Wen | Northern Su
Beisu, a second-level psychological counselor, focuses on marriage and emotions, and carefully creates every emotional column to take you to meet a better self and meet a better emotional relationship.
01
There is a saying in the humanistic school of psychology that "today is the first day of your remaining life", and behind this sentence there are often four layers of hints.
The first point is that you must know how to cherish and cherish the present that belongs to you, put aside the troubles brought by the past, pay attention to the beauty of the present, and enjoy the life of the present.
The second point is that you must know how to take responsibility for your own life, don't indulge in the sadness brought to you by others, you need to be responsible for your life, you need to be responsible for your future life.
The third point is that you have to face up to the situation you are in and your reaction, you know yourself best, you need to encourage yourself to overcome some of your own excuses and reasons, break some of your inner attachments.
The fourth point, there is a sense of growth, from the present there are infinite possibilities in the future, these may not be limited by the past, the present from scratch, you have to make your life better, more capable of making yourself rich and happy.
Before every confusion, before every pain, you should keep these four hints in mind, because you are perfectly capable of doing so and giving yourself a better future.
02
In less satisfied situations, we will always try to do something for ourselves to keep ourselves from grievances or pain.
It's just that in this process, we tend to ignore the four hints mentioned above, confuse the way we love ourselves, and actually do not really improve the situation, nor help ourselves to stay away from pain.
Loving yourself is the original intention, making efforts to love yourself, and finally presenting a good result is the correct way to "love yourself".
How do you make an effort to love yourself?
Start in the present moment and treat every moment of your awakening as the first day of the rest of your life, follow the three principles, and strive to spend it diligently.
First: When you are not satisfied, let go of judging others.
When life encounters unsatisfactory events, we are more or less affected by the events, and we will also think that "we are affected, targeted, and hurt" while being affected.
Then, under the feeling of "passive bearing", the feelings of injustice, the psychology of grievances, and the emotions of resentment will all erupt, so that we think that others are not good enough, that others do not understand themselves, and that they blame others for hurting themselves.
In terms of causality, it is indeed some uncomfortable behavior and attitude of others that causes this harm; but from within us, in uncomfortable and unsatisfactory situations, if our reaction is to complain about the outside, it may amplify our fear in the depths of my subconscious.
Because the behavior and reaction of others and the attitude toward me cannot be controlled by us; uncontrollable means that we cannot change the situation, and if we cannot change, we cannot get rid of suffering.
This feeling of loss of control and dissatisfaction will induce fear in our hearts, which may lead to more confusion and helplessness.
Judging others is not beneficial, learning to look at problems and deal with problems in a growing way, improving ourselves from the negative influence of others, maturing ourselves, and strengthening ourselves, the fear from within will really dissipate, be replaced by the courage born from within, and let us have a greater heart to take the road ahead.
Second: not to retaliate, to let others go is to achieve yourself.
When we are hurt, we will feel that fighting back and letting the other party taste the painful feelings is the best way to cope.
"Retaliation psychology" has become the most common psychological reaction, as if only by making the other party miserable and letting him bear the price that he deserves, the pain we bear can be alleviated.
Perhaps, "bad people" do need to be punished, and indeed they should not be treated well, and indeed they cannot be easily forgiven, but the most important premise is that these will not affect our own state and quality of life.
If the price of revenge is to keep ourselves immersed in pain, if the way to make the other person bear the price is to keep us entangled with "bad feelings and life conditions", such a way of fighting back is not wise nor meaningful.
Revenge is like a double-edged sword, and when we use it to fight back, we will also be hurt.
In the process of revenge, negative feelings are constantly reinforced, and eventually it is easy to convince us that we are unfortunate people, that we will not be happy, that we are bad, and so on.
Without retaliation, from the perspective of causality, we let each other go, from the perspective of our own benefit, we are treating ourselves well, learning to pay attention to our feelings, overcoming some reasons for ourselves, treating ourselves well, we have the opportunity to get rid of negative events and feelings, and turn to feeling and greeting good feelings, and achieve ourselves.
Third: Find what you believe in and try to live as you believe.
In the face of pain, we may often fall into a state of confusion and question our future.
These questions are not concerns that we have come up with out of thin air, but past experiences, and our experiences along the way, showing us the dilemmas and outcomes that we may encounter with practical analysis.
From the past to the present, the past creates the results of the present, and the future seems to be predictable at a glance, of course, it is not satisfactory, and it is also the appearance of the gap with our hearts.
If we think this logic is reasonable, we may live in uneasiness and hesitation for a long time, until the future shows that it is not the same as we originally thought, and we will slowly let down our guard and dare to pursue the life we want.
The key question is whether this logic makes sense? Past experiences have created a situation that may not be good in the present, and it is difficult to deduce from the present that it is difficult to have good results in the future?
Different times, different spaces, different attitudes, different inner thoughts and feelings, many, many different, do not guarantee that past experience has enough reference significance.
In addition, as mentioned at the beginning of the article, every day in the present is the first day of future life, a day that is completely different from the past, and the beginning that can give us different life trajectories.
What we need to do is to let go of past experiences, truly take responsibility for our own lives, accept the starting point from scratch, and then find a positive direction that we believe in, and believe in it and work hard for it.
In the end, the future must use reality to prove that our choice is right: what we believe in, we can live as it is.
North Soviet summary: The first three points correspond to the growth of the self, the overcoming of the self, and the responsibility of the self; in the attitude of life that integrates these three points, we also need to know how to cherish the present, so that our attitude towards life is mature, positive, strong, and positive, and it is also necessary to be able to let ourselves know the good results.
And when we learn to be responsible for our own feelings and life, know how to overcome some obsessions for our own good, know how to grow in painful situations, and know how to cherish everyone we have, love ourselves, and make efforts and changes that are beneficial to us, our situation will change, our state of mind will change, our own state will change, and the trajectory of life will change.
We can make ourselves better and better through our own transformation, and our lives are getting better and better as we wish, and only then are we truly loving ourselves, we are truly doing our own good, and we are also the most beautiful counterattack against our dissatisfaction with injustice.
So, no matter what your current situation is, remember to start in the present moment and truly love yourself for your own good and true love.