From the realization of the decision to associate, how do you judge whether a person is worth going on?
Pet Hero Legend
Create Date: 2022-03-2120:13
Vitality creators, pet field creators, vitality creators
concern
From the realization of the decision to associate, how do you judge whether a person is worth going on?
This question, boys and girls may be a little different...
Most people should start from the appearance, decide whether to know each other, and as time passes, they will slowly understand each other's personality and family background.
After two or three years of dating, even when it comes to marriage, I suddenly find that the values of both sides are really too different, and finally choose to separate...
After repeating it two or three times, the old age does not say, repeatedly have to go through the healing of wounds again and again, think of going through a long series of processes, groping each other, lamenting how they always find the wrong person? It's probably because of you that you missed this thing!
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Okay, let's get started.
A while ago, in the very popular "Single is Hell", every handsome man and woman is the level of the forced death, so that the audience can see the attraction and chemical changes between each man and woman.
In reality, everyone can't be a "high-grade" face value, but it seems to us
first
When looking for a partner, I also tend to look at the appearance of the other party first, whether I can make myself feel moved.
In addition to appearance, from ancient times to the present, finding objects is nothing more than digitalization and conditioning.
Beautiful career and income, perfect family background, these so-called high-quality conditions, in fact, can not fully represent a person, but will make you feel good about him.
I heard a saying before that there are layers of mate selection conditions.
Looking down from above, the upper two layers are the appearance and background just mentioned, which belong to external conditions.
The downward comparison goes into a person's inner circle, which includes personality," character, and the lowest values.
The further down you go, the more time, time, time, and even run-in will be needed to know what a person really looks like.
Although each layer has its importance when looking for an object, whether it can go on for a long time, the more the conditions at the bottom have a greater impact, and the higher the similarity, the proportion of conflicts will also decrease.
Most people are accustomed to putting each other on a platform and materializing each other to see if they can be exchanged equally.
Then it is possible to understand the personality, conversation, connotation of the other party...
That is to say, let your mate selection conditions first stay in the upper two or three layers, or just in the background of the appearance directly overturned the ship.
Invested time and feelings, thinking that as long as two people have love, keep the heat of love can go to the end, did not expect that in the end because of personality incompatibility, poor ideas, can not tolerate some of each other's characteristics, values do not agree, or different expectations of the future reasons, and overturned!
In my own experience, here are two underlying conditions that are really worth taking the time to evaluate:
1. Maturity
If the person you're in love with is physically attractive to you and has a high income. But you find that when he faces setbacks, he always angers the people around him, or no matter what kind of quarrel you have, he asks you to apologize first, which is definitely not a mature performance.
A healthy relationship doesn't mean you won't encounter problems, but if the other person is mature enough, you don't have to be afraid of conflict, because both parties are more rational
target
Face it together.
2. Values/Philosophy
After marriage, I learned how painful it is for people with different values to be together, because values come from what they believe, and if two people don't have a common understanding, like buying a house? Do you have children or not? When a work-first husband meets a family-first wife, the biggest dispute usually breaks out is: Why are you always working?! Can you spend more time at home?!
Repeating this sentence five more times is a family revolution! Believe me!
In short, if you want to find the right partner for you, compared to the external conditions, the deep internal conditions are the focus of maintaining feelings.
Then you must want to ask: deep internal conditions, need a "certain degree of relationship" and "long time together" to know, where is so simple?
It is true that people are very complex, and the deeper the beliefs or values, the less they can be obtained, but fortunately, this complex and difficult issue of love and marriage management is also of great interest to psychologists and scientists.
Over the past hundred years, a large number of credible intimate relationship studies have been completed around the world, and remarkable results have been achieved in psychological counseling.
Psychological research has really verified whether two people can be happy
Being together for a long time has a lot to do with the type of attachment they have, family background, values, the way conflicts respond, attitudes towards the upbringing of their children, and so on.
And in general, the higher the similarity of these key factors, the smaller the chance of conflict between two people, which is why it is easier to find the right person with psychological help.
However, even if the psychologist has found these key factors, you can't find the process of finding the object, one by one to test the other party, because if you want to explore the other party's hidden thoughts, you still need to take some time to build a relationship of trust and get along for a long time!
Therefore, with effective tools, the difficulty of this task will be greatly reduced, so what psychological tools are worth trying?
Recently there is a book: "Enneagram Personality", there are many professional tests on it, let's try it!
Unlike most test books, it's simply stacked up for you.
In Enneagram, you have to start from scratch, through various interactions, slowly and laboriously piece together the inner appearance of the other party.
The biggest feature of "Enneagram" is to sort out the psychological research of countries around the world, screen out the most important intimate relationship factors for single friends, and develop them into psychological tests.
Simply filling out the test will build a deep inner contour of your individual, help you weed out 95% of the unsuitable candidates, and spend your time on a small group of people who are more suitable.
Finally, I wish everyone can find the right other half, starting from the core, finding someone with similar values to you, and it should not be too far from happiness!
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What are you waiting for? Let's do the psychology test first, true love will not run out of the screen!