in prison, but did not warn him that "I don't dare to do illegal things in the future", but told him: "Be careful in the future, don't be a counter, so that you can run in time." ”

Zhang Lin also made his mark in this smoke and alcohol storm. After coming out of the factory, he first followed his second uncle to buy and sell tobacco and alcohol, and when the business went smoothly, he began to work alone, and then

Despite the crampedness of life, the idealism in my heart burned intermittently. After working in the university for two years, I felt that I should also go to the Doctorate again to improve my ability. Moreover, working in colleges and universities, also studying for a doctorate

Moreover, working in colleges and universities, it is also a matter of morning and evening to study for a doctorate.

Bo is also a matter of sooner or later.

Unexpectedly, after telling my cousin what I thought, he advised me to be cautious.

At that time, he was about to leave the station, because he was looking for a job, and he was hit by reality: the situation was different from what he expected two years ago, and he took the train to interview again and again, and was rejected again and again. Once after his interview, he learned that people had already decided to admit the doctoral students brought by the dean, just to make up for the 3:1 recruitment qualifications, he and another doctor received a notice and took the train to be "cannon fodder".

"It's nice to have a job, don't think about those who don't have ones." His voice on the phone was very tired, like a father who had run three mountains.

But I never overcame the idea of pretending to be a sage, so I signed up for the exam and quit my job. The days of exam preparation were difficult and painful, and I found that I could no longer study as I did when I was a child, because there were always such and such trivialities of life that involved my energy. When I received the doctoral acceptance notice, I had mixed feelings, thinking about the problems of life in the next few years, and my scalp was a little angry.

I called my cousin and said, "I got in. ”

The cousin groaned and said, "Take care." ”

Neither of us said anything more, nor was we surprised at all. I wouldn't have been surprised to get my acceptance letter, and he wouldn't have congratulated me as much as he once did.

Before I resigned and left Chengdu, I took out the 120,000 yuan I earned from two or three years of staying up late to translate and write manuscripts, borrowed money and loans, and bought a small house of 40 square meters - I had a premonition that I would spend this money during my studies, and I thought, it is better to force myself in this way.

When signing the contract, the sales lady told me: "It will take about three or four months for the bank to approve it." I smiled and replied to her, "I'd rather it come down later." "Because a successful approval means starting to pay off the mortgage, and I don't know where the first month's mortgage is."

At the end of June, my cousin called me and said

"Is there a talent introduction fee?" I was eager

"Is there a talent introduction fee?" I asked eagerly

Talent Introduction Fees? I asked eagerly.

Asked cutly.

"Now the better schools still have this, only the scientific research start-up fee is more than 50,000 yuan, which is issued in 5 years, about 1,000 yuan per month."

"Is there a temporary dormitory?" My tone was a little distracted.

"Don't think about it. Give a few hundred dollars a month to rent a subsidy. His voice was lower.

Despite this, the cousin decided to go. However, the school has a rule that the newly introduced people will enter in batches, and he will continue to wait.

After the cousin decided to go to Shijiazhuang, he called Zhang Lin - Zhang Lin's tobacco hotel is in Shijiazhuang, and he can often meet in the future. Zhang Lin was particularly happy to receive the call, saying that as soon as he arrived in Shijiazhuang, he would quickly meet, "I am now in Xi'an."

The cousin asked carelessly, "Why did you run to Xi'an?" ”

Zhang Linzhiwu took half a day before he said vaguely, "Isn't it that the houses are all rising now... I'll come and see the house..."

Zhang Lin bought two houses in Shijiazhuang at that time, which already belonged to the ranks of "limited purchase". Hearing that Xi'an was also about to be restricted, he and a few friends quickly went there, ready to grab a set for investment.

That night my cousin chatted with me again, and when the conversation was over, both of us were in a dull mood. I stayed in the rental house, watched a variety show for a while, felt extremely irritable, lying on the bed brushing the WeChat circle of friends over and over again, suddenly jumped out of the state of my cousin's new hair, which is an excerpted ancient poem:

Wang Maolou ship under Yizhou,

The Jinling King's spirit was gloomy

My cousin and sister-in-law decided to send everything from Nanjing to their hometown first. Including, of course, the electric car. They found a free ride and spent 200 yuan to pull the electric car

Windmill, spent 200 yuan to pull the electric car back to his hometown, ready to bring it later

The train was pulled back to his hometown and prepared to be taken to Shijiazhuang later.

Take it to Shijiazhuang later.

The two originally planned to welcome the arrival of the child at home while making peace of mind and other work arrangements. My cousin also has two papers in revision, ready to submit to the international authoritative botanical journal. But a few months passed, the work notice was delayed, and the sister-in-law miscarried for the second time due to physical reasons.

This accident hit my cousin hard. Neither parent was at home, and he took care of him alone in the hospital, holding back from thinking too much and not making eye contact with his sister-in-law—he was afraid that both of them would cry out loud.

"There's another card where the money is gone." My cousin sent me a WeChat.

At that time, I was giving substitute classes to the training institution outside the school, 100 yuan per class, and I had not yet received a salary. Substitute classes are done secretly, and I am afraid that the tutor will be angry when he finds out. After all, for a Doctor, such a precious time should be spent on scientific research. Although I struggled, I quickly convinced myself that the school's monthly living allowance for doctors was 1250 yuan, and my monthly mortgage was 1890 yuan. If I don't work part-time, I can't even afford to eat, so how can I have the strength to flip through books?

Almost all the Doctoral students who don't have a job do this, and everyone in the corridor often asks each other: "Didn't you do part-time work today?" ”

The substitute class life lasted for half a year, and after the Spring Festival, the work was over, and I was once again in an economic crisis. After borrowing money a few times, a friend suggested to me: "Why don't you start a Russian tutoring class online?" "Soon there will be a national russian language professional level 4 exam, and I can open a level 4 grammar tutoring class, teach a lot, and have a little income."

With excitement, I hesitated when I finished editing the admissions advertisement in WeChat and "sending" the main point. The intellectual purity and self-esteem of my body swept in again, and after much thought, I just sent the admissions advertisement to the students I had taught, and deliberately blocked the tutors, former colleagues and classmates.

The moment I clicked "Send", I had mixed feelings: thanks to the WeChat circle of friends and the "don't show anyone" function, it is like the last "fig leaf" on my body, so that a doctoral student who has been studying for 23 years can retain the only bit of "decency".

The "live lectures" were conducted for a month, half an hour a day. I recruited 50 of my classmates, most of whom were former students of my own. I was embarrassed to charge more money, 40 yuan per person, and finally earned 2,000 yuan and paid off the mortgage for the month. After all, it is something I like, the students recognize, and I am very motivated to do it.

My cousin and sister-in-law also face the problem of eating. Although in the hometown, it is still inevitable that daily consumption. It is somewhat unwise to rush to Shijiazhuang without notice – the rent itself is a problem, and the sister-in-law is weak and unable to immediately after losing her child

After losing the child, he was too weak to find a job immediately, and the cousin himself was

Fa immediately looked for a job, and the cousin himself did not know what job he could do

I don't know what I can do.

Work.

Really, he's been reading books for over twenty years, and what else can he do besides do research?

When my cousin doesn't write papers, he also does a little part-time job online. He once recommended a translation website to me, others sent small sentences in Chinese and English that needed to be translated, and a group of netizens who did part-time work on the Internet began to grab orders and translate a 1 yuan.

He told me happily: "Sometimes you can grab more than 30 sentences a day. ”

As I listened to him talk about it, I vaguely remembered that a few years ago, someone in a neighboring village assigned curtain beads to women in the village who had nothing to do. The second eldest lady squinted her eyes and picked up the embroidery needle, sat at the table meticulously, and could earn 10 yuan a day and a half.

This association made me feel sad, and I could only try to say something optimistic to my cousin: "Then you still earn more than I do Russian translation, and I only give 90 yuan for translating 1,000 words." ”

One day, my cousin and sister-in-law were probably really bored, and when they saw the idle women of the village go to the fields contracted by others to cut cabbage, they had a clever idea: Why don't you do some manual work to earn money? Earn a little is a little.

The two men came to the cabbage field and couldn't do it for a day—the women of the village giggled and greeted their companions everywhere: "Come and see!" PhD students have come to chop cabbage! A PhD student, a college student..."

When they got home, they hugged each other and cried for a long time. My cousin later told me, "It's still in this village when we were kids, it's still those neighbors." only

In January 2017, my cousin finally went to Shijiazhuang as he wished, and his sister-in-law also entered the school's annex

Zhuang joined the company, and his sister-in-law also entered the school's affiliated units. But then he did

of affiliates work. But then they are faced with Shijiazhuang housing prices

Then they are faced with the reality of soaring housing prices in Shijiazhuang.

The reality of soaring house prices.

"Hurry up and buy a set!" If you don't buy it, you can't afford it. His colleagues were kind enough to remind him.

Therefore, the cousin, such a wooden and dull intellectual, mobilized all close relatives and friends, borrowed 500,000 yuan in half a month, plus 100,000 yuan of savings for himself and his family, and paid a down payment for a 60-square-meter commercial house.

During the summer vacation, I came home from Beijing and stopped by Shijiazhuang to see him. Without a few words, he told me: "Tonight I will invite you and Zhang Lin to dinner, you must accompany him, this time he bought a house he made a big deal." ”

As he spoke, he drew a small note from the purse compartment and said, "This note is worth 500,000." Every day I take it out and look at it, it's a mountain on my back! ”

I looked at the serious face of his brow tightened, and couldn't help but laugh helplessly. Taking the note, a small yellow sticky note paper with many people's names written on it was neatly written: 20,000 of a relative, 30,000 of college classmates, 15,000 loans from colleagues...

When I learned that he was fundraising, I had just paid off my mortgage for a month, and the balance on my card was less than four figures. I thought about it and borrowed 20,000 from a friend to give him. This note also contains my pen, followed by a line in italics: Urgent, priority.

Zhang Lin lent the most money, 150,000.

After reading these numbers, I also felt that it was difficult to breathe. Looking up at him, he asked, "What is your monthly salary now?" ”

“3800。” He was expressionless and his eyes were staring straight at me, as if he were pronouncing a verdict.

I shook my head slightly, unable to believe it anyway. For a moment, I suddenly thought very lyrically: he is a postdoctoral expatriate who has read books for more than twenty years, a senior scientific researcher who has been trained by the state with huge funds, and the main force in the future development of the country.

"Wait a minute, it'll be fine." I moved out of his words of comforting me, comforting him. After a pause, I said, "Tell you a joke!" A student I taught a few days ago invited me to dinner in Beijing and asked about my salary in college, and he said, Teacher, come to our company! Our company's internship salary is more than twice your salary..."

This joke of mine caused a tearful laugh from three people.

The sister-in-law later sighed and said, "Don't compare." You are intellectuals, and you should live in peace and happiness. ”

I glanced at my cousin. He picked up the bowl and drank the beer in the bowl dry, as if repenting, a low voice came out of the oppressed voice: "How do I think that we have been read all these years?" ”

Editor 丨 Xu Zhibo

Title picture 丨 "North Village Direction" stills

Reprinted in TheLivings