Lovers of time
Author: Liang Ying
I think the Creator does favor some people more, though He is so careless in fabricating most people.
"Li Du's article is in, the flame of light is long", good literature and art will always use the spiritual flame to light up the dark life of the latecomers, break their confusion and self-grasping, and make people optimistic and hopeful in an unpleasant situation, which may be the highest meaning of reading: through the dialogue of the soul, reconstruct themselves, learn to reconcile with themselves and life.
Whenever I am faced with life difficulties and spiritual difficulties, I first think of frida Carlo, a Mexican female painter. This time, though, I had a very different interpretation of Frida than I had in the past.
Frida's life was fragmented and colorful. A serious car accident at the age of eighteen caused multiple fractures and fractures on her body, which left her body underwent more than 30 surgeries and endured severe pain for a long time. God closed a door for her, but another window for her. The weapon of the genius girl is the color pen. Painting makes the pain in life not only pain, but also art. Her paintings are widely selected and can be painted by everything, but more often because of her traumatic experiences, which make her paintings not only have a strong narrative, but also have a strong emotion. Many times Frida even expresses her pain, despair, anger, crying and struggle in a bloody way, which is completely different from the soothing style of traditional painting. However, the artist's aesthetic view of self and life can distance himself from the suffering he has suffered and transcend it, which is the luck of Frida. Life and art intertwined, and Frida eventually became a great artist.
Frida's husband is Vera, a famous Mexican muralist, and her mentor. Frida lived in rivera's shadow all her life, constantly suffering betrayal and hurt. She lived a very brash life, liked to do carnival parties, liked to drink, had relationships with many people, and was the most famous slut of her time. Regarding Frida, there are two widely circulated keywords in the evaluation of Later generations: damage and fearlessness, which I used to think so.
And when I was deeply trapped in the predicament of life, I had different feelings about many people and things. As Mu Xin said: "On refinement, fate is the most exquisite." I thought I had met a soulmate who was deeply compatible, but I caught a glimpse of fate's mocking expression. It was a bad experience I had never had in my life: missing someone but not being able to have it completely; wanting to give up and not giving up; trying to let go and cherishing the beauty of the past. The favored are always fearless. Until all sincerity is completely ignored. Remembering Miyazaki's words that day: "I moved the idea of leaving you, not because you are poor, nor because I don't love you, but because of the attitude you gave me, so that I feel that your world does not lack me", I burst into tears. "This can be a memory, but at that time it was already confused", I knew that this one-way love from the beginning was completely over.
Those silent tears of the morning and dusk, heartbreak and heartbreak! Until one day I read a passage from Feng Tang, I was released. I walked to the mirror, looked at the woman standing in the mirror, and silently said to her in my heart: "You are the most beautiful girl in the world, you deserve the best love!" From now on, please take back your passionate love! Someone has failed you, you have to learn to leave right away! For the rest of your life, please exist only for yourself! "Never again do you have to bear this deep pain." I know, I'm obsessed with going...
It was at this moment that I suddenly developed a new understanding and affection for Frida. Once upon a time, I felt that there was a kind of heroism in her debauchery, but now, I have compassion for her. As Mu Xin said: "The plot of life lies in being weak, and being weak out of life is strong", not her superficial strength. This way of relieving the pains of life is not clever. Love is happiness, love is happiness, if it is too painful, it is better to let go as soon as possible and let love be free. My eyes flashed with her image. She likes to wear traditional Mexican dress, the kind of long, ornate costume that wears rare gems. Her people and paintings give people a strong feeling, which will make people feel sad. As Gu Cheng's poem said: "Flowers bloom like fire, but also like loneliness." In this magnificence, there is a loneliness that cannot be hidden. If there can be a dialogue beyond time and space, I must tell her: when you meet someone unladylike, quit in time, let go of the shackles, don't linger, smile and leave, maybe the best gesture.
Of course, it wasn't just Von Don who redeemed me, but duras, a French writer who had loved me for many years. During this time when my mood was at a low ebb, I revisited his writings again, and I felt a lot of emotions and enlightenment!
Authenticity and boldness are duras's most impactful feelings: in "Lover", she confesses that she has a happy face at the age of fifteen; she wants to kill her eldest brother in front of her mother; there is a strong hatred between relatives; she writes sex, with a large scale, with a posture that does not care about shame, fearless and arbitrary. In life, she said frankly, "If I wasn't a writer, I would be a prostitute," and she loved to show her soul naked. It seems that people are a little helpless about her wildness and deviance, so they gave her a name: the shocking Duras. I suppose that when Duras heard such a label, he would most likely smile charmingly, then turn away without saying a word. Whenever I feel panicked in my life, Duras, who is not afraid of the eyes of others, is like a needle in the sea, which can quickly stabilize my mind.
In his own spontaneity, Duras let his emotions be deeply released. At the end of "Lover", the girl becomes a twilight woman and receives a strange phone call, although it is decades away, she still hears the voice of a Chinese man at once. He said that as in the past, he still loved her, he could not help but love her, and he said that he loved her and would love her until he died. The novel comes to an abrupt end on the man's phone call. It turned out that the Chinese man was not a playboy, and his eyes on the girl had been growing and spreading since she left; on the passenger ship leaving Saigon and returning to France, the eighteen-year-old girl wept and found herself deeply in love with the Chinese man. In the novel, Duras poignantly says that he grew old at the age of eighteen. It turns out that the girl is not a prostitute, she is a wonderful lover worthy of the love of Chinese men for a lifetime.
"Lover" is a writing that dares to defy conventions. A man and a woman first have the pleasure of the flesh, and then there is a bitter love. The same is true of duras' screenplay for director Aaron Renai, Love of Hiroshima. A French woman and a Japanese man meet in Hiroshima Pingshui, burning with desire and with unknowing love. The closer it was to her flight, the more they loved. The woman says to the man, "I met you." I remember you... How could I doubt that the city was born right for love? How can I doubt that you are born right for my flesh? "They meet, agree, and then separate, the barrier of time and space ignores the limitations of the flesh, and the beautiful appearance becomes each other's eternal memory." Like Saigon, Hiroshima has since become a sad and romantic city for fans all over the world. This kind of writing seems to tell us that convention is used to subvert. It seems that whether it is life or writing, there must be a little rebellious spirit.
Art is a meaningful form, and meaning is always precipitated in form. "Lover" breaks the traditional novel linear narrative time, the narrative constantly jumps and flashbacks, and the warm emotions are restrained by the flexible structure, and because of this restraint, there is no end. The simple male and female love story is delayed by her cunning time and time again, and the branches are horizontal and retracted freely, which makes people feel both fresh and steep, making the novel sway and colorful, and looking forward to it and looking forward to it. Everyone is a person with a story, and telling the story wonderfully tests the artistic skills of a writer. Many years later, a popular Word in China - "pure desire", pure and desire, and Duras's novel, has long had such a texture: in the purity of the first love, there is a surge of desire, there is a kind of beautiful sexiness.
Eclectic writing reflects the freedom of Duras's thought. For a writer, there is nothing more precious than freedom of thought. As a writer, Duras pioneered the trend, in "Hiroshima Love" she has skillfully used the "meta-novel" narrative technique, the narrative of the narrative can be seen everywhere in the script, so that the work can be easily switched between the real and fictional, and in China, it was not until 1985, when the avant-garde writers entered the literary world as a group, and a Han Chinese named Ma Yuan began to tell his life in Tibet in novels such as "The Temptation of Ganges", and the "narrative trap" was widely known. As a woman, Duras is charming, but this charm is not French elegance, but stems from her rebellion, casualness and freedom. She has a rich love history, and although she is warm when she loves, she also has the courage to retreat at any time. No one can confiscate her happiness, and she has always allowed herself to dominate the relationship, like most men. She deeply understood how important it was to live happily, and even time could not restrain her. Can't you fall in love at 70? According to the conversation, for her, any time to fall in love is the right age, she refuses to be defined by age, refuses to be limited by everything. Because she is unrestrained, she has gained a realm of freedom.
I often close my eyes and imagine, if I were to make an emotional intuition for Duras, which one would it be? That's the best way to dress up as a young girl in "Lover": wearing a silk dress with a low open collar and a striking rosewood flat-brimmed men's hat on her head, so unusual and unforgettable. As the poet Coleridge said, quoted by Virginia Woolf in "A Room of Oneself" and put into practice in the novel "Orlando", and thus famously said: "The great mind is always hermaphrodite", Duras has both the femininity of a woman and the masculinity of a man, and is a person with more integrity than ordinary people, so that men cannot hurt her or deprive her. Even her writing carries a bisexual temperament, which is extremely rare among female writers, and another often recalled is Sartre's most famous companion, the French existentialist writer Simone De Beauvoir, who is famous for "The Second Sex". Therefore, her beauty is particularly moving and lethal. Therefore, the interpretation of Duras itself is a process of cultivating life energy and making one's spirit go from weak to strong and even energetic.
If Duras gives people a sense of excellence, then the Taiwanese female writer Sanmao gives people a sense of independence. She is a writer who has nourished me a lot and has had a profound impact on my life.
When I was a child, I liked to listen to the song "Olive Tree" composed by Sanmao and sung by Qi Yu, the first sentence was: "Don't ask me where I came from, my hometown is far away", I always thought that the far away that Sanmao said was taiwan, the hometown of her parents, and later after reading her articles, I learned that for her, the places she loved and lived were all hometowns, and they were not stuck in the sense of natural geography. Just as, for Xu Zhimo, the hometown in his pen has never been Haining, Zhejiang, but Kangqiao, which is far away in Britain.
All along, there has been a strong feeling: Li Bai is a foreigner, because he has a strong gypsy temperament, a sense of bohemian atmosphere that naturally loves wandering. As Yu Guangzhong said in the poem "In Search of Li Bai": "What has become a mystery so far is your place of origin, Longxi or Shandong, Qinglian Township or Broken Leaf City, why not go back, which hometown?" Wherever you are drunk, you have said, it is not another place. "And Sanmao, there is also such a bohemian style. A kind of freedom and detachment that although he loves the red dust deeply, he also dares to exile himself to the end of the world. It was Sanmao that cultivated my wandering complex and free and transcendent temperament. Some time ago, watching the TV series "The World of People", when the parents happened to come to the house to live, whenever Zhou Rong, played by Xiao Songjia, appeared, her father would point at her and say: "The personality is exactly the same as my daughter", and then the three people looked at each other and laughed. Indeed, going far away to find love, not hesitating to abandon the whole world, is a drama that I will definitely stage when I read Sanmao all over the world since I was a child.
In her early years, Sanmao had bitterly loved a person, and she was stubbornly grinding, but the other party had been indifferent, and in order to heal her love wounds, she had to go to Spain. When I saw this at a very young age, I deeply understood that love depends on heartbeat and conquest, not on demand. Instead of being loved, demanding will cause a woman to lose her dignity. Fate twists and turns, in a foreign country, Sanmao meets a pair of arms that tighten around her, a person full of her eyes, a romantic Spanish lover Jose. A woman, only in those who love herself, can be regarded as a treasure, treated well, and cherished. As Mu Xin said in "The Past of Su Lu", only when a pianist is fortunate enough to encounter a high-quality keyboard can he play a wonderful musical tone.
Later, by chance, Sanmao saw a photo of the Sahara Desert in the National Geographic magazine in the United States, and he had a nostalgic feeling in his previous life, insisting on chasing his dream, and Jose tacitly packed up his luggage, both rushed to the Sahara Desert, and handed himself over to the land without reservation. The two live in the cemetery area, and Sanmao uses a pair of skillful hands to decorate the home into the warmest and most romantic place in the desert. In a financially strapped situation, she read and wrote during the day and was the fairy companion of the bearded Jose at night.
Sanmao said she opened a Chinese restaurant in the desert and the first dish she cooked for Jose was chicken soup cooked by vermicelli. When Jose asked her fans what it was, she said it was the first rain of spring, and when I typed it years later, it was spring, and it was raining lightly outside the window, and I couldn't help my own tears; she said that under the blue sky of the Atlantic, it was also happy to share a box of cherries with Jose. Happiness, sometimes it is so simple, why should we be attached to the poor and the rich; she said, to give herself to Jose, it is the death of a confidant. Because of the overflow of happiness, she was afraid and sad. She was Jose's heart, the heart of the desert forever.
Sanmao's love is fiery and sincere, the words are simple and flexible, and the appeal is full of points, which is the most precious nutrient I have drawn from her. Although the way writers present their usual way of life, such as Zhou Zuoren, will also be widely sought after, I still like the cheerfulness and happiness of the Sanmao upturned tone.
Jose later drowned in a dive, and Sanmao had endless tears. After years of suffering, Sanmao left this world resolutely. I was in my second year of college. When I heard the news on the radio that night, I was walking around the campus, it was January, and it was very windy. I stood under the tree, my hair disheveled and in pain. It was a scar that grew secretly in the heart and could never be healed, and to this day there is a strong feeling of pain.
There are many photos of Sanmao, and there was also a book called "Sanmao Private Photo Album". One of my favorites is one taken by Sanmao when he was in the desert. Three hairs and a white dress, long hair flying, the desert wind blowing away her white dress. She put her hands on her chest and had a sad expression. This is her true side, just as most of her words are sad. Sadness is close to the category of aesthetic tragedy, which can reveal the essence and essence of life, while happiness cannot. Therefore, Sanmao's words are more profound and empathetic. The significance of Sanmao's writing also lies in the wonderful blend of different textures in his works. The kind of human fireworks like the girl next door, and the fantasy story of the faraway, there is a contrast and connection between daily and legendary, and can satisfy people's curiosity about exoticism.
"The one who is heaven and earth, the anti-journey of all things; the one who is time and yin, the guest of hundreds of generations", nevertheless, there must be something to be seen. Change and immutable, decaying and eternal coexist. Some people say that the beauty of the poet never grows old. I would like to say that these women, who are their own poets, dwell in their own words and lines. They have literary and artistic blessings, their hearts are rich, their minds are free, and time cannot defeat them, so they have always been the appearance of young girls, especially the spiritual aspect. Even if the beauty is late, they are still vivid and vivid, with their hands and feet, and they are full of charm. "The night gave me black eyes, but I used them to find the light", they knew the world and were not sophisticated, their eyes were clear, their smiles were sweet, they did not stain the dust, and they always had the true purity and clarity of their nature. They are the children of God's care, and they can freely wave the colored pen in their hands to write down their own inner heat, affection, pain and despair; the sound of the piano is like a complaint, telling the desolation, indifference, light and warmth of this world. In the worldly crowd, they are super temperamental, radiant, and can be a little bit of themselves and a little better than others without saying more...
They are lovers of time.
They are also my lovers. They ignite, illuminate, enlighten, awaken me. Reading them in different time and space, different situations, the harvest is also different. In the long heart trek, my soul broke through the cocoon into a butterfly in silence again and again. Suffering is used to nourish wisdom, and reading is used to see the mind. Life is a surging song, and the waves exhaust the heroes, but also the small pains. Everything will eventually calm down. I saw life shine again with great clarity. It's like being quarantined for a week during the pandemic and then going downstairs again, as if it were a lifetime away. The yard is red and the flowers bloom into the sea. Birds flew around in cheerful tones. Spring, really, is coming.
concentrate:
This article was published in Yanhe, No. 4, 2022
Spirit Map column
The illustrations in this article are from the Internet
!["Road Angel" Liang Yingyan, why let TVB set up a separate award for her[fig]](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAP///wAAACwAAAAAAQABAAACAkQBADs=)