Life, for everyone, is the same, all from scratch. However, when to leave is up to personal luck. If you are born healthy, optimistic and open-minded, and there are no accidents, it is basically the life of a long life.
Those who have left are liberated as soon as their eyes are closed, and what is left to the living relatives is endless pain and thought.
So, to live, not just for yourself, but also for your loved ones who need you to live in their world. Staying with your loved ones for as long as possible and sharing weal and woe is the basic value of life. ----- wait for the flowers to bloom
One night a few days before the Qingming Festival this year, I sat alone on the couch and sat quietly. Looking back on the past, in fact, I never forgot, but I never dared to think about it carefully.
In my heart, Dad has always been an omnipotent person, as long as I have difficulties, he can help me solve or give me guidance. Although he has a very bad temper and is mostly critical and reprimanded for our sisters, this does not prevent us from relying on him.
1
I remember when I was in the first grade of elementary school, the teacher asked the students which parents could find the car for the school spring outing for a day. Without hesitation, I raised my hand. Yes, in my heart, my father is the Almighty God, and there is nothing that cannot be done without Him.
When I got home, I sent a mission to my father. My dad cried and laughed and said I was looking for something for him. Yes, it was the eighties, in our small city, there was no bus, where to find a car that could hold thirty or forty classmates?
My dad loved face and didn't know what to do with it, and finally found a bus. When I got in the car, I was beautiful, not to mention how proud I was. Later, when my father and my uncle mentioned this, they said that I was stupid and that I had caused trouble for adults. Anyway, since then, I've been more convinced that "my dad may be patient."
When I was in elementary school, girls' favorite thing to play was jumping leather bands. At that time, the leather bands were cut out of car tires. Being able to make leather bands with bicycle tires is already very good, and my leather bands are basically cut by car tires.
Car tires are thick and full of elasticity, and they are fun to play, but they are difficult to get, after all, there were even fewer cars at that time. My dad had many friends, one of whom was tinkering with tires, and that's what I got from that friend.
Every time I arrived at recess, like a leader, I took a bundle of beloved leather bands from my bag and proudly walked to the playground, followed by a group of classmates, begging me to take them to play with me, and my vanity was greatly satisfied.
After playing with the leather band for a long time, there are more broken places, and the original smooth and knotless leather band finally becomes full of knots. At this point, it was time for me to ask my dad for a new leather band. But he always forgot, and I always had to remind him many times to get the new leather band.
Children's eyes only have their own needs, who ever thought that my father in order to give me a leather band, will not also take a human touch, set almost?
2
In junior high school, my dad developed my hobby of stamp collecting. He took me to buy stamp books, buy stamps, and look at the patterns and origins of stamps with me.
Later, I thought I could buy my own stamps, so I rode my bike to the post office and bought a few stamps from my grandfather. As a result, I was beaten up by my father. He thought I was too sloppy and easy to be deceived.
And I was in a period of rebellion, and I did not dare to challenge my father's authority, but my face was as full of disobedience as possible. Afterwards, Dad probably felt some impulse, explained to me why he was angry, and took me to buy some new stamps.
Since then, I feel that my father's way of educating me has changed, although he still says one thing and the same, although he is still prone to anger, but sometimes, he will listen to my ideas and give me guidance.
Since then, in addition to being afraid of my father, I have also dared to spoil him when he is in a good mood.
In the third year of junior high school, after school in the afternoon, I had to study in the evening. Before the evening self-study, there are dozens of minutes to eat. My home is far from the school, so I can only buy something to eat at the shop next to the school.
I never had pocket money, and I didn't dare ask my parents for it. When I saw that dad always had money in his pants pocket, I secretly took money from his pants pocket, five dollars today and three dollars tomorrow. But I was afraid of being discovered by him, and every time I stole money, I blamed myself and worried.
One day, my father took the initiative to care about me and asked me if I had any money for dinner in the evening. I shook my head and said no. Dad said that after that, Dad would give you five dollars a day and buy some food for yourself. Hearing my father say this, my heart was warm, a hanging heart was put down, and at that moment, I realized what happiness is.
I'm thankful that Dad didn't expose me, you know, before, he would have been angry and asked me, if I lied, I would inevitably get beaten up. And this time Dad didn't, I think, he's still more worried about my health, right?
My dad also asked me to write an "Application for Joining the Regiment", and he hoped that I could have ideals and goals. With his help, I submitted the application.
In the end, I got my wish and became a member of the Communist Youth League. At that time, everyone who could join the group was a good study, and I was such an obscure middle school student who could enter the group, and I guess he probably also exchanged his ideas with the teacher, right? I never asked him about this, and I couldn't verify it.
When I was in junior high school, there were male classmates who were a little fond of me, and sometimes they would come to my house to play together. Dad never questioned it, never stopped it.
Instead, he seemed welcome. I still don't quite understand, why would he be so relieved that I was dealing with these things? But I know that because of his belief, I have nothing to fear. If he interrogated me and prevented his classmates from coming to my house, it might be a different situation, right?
Now that I think about it, my dad hopes that I can contact more different classmates and lay a foundation for the future to go into the world alone, right?
3
In high school, I went away from home to go to school. At that time, my mother often wrote to me, and the letter contained my father's instructions to me. Sometimes I get letters from my dad. My father treated me as an adult, from a different perspective and height than my mother, pinning his hopes on me and guiding me.
When I came home from vacation, I would also pestered my father about what was happening at school, and my father always listened patiently and corrected my approach. I was always convinced of what Dad said and was happy to do as he said.
Once, when Dad was lying on the bed, I was sitting on the edge of the bed, and I took out a Parker pen and showed it to him that it was a gift from a male classmate. I am vain, and I hope he can understand that having a boy who has a good feeling for me shows that I am a person worthy of being liked.
Dad told me that if I want to return the pen to others, girls must not "eat people with short mouths and soft hands", that will cause big losses. I was ashamed at the moment, and the first thing I did after the school started was to return the pen to the classmate.
Another time, my father and I stood in the hallway of the house, talking face to face, I don't remember what the reason was, my father said to me: "Women must be financially independent, can not be without financial resources, even if they earn less, they must have the ability to earn money." ”
For me as a teenager, I didn't quite understand what financial independence was, much less why. But the reason why I remember the scene so clearly is precisely because his words let me know that in addition to learning, there is also the matter of entering society, and I want to break through the world by my own ability. After that, when I get along with people, I remember not to owe people.
One summer, three of my high school classmates came to my house by train. A few of us girls, led by dad, went to the big river to splash in the water and go to the park to take pictures, and dad worked tirelessly and happily accompanied us.
My mother cooked us meals at home, and in the evening the family and my classmates chatted and ate, and they were happy.
Now, as a mother, I deeply understand how dad hopes that his children can have a good classmate relationship, that his children can be loved by others, and that he hopes to thank his classmates for taking care of me. However, at that time, I did not understand, blindly consuming the good intentions of my parents.
Ever since I was in high school, my dad has looked for opportunities to travel to see me. Every time my father came to see me, he would take me to eat delicious food, and I would take my father's arm and walk down the street intimately, playing with my father.
That year, Oxford pants were popular (similar to today's pencil pants, but not so tight), and I envied my classmates with good family conditions wearing beautiful Oxford pants. My parents were going to study for their three children, and I never dared to expect that I could wear such popular clothes myself.
However, I still tried to ask my father, who did not criticize me for not understanding things and wasting money, but immediately took me to the mall to buy one. Put on the new pants of your dreams and feel warm in your heart.
I think that at that time, the father must have thought in his heart, to meet the needs of his children as much as possible! Since I'm also a mom, I can understand that feeling.
4
In high school and college, I studied abroad. Dad did not trust me, so he asked local friends to visit me at school from time to time, even if this friend is just an ordinary friend, he will catch such a person, and pay a lot of communication costs on friends, turn ordinary friends into old friends, just so that I can ask them to take care of me in the future, just because I am his daughter who cannot be assured.
As I grew up, my father cared more about me than my mother, whether it was physical health or study and life, my father stood at a height that my mother could not compare. Therefore, I am more willing to confide in my father and more willing to follow his advice.
However, this life stopped when I was twenty-one. My father, who had always been regarded as an omnipotent one, failed to overcome the disease and left us after half a year of suffering. Leaving our mother and daughter, from then on in this world, we can only rely on ourselves, learn to grow up strongly, and learn to face difficulties.
In fact, when I was young, my father consciously exercised our sisters' vigor and ability to do things, but my father had high expectations of us, and was very impatient, and extremely strict with us, so we were very lacking in self-confidence.
Dad's change in the way I was educated began when I showed signs of rebellion. Before junior high school, Dad was a stick education, saying one thing and not saying the other, there was no encouragement and appreciation for us, and some were just picky and dissatisfied.
Although I had rebellious moves, I eventually succumbed to the authority of my parents. Since then, though, Dad has tried to treat me like an adult. However, his educational background is still based on strictness and control.
5
After I became a mother, my self-consciousness really awakened, and I had a more objective view of my father who had passed away. Dad is in my house, in my heart, is the heavens, he relies on his own strength to provide us with better living conditions and learning opportunities as much as possible. At the same time, he is also an ordinary person, with the ego that ordinary people have, and he also has the troubles and obsessions that ordinary people have.
In a way, he is not as open-minded and self-regulating as ordinary people. He has a very strong ego and thinks too much about it. If he could really care about his inner feelings and let go of his external pursuits, he wouldn't have made his body so miserable.
However, I know that this is my father, this is my father, he is such a real person: strict and loving to us, making us feel contradictory and dependent; he is evaluating unexpectedly, but he does not pay attention to the true feelings in his heart; he wants a perfect life, but he does not realize that life is always flawed; he always wants to control everything, hopes that everything will work as he wants, in fact, everything is a dream bubble.
The past came to mind, one by one, more and more clearly. I know better what fatherly love is and can better appreciate what my father did back then. Now, apart from the harsh and irritable undertones he left behind, I felt the intense love that lay on top of it.
I had a deep grudge against his approach to education, and would attribute personality traits I didn't like to his rebuke. Now, I find that the rules he has given us are not useless, and many times I benefit from them without knowing it.
6
After visiting the grave this year, my sister and I deliberately walked to another row of tombstones, from one end to the other, counting the lives and deaths of the deceased one by one. What makes us lament is that about one-third of the people who live around eighty years old, the other third of the people who live in their forties and fifties, and the rest have no rules.
I think that it is a hurdle for people to reach middle age. In addition to the responsibilities of the elders and the subordinates, there are many external environments that they have to face, such as competition at work and the pressure of survival. But in the final analysis, there are only four words: not to let go.
Only by letting go of greed and self-grasping and recognizing the impermanence of the world can we live freely and easily! As for fame and fortune, money, success, and face, they are all for others to see, and no worries, no disease, no disasters, and no worries are the most valuable assets.