When people reach middle age, they can't help but sigh:
Circles are getting smaller, friends are getting fewer, and social interactions are becoming more and more closed.
Friends who once had nothing to talk about gradually faded out of sight, and the noisy circles of the past gradually disappeared.
Faced with this social truth, some people are becoming more and more anxious, while others are becoming more and more sober.
Calling friends is only a temporary state, and being alone is the norm for most people.
There was a question on the Internet: Why are middle-aged people less and less friends?
The adult world follows a principle of subtractive communication, which is a passive result for some people and an active choice for some.
His friend Xiao Gao is usually a very enthusiastic person, no matter where he goes, his popularity is particularly good.
On weekends, he would receive all sorts of invitations, either by this person to a party or by another friend.
These were purely hedonistic socializations, which he had promised a few times at first, and then he had stopped agreeing to them.
On weekends, he prefers to stay at home and watch movies and spend time with his family.
When someone came back to invite, he simply refused.
The rejected person later connotated him in the circle of friends and was sent a screenshot to Xiao Gao.
Xiao Gao cried and laughed when he saw it:
"I don't like the circle, I just want to refuse, not everyone, I have to be friends with him." 」
Yes, adult friendship, if all come and don't refuse, how cheap it should be.
When people reach middle age, they become more and more decisive in the face of interpersonal relationships, although they seem a little cool, but they are a kind of crisp and sober with insight into the world.
Just like there is a sentence in "Murder on the Orient Express":
"At this stage, we already know very well what we like and what we hate. Enjoy what you like, and don't do anything if you hate. ”
The social principle of middle-aged people: Although there are fewer and fewer friends, the threshold for making friends is getting higher and higher.
Don't let meaningless people into your own world, and don't have to wrongfully humiliate yourself to cater to circles that don't belong to you.
As an adult, the principle of friendship is the first meaning, with people who are happy and comfortable with each other, together are gathered, and if they are not together, they are scattered.
Under the epidemic situation, if you accidentally encounter isolation and sealing, it will be as little as 2 weeks and as many as several months.
At this time, it is very testing a person's ability to be alone.
A girl on the Internet exposed her own life of epidemic control.
During the stay-at-home period, she had to make WeChat phone calls and chats with different friends every day to talk about each other's living conditions.
At the end of the conversation, there was really nothing to talk about, friends let her find something to do, she began to collapse and cry, and she cried and said that she could not be alone.
She needs to communicate with people, even if she doesn't talk and open the video.
When she is alone, life loses its rhythm, either staying up late to play games, or eating irregularly, and her mood becomes very depressed.
Her life cannot be without an outlet for foreign exchanges, otherwise it will become chaotic.
Even without the pandemic, as adults, we have to be able to be alone.
In this life, there is a time limit for spending time with anyone, parents will grow old, children will travel far, partners will leave, and one day, you will have to face your own life.
At this time, how do you live with yourself?
There is such a passage in "Cai Kangyong's Emotional Intelligence Lesson":
We often hear people advise others: you have to open your heart, but we have never heard anyone advise others: you have to close your heart.
Don't forget that sometimes you have to choose to close the door of your heart, which is an ability, to put it bluntly, the ability to get along with yourself.
Solitude is a way of life that explores inwards.
In this process, we gradually abandon our attention and dependence on the outside world, dig out the inner strength, and find our own treasures.
If you are a person who is internally lacking, this period will be difficult;
If you are a person who is rich inside, then congratulations, you have successfully completed your homework.
To be born as a human being, the first thing to learn is the ability to be independent, and the second is the ability to be alone.
People who can adapt to being alone will certainly be able to live happily on other days.
In the entertainment circle where the chips are staggered and the hustle and bustle is exchanged, Chen Daoming is an alien existence.
Everyone else was crowding out to create topics and increase exposure, and he couldn't hear anything about him except for work.
Although as an actor, he prefers the quiet and comfortable of being alone than the prosperity of being noticed and surrounded by people.
When he is alone, he spends his time on his hobbies, enjoying a rich quiet.
In an essay titled "Do Something Useless," Chen Daoming wrote about his life alone:
I played the piano well since I was a child, and I loved it to love it.
After middle age, I became obsessed with painting.
Now I like to copy ancient books such as the Tao Te Ching.
I also do some handicrafts, sugar man, noodle man, carpenter, tailor, these few handicrafts I am still good at.
......
Such a time alone, not only does not make people feel boring, it sounds desirable.
His personality of liking to be alone has also shaped his personality.
When others are in the sea of the entertainment industry and are washed away by desire, only he still maintains a humble gentleman with clear eyes and a clear heart.
That's the case with really powerful people.
Walking through the prosperity, you do not cover your eyes for the floating clouds, endure loneliness, and find a vast world in the realm of solitude.
Zhou Guoping once wrote about several states of solitude:
One is trepidation, confusion, and single-mindedness to escape from loneliness;
The second is to gradually get used to loneliness, establish the organization of life with peace of mind, and use reading, writing, etc. to expel loneliness;
Third, loneliness itself becomes a poetic soil, evoking deep thinking and experience about life and self.
There is a time of solitude in life, which is a rare period of practice for a person.
Only when people are alone can they calm down, constantly see themselves, focus on their hearts, precipitate themselves, enrich their own inners, and obtain the improvement of their thoughts.
In the Natsume Friends' Account, it is said:
"I must admit that most of my life is lonely, and trying to grow up is the best game that can be played in loneliness."
Instead of seeking the hustle and bustle of other places, it is better to recognize the reality early, give up the illusion, and understand that being alone is the norm in most people's lives.
From now on, learn to turn off the outside sounds, listen to the inner sounds, and when you learn to dance with the soul, you will gain the greatest freedom in this life.
How you spend your time alone, how you live this life.
Click [Look], may you cultivate a stronger self in your time alone.
The author | Su Shanshu will not be reasonable, but will only tell stories.
The anchor | Jennings, the world is so noisy, I would like to give you the peace of mind of this moment with your voice.
Pictures | Visual China