Author | Lee Ke Mo
Source | Ten O'Clock Reading (ID: duhaoshu)
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Anthony
Have you ever had such an experience?
Sometimes I meet people who disagree with me and have different ideas, and I always want to argue with them to prove my "correctness".
Most of the time, however, the more contentious the opinion, the more unclear the truth.
In the end, no one can convince anyone, and they can only disperse without joy.
Carnegie once said:
The only way to win an argument is to avoid it.
People grow up in different environments, see different scenery, the three views will be very different, and there is no so-called empathy.
People of different levels are difficult to stand on the same front.
So, never argue with people at different levels.
Once upon a time, we longed for recognition and often wanted to convince everyone to align ourselves with ourselves.
It wasn't until I became more and more mature that I suddenly understood that some people were destined to be at different levels, and there was no need to say more.
In the American drama "Friends", there is such a bridge section:
At a dinner party, the archaeologist Ross was surprised to hear from his friend Phoebe that he did not believe in evolution.
He asks Phoebe why she doesn't believe it, and Phoebe says she thinks Darwin's conclusions are simple.
This was hard for Ross to accept, and he immediately recounted a lot of expertise trying to convince Phoebe, saying, "Evolution is not meant to convince you, it's the scientific truth." ”
Phoebe was unmoved and vetoed it.
Rose was not reconciled, and after eating he still followed Phoebe, constantly sighing: "How can you not believe in evolution?" ”
Ross then gave a long speech to argue the correctness of the theory of evolution.
Phoebe ignored it and said impatiently, "Why are you forcing everyone to agree with you?" ”
Ross was dumbfounded, and seeing that verbal persuasion failed, he simply carried a whole box of scientific reports and some fossils more than 200 million years old to confirm.
But Phoebe didn't look at the various kinds of evidence that Ross brought, and always insisted on his own point of view.
In the end, Rose had no choice but to leave.
Ross thought that he could convince Phoebe with his expertise and scientific evidence, but he forgot that he and Phoebe were not at the same level in the field of science.
Phoebe is just a masseuse, doesn't understand science at all, she just wants to believe what she wants to believe.
Therefore, no matter how much Rose said, it was only in vain.
I agree with one sentence:
"People can't actually convince another person, and the result is nothing more than a more intense quarrel."
In the vast sea of people, everyone is immersed in their own inherent view of life, and it is difficult to be broken and reversed by others.
Especially if it is not at the same level, the thinking and cognition are not the same, and how can we talk about a harmonious picture.
Different levels, there is no need to convince each other, and speechlessness is the best answer.
Drink wine with those who know it, and talk to those who understand it.
If people drink water, cold and warm self-knowledge, others can not understand the distant place, quietly arrive.
Arguing with others is never a wise move, but using yourself to play the game of others.
Sometimes, unconsciously, it has unpredictable consequences.
I have seen a news that Xiao Chen, a 24-year-old girl, has a disagreement with her boss because of her work and can't help but argue with her boss.
After the argument, Xiao Chen still felt indignant, and at one point he was so angry that his chest was tight and his heart was flustered.
Until he returned home from work, Xiao Chen did not ease up, and he began to feel nauseous, vomiting, and even weak and difficult to walk.
The family saw the situation and immediately sent Xiao Chen to the hospital.
In the end, the doctor diagnosed that Xiao Chen was emotionally agitated and caused a hyperthyroid crisis and needed to be hospitalized immediately.
Arguing is the most easily consuming body and mind, people seem to be fighting with others, but in fact, it is themselves who are dizzy.
Someone on the Internet asked: "Why do people who love to argue often have a bad life?" ”
Gaozan replied:
"Because arguing is a kind of consumption of oneself, the more you argue, the more you lose."
The speed of the tongue will not only be difficult to win the respect you want, but will breed contradictions and lose your temperament.
A netizen told a cousin's experience, which is quite realistic.
My cousin had just graduated from the Academy of Fine Arts and worked as an art teacher at a training institution, but had been fired less than three months after working.
The reason is that when my cousin teaches, she advocates letting students play freely without deviating from the theme, and she does not interfere too much in the students' creation.
Some parents believe that the cousin is too laissez-faire to the students and begins to question her professional ability.
The cousin cannot tolerate her profession being suspected, but whenever a parent raises a question, she will argue with the parents from an artistic point of view.
After coming and going, although the parents no longer say anything on the surface, they have a deeper opinion of her in their hearts.
Later, several parents simply complained jointly and demanded that their cousins be replaced.
Franklin said:
If you always argue and refute, you may be able to win occasionally, but that is an empty victory, because then you will never get the other party's favor.
Arguing, never really winning the approval of others, will only infinitely reduce their own character.
In the adult world, there is no absolute right and wrong, and it is more difficult to look at problems in the same dimension.
You know, not all fish live in the same sea.
Shallow sea fish do not know the deep sea black, deep sea fish do not understand shallow sea risk.
To compete with others is to forcibly instill one's own views into others, both to embarrass others and to consume oneself.
A person's biggest failure is to win the truth, lose the mood and temperament.
There is a test to play a video of a Venetian dinghy to two students at the same time.
A student has a lively personality, loves music and animation, but does not like words.
The other student, on the contrary, was quiet and introverted, and loved to read books and poetry on weekdays.
The video features boats of different sizes, and colorful text introductions.
After watching the video, the teacher asked them to create a work in any way.
As a result, the lively students drew a painting based on objects, and WenJing's students wrote an introduction-based essay.
This phenomenon is the "selective attention" in psychology:
This means that among the many stimuli outside, people will only pay attention to certain stimuli or aspects of stimuli, and then ignore other stimuli.
The same thing will show a different understanding in the eyes of people with different personalities and preferences.
Even if you are a good friend, it is difficult to always have a consistent point of view.
Bai Xianyong and Chen Wenqian are both well-known writers in Taiwan and have been close friends for many years.
At that time, Bai Xianyong was widely loved with the youth version of "Peony Pavilion", and many people were moved by the love story in it.
However, her friend Chen Wenxi did not think so.
Bai Xianyong was not angry, but understood that in Chen Wenqian's heart, love was unreliable.
Since then, Bai Xianyong has rarely mentioned "Peony Pavilion" in front of Chen Wenqian, let alone asked her for advice.
Bai Xianyong's understanding, Chen Wenqian is grateful, she has publicly stated:
"For that, I am very grateful. He can innovate, I can be stubborn, and no one will convince anyone. ”
Yes, everyone has their own edges and flaws, and no one will be convinced by anyone.
Only by understanding respect can we get along with each other.
Kant has a classic quote:
I respect any independent soul, and while there are some that I do not approve of, I can understand as much as I can.
In the red dust, a thousand people, there are a thousand Hamlets.
Like-mindedness, just chance, different views, is the norm.
Truly mature people do not rush to argue and persuade, but know how to accept differences.
The best way to get along with people is to respect the three views of others.
As Russell said:
"Only when roses and jasmine open together, the world will have jagged and polymorphic beauty."
Zhou Guoping said:
"How a person treats people who hold different views is a better reflection of his level of civilization than what views he holds."
The wise human heart is calm and often more fearless of different voices.
Treat the wrong eye as the east wind over the ear, if there is a heart, listen quietly, and rely on each other.
In the face of difference, the highest level of debate is not discernment.
Life is a process of continuous awakening, and it will be seen through after hitting a wall again and again, and it is already an answer without saying a word.
Respond with no arguments, answer with silence, and time will be notarized.
Everything in the world, as long as you don't care, no one can refute you.
For the rest of your life, don't let the outside world's voices interfere with your dreams, let the controversy come and go in a hurry, you just need to "I am at ease."
Click "Watching", may your heart be open, not afraid of wind and frost, and live your life in peace and ease.
Author | Li Kemo, a western girl with unskempt facial features and a very positive view.
Source | Ten Point Reading (ID: duhaoshu), a national reading number subscribed by more than 30 million people.
Typography | Zheng to the north
Music | remember