Chinese men marrying Cambodian women is considered normal and commendable. The fact that Chinese women marry Cambodian men is shocking and controversial, and this difference has long existed.
"It's really a disgrace to Chinese women's faces", "Maybe because you look ugly", "Are you not filial piety", "Are you crazy", "Cabbage is arched by pigs", "Is there no male in China"...
The perspective of Chinese men and the perspective of Chinese women have their own judgments and speculations. However, returning to the real case of Chinese and Cambodian couples can explore the reasons and essence.
Is it really humiliating for three Chinese women to marry Cambodian boys, a marriage spanning 2591 kilometers?
Reporter: Maggie Pan
Edit: Wei Qimeng
The real marriage of 3 Chinese women: long-distance marriage, respect, happiness
At Pusan University in South Korea, Liu Qianhui from northeastern China meets her future husband, a Cambodian boy. Qianhui is from northeast China, working as an anchor in South Korea, with high appearance, high education and high career, and has been favored by many people.
"He doesn't speak Chinese, but he's very good at Khmer, Korean, and English." Qianhui was full of interest in the Cambodian boy. After contact, Qianhui felt that he was very inconsistent with the northeast boys around him, and the calmness and calmness in his personality always gave people a sense of reassurance.
And he and Qianhui also made an agreement, "the three-minute rule", if there is a quarrel, he will come to Qianhui and say: I think we need to talk! At this time, Qianhui will slowly calm down and communicate with him.
In 2014, he returned to China after completing his studies, while Qian hui continued to stay in Cambodia. The two have a cross-border relationship, and when the relationship is stable, they choose to step into marriage. Qian Hye quit his job from Korea and returned to Cambodia with him without hesitation.
After that, the couple settled in Cambodia, and both of them worked as educators at PANNASASTRA University in Cambodia with high academic qualifications. "I love my husband, so I love Cambodia too, and I want it to get better."
As a northeastern girl, Qianhui has traveled thousands of miles to marry Cambodian men, from meeting and getting married, it has been as long as 10 years now, and their happiness is still continuing.
Many of the examples come from the background of "high education". The two sides meet in school, have the same academic background, have the same concept, and the probability of entering marriage is naturally greater.
However, in addition to academic qualifications, there are still many people who are really impressed by Cambodian boys and are willing to accompany Cambodia for life. In the video account "Dizi's Angkor Wat Diary", Dizi is the best representative.
(Flute's husband Jin Suowen)
In Dizi's videos, her husband, Jin Suwen, can often be seen in the camera. He does everything he can with cleaning, weeding, tending the yard, cooking, even bringing children.
Di Zi traveled to Angkor Wat in Cambodia by chance. At that time, Jin Suwen happened to be her tour guide, one liked to travel, one liked to talk about tourism, because the hobbies were similar, they talked very closely.
After leaving Cambodia, Kim Suo Man was obsessed with the flute, and the two sides frequently communicated through social software. When Di Zi traveled to Thailand, Jin Suwen also went with him.
Perhaps it was the following at that time that made Di Zifang secretly agree, and secretly had feelings for this firm and steady boy. Later, the two naturally married and had a baby, and now they have a lovely daughter.
In the video, although Dizi is in a foreign country and in the "dangerous" Cambodia, she always presents a natural, soft and happy state.
Such a state also makes people yearn for the beauty of Cambodia. It is said that a woman's state is the most emblematic of the marital relationship, and the Cambodian boy Jin Suwen's love for the flute can also be reflected in the gentleness of the flute's mouth.
Such a marriage relationship is enviable, and it also makes people feel the different pleasures of Sino-Cambodian marriage.
The reporter interviewed Li Xiaoling, a Chinese woman who was married to Cambodia, and during her college years, she established a relationship with the Cambodian boy and decided to go to marriage.
At that time, both were in China, and people around her would question her, marrying Cambodia, what about your parents? Are you going to settle in Cambodia? Won't you come back in the future?
Such a statement made her very distressed, because she and her husband had long decided that no matter where they settled in the future, they would not abandon their parents. Up to now, they have also implemented according to the agreement, "at least twice a year, we will return to China regularly and go back to see our parents." ”
Xiaoling's childhood was not stable, she was born in a place that favored sons over daughters, and the concept of her parents and neighbors often made her feel unequal, so she was very resistant to sexism from an early age.
"In fact, many Chinese look down on Cambodians, racism, sexism, machismo, many Chinese men are like this." Chinese men have found a Cambodian wife, the comment area is clapping their hands, Chinese women have found a Cambodian husband, and the comment area is a personal attack. XiaoLing said.
Married to her Cambodian husband, Xiaoling felt that she was very lucky. Because he respects women very much, respects himself, and is willing to take care of people. It is extremely important that they have the same view and can talk about the world.
"The important thing about Sino-Cambodian marriage is not who marries whom, because marriage is a marriage that two people have agreed to be married."
Whether it is a Chinese man marrying a Cambodian woman, or a Chinese woman marrying a Cambodian man, the essence is the same, as long as the two sides have deep feelings, the three views are consistent, and the economy is in line, the so-called distance and gap will be solved.
If Cambodian women marry Chinese men will be happy, then Chinese women will also have a happy side when they marry Cambodian men. From different angles, you can also feel the praiseworthy side of Sino-Cambodian marriage.
Marrying a Cambodian man: dissuading, dissuading, opposing
Chinese men coming to Cambodia to find girlfriends and marry wives are a long-standing topic.
Over the past two or three decades, countless Cambodian women have married to China. Whether actively or forcibly, a paper marriage contract has nailed this transnational marriage. Chinese men who go to Cambodia, in addition to earning money, many people also go to "find a wife".
But I don't know when it began, there is a custom, come here to find a daughter-in-law like a concubine, there is no mutual agreement, only the balance of money and interests.
"The age of the Chinese and Cambodian couples who come to get the license is generally around 20 years old, but the age of the man spans from 20 to 40 years old."
Getting married when you have money and divorcing without money is also very common in Chinese-Cambodian marriages. Therefore, in the long run-in, more and more Chinese believe that marrying Cambodian women is for the sake of their parents' expectations, for the sake of succession, and for the sake of having a family. But there are very few people who can really marry for love.
Compared with traditional love marriages, such marriages are more of a coincidence, and there is also a clear hierarchical gap between the two parties. However, this does not affect the rise in the number of such Chinese-Cambodian marriages in any way.
In Cambodia, the proportion of "Chinese men marrying Cambodian women" accounts for more than 80% of Sino-Cambodian marriages, and possibly even higher.
However, the situation of "Chinese women marrying Cambodian men" is rare.
(Figure from the network)
Chinese women are willing to marry foreigners, but they are not willing to marry Cambodian men. This is a rather interesting statement, the so-called "foreigners" include the United States, Britain, France, South Korea and other developed countries, but do not include Myanmar, Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia in Southeast Asia.
So to have a Chinese woman choose Cambodia, it really needs to use magnifying glasses to find.
Whether it is from the perspective of economic and cultural background, or from the perspective of women's marriage requirements, women's trial and error costs are higher than men's.
First of all, from the economic point of view, Cambodia's wage level is generally low, men's economic level is low, Chinese women are prone to fall into the poverty trap after marrying in the past, the gap in quality of life is also prone to contradictions, and marriage will naturally not last.
The second is the "danger" of Cambodia as a strange country, from news reports to examples around it, the so-called "net investment", "fraud", "speeding car party" emerge in an endless stream, and there are more crises in the development of a woman here. Compared with men, it is more difficult for women to protect themselves in a foreign country.
In addition, the background and cultural differences between the two parties can easily make women feel divorced. There are many cases of discord between the two sides due to cultural differences in Sino-Cambodian marriage.
From the aspects of language communication, money concept, parenting concept, etc., the difference between the two sides can be seen, and in the continuous cultural output and rejection of the competition, contradictions will ensue.
And there are countless women who regret marriage on the Internet, because of long-distance marriage, mountains and rivers, even if they are wronged, it is difficult to return to their in-laws' homes to seek stability. For example, the distance from Guangdong to Hunan is enough to make many married women repent, not to mention the distance from China to Cambodia.
In the concept of Chinese social norms, marrying a man, a caravan bride price is a must. But in Cambodia, where the local girls' requirements are lower, it will also affect men's choices to a certain extent, and in this case, it is natural to reduce the requirements for Chinese women.
Women are no better than men, they are more likely to suffer losses in marriage, and once they fall into the whirlpool of divorce, they are easily "disliked" by their mother's family, accused and ridiculed by outsiders, and damaged in reputation and spirit. So the cost of trial and error for women to marry is really high, and once there is an abnormality in marriage, the consequences need to be borne are much higher than those of men.
In addition to approaching issues from a woman's perspective, many Chinese men have also expressed their views. In the article "I am a Chinese girl, what happened to the Cambodian boy?" Under the post, many Chinese expressed their attitude in the comment area:
"Probably because you're ugly." , "It's really a shame to the face of Chinese women", "Are you not filial piety", "Are you crazy", "Cabbage is arched by pigs", "Is there no male in China"...
Of the 180 comments, most came from the anger, confusion and ridicule of Chinese men. Whether it is from the perspective of Chinese men's protection of Chinese women, from the perspective of Chinese men's rejection of Cambodian men, from the perspective of Chinese men admonishing their descendants with the attitude of their predecessors: Chinese women marry Cambodian men, it seems to have committed a big taboo.
This is from a male point of view, there are some people who remain neutral or supportive, but on the whole, the opposition is still the majority.
The same is true in the Sino-Cambodian transnational marriage, and Chinese women who choose to marry Cambodian men must consider clearly:
Are you willing to bear such trial and error results? Are you willing to accept such cross-border distances? Are you willing to accept a more precarious future state of development than at home?
Admittedly, from the perspective of both Chinese men and Chinese women, there seem to be a lot of obstacles to marrying a Cambodian man. But isn't marrying a Cambodian man worthy of blessing?
We can't explore whether it is appropriate or not from one aspect alone, after all, after really entering marriage, there are many factors that determine happiness, and we can also transcend some worldly concepts and limitations.
Examples like Qianhui, Flute, and Xiaoling are still in the minority, but that doesn't mean there aren't. Therefore, marrying a Cambodian boy, if the choice is appropriate, is also a high-quality marriage.
Once married, the long-term decision of marriage is whether two people can continue to provide "value" to each other.
Chinese women marry Cambodian boys, do not lose anyone's face, let alone lose the "face of Chinese women".
【Further reading】
Refueling in Cambodia, I was accidentally pit by Cambodians
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