Interpretation of emotional topics, taking you into more positive emotional worlds! I am your emotional relief, but you have to know how to let yourself go!
Text | The wind stops at night
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The more open the marriage is, the more variety of betrayals there are. Even sitting face to face, you don't know who is "true" with whom and who is "fake" with whom.
Being a man before and a ghost after a person is what the betrayer is best at.
Among many people who have experienced betrayal, a small number of people will simply, neatly and timely stop losses no matter what, and more people will inevitably choose to forgive the betrayer for various reasons.
However, among those who forgive the betrayer, we find that some of them have the following endings:
1: In self-torture, become a "sick" person. Because, in the face of the betrayer, he can never forget the shame and pain of being hurt.
2: It is impossible to achieve true trust, in some and no wind and grass, nerves are tense, after all, it is not in a repaired relationship, to get real solidity.
3: After forgiving the betrayer, it wasn't long before the two men completely parted ways! In the eyes of this type of person who has experienced betrayal, after being betrayed, he has done his best and still cannot do "will". Instead of two people suffering, it is better to let go of each other's best.
4: A very small number of people, after repairing the relationship, are still quite comfortable.
Leaving aside a very small number of marital relationships that can achieve a harmonious life after forgiving betrayers, the first 3 endings mentioned above are all suffering from life and death. Letting go is not willing, not letting go is painful.
The evil of betrayal has long since gone beyond the words to describe. People who have suffered from betrayal, if they can really stop the loss in time to stay away from the betrayer, the period of recovery will not be too long.
However, the reason why those who choose to forgive the betrayer fail to get the real and ideal satisfaction after "forgiveness" is because they have made two wrong cognitions:
1: Failed to recognize why I saved myself
Experiencing betrayal, the real cause of redemption, children and old people, are all excuses. In fact, it is a certain obsession in my heart. It's just that I don't want to admit such a fact, and I put the child or the elderly on the "inseparable" lobby.
And in these "reasonable" excuses, although it is clear that they no longer pay attention to the betrayer and only have this relationship, they will still be dissatisfied with the relationship. So complaining and hating more and more.
In fact, the person who really realizes what he has saved for will focus on the real position, not on the betrayer.
If you really have to choose to be married for the sake of the elderly and children, then you will certainly not be touched by some words and deeds of the betrayer.
2: Think you really can't put down and still love
In fact, the vast majority of people, for the separation of various broken relationships, if they have the initiative, they will not have too much obsession.
However, when you are hurt in a relationship, there are still signs of passive separation or have been passively separated. Well, ta must have instinctively chosen to cling to it.
Some people may not understand their own behavior, thinking that they are still deeply in love and not used to the existence of no one, which is actually a kind of reflexive "self-protection". This reaction is normal, as long as you are willing to recognize that this reaction has nothing to do with love, you will let go and quickly heal yourself.
In fact, after learning of the betrayal, all the emotions in your heart are not reactions of love, but the unwillingness and grievances you feel for your own efforts.
After experiencing betrayal, whether or not to "forgive" is a question that deserves a lot of careful study.
If you are mentally independent and financially independent, you will not have to be confused by such a question. However, there are not many people who are truly spiritually independent and economically independent.
In this moment when everyone can support themselves, people often occupy a larger proportion of people who are mentally unable to be independent. This is the main reason for experiencing betrayal and racking your brains to forgive the betrayer!
Just facing betrayal, it is really not easy to "truly" forgive the betrayer! Believe it or not:
Forgiveness is never an easy task. A person who maliciously hurts himself and touches the final bottom line of the marriage relationship, in the face of such a phenomenon, there are very few people who really forgive.
However, in order to continue the marriage relationship you want, regardless of the reason, it is essential to forgive such behavior. Because, this is the first step in the repair of the relationship between marriage and love.
Choosing to forgive and choosing to accept the evil deeds of the betrayer go hand in hand, and it is indispensable!
Before you can act of forgiveness and acceptance, you must admit that you are a person who faces betrayal and cannot forgive with one heart and one mouth!
Because, you really can't "do it" at all!
When you recognize your own actual psychology, you will have better preparation and response to the problems that may occur in the next relationship.
And, you don't hate yourself and hate yourself can't forgive from the heart, this is a very normal emotion, you have to understand yourself!
Therefore, in the face of betrayal next, you must do these things well before choosing to forgive! Talent is good for the repair of marital relationships:
First thing: make your forgiveness valuable
You know, all the "valuable" things in the world, if you want to get them, you must meet the conditions to get them.
Some people who have experienced betrayal, when they choose to forgive the betrayer, completely look like "as long as you come back, you can do anything", resulting in yourself, regardless of whether the marriage relationship is repaired or not, they have fallen into a more passive and hurtful point!
Some betrayers, they do not sincerely admit their mistakes. No matter how hysterical and routines are exhausted by the people in front of you, they are all a "wrong is you" attitude.
In the face of such a betrayer, if you choose to forgive, you must bear the consequences of continuing to betray. If you don't let go, it will be painful!
There are also betrayers who want to return, but will not say anything about their betrayal.
In the face of such a betrayer, you must show your bottom line. Sincerely admit your inadequacies in marriage, but definitely don't let the betrayer think that you are humble pandering for the sake of redemption.
You have to tell the betrayer:
I am using a sincere attitude to save the relationship, and we must all be prepared to run a marriage and love affair without being absent in the future. I also have certain shortcomings in this relationship, but that is not a reason for you to betray me.
For the flawless phenomenon in your marital relationship, when the betrayer returns, you must not be too condescending. Otherwise, your "forgiveness" will make the betrayer panic to escape.
In short, no matter what, you must not make your forgiveness cheap! Although you don't expect the betrayer to be grateful, be sure to let him know that this is your generosity and tolerance, but definitely not connivance.
In particular, if your forgiveness is the loss of self and humble desire, then your forgiveness has no value at all, and it will only make the betrayer despise all your good intentions even more!
In the face of those who do not want to return, let them fly freely.
In the face of those who want to truly return, it is necessary to set up a bottom line and three chapters of the law. You save and repair relationships, but that doesn't mean you're a lowliness!
The second thing: forgiveness, must be "formally" staged
Some people who have experienced betrayal have never presented their forgiveness to the betrayer in a "formal" manner.
The betrayer returned, ta welcome. The betrayer left again, and he was secretly hurting himself. Even repeatedly asked himself:
Why? Why do I forgive him, but he still doesn't know how to be grateful and cherish this relationship?
If you are like this, then I tell you: in fact, it is you who have made forgiveness invisible and used all your words and deeds to make the betrayer more arrogant!
The ambiguous forgiveness, the message to the betrayer is "You acquiesced to my actions, I can come and go as I please..."
In this way, on the basis of being betrayed, you have become a person who is more unscrupulously hurt by the betrayer, and you say that your forgiveness is a bit "superfluous"?
Forgive this, very solemn! It has to be official!
That is to say, your forgiveness needs to be produced in the form of a formal negotiation, and there must be untouchable "rules" for future relationships.
In particular, the betrayer himself should have a deep understanding that his actions have hurt you (at this time, you must control your hurt emotions).
The forgiveness of formal negotiations is to effectively avoid unnecessary contradictions and quarrels when getting along in the future, and even more to avoid the betrayer from easily repeating the old mistakes in the future. Most importantly, formal forgiveness is to better protect your various interests!
Either there are witnesses present at others, or they sign a letter of commitment with each other. Don't underestimate these "forms", the staying power effect is really beneficial!
When you formally stage your forgiveness, remember that all the agreements between you cannot be changed!
And, you have to make the betrayer understand that your forgiveness is only this once! In the event of a repeat offense, it will be carried out in full accordance with all the rules of formal forgiveness!
Although, when the real relationship breaks down, the agreement is not counted! However, once the marriage continues, all your agreements are in your favor!
Forgiveness is a very solemn thing! Don't mess this up because of your own inappropriate words and behavior! If, you really want to save the relationship!
Forgiveness is not to be hurt again, but to satisfy the purpose of repairing the relationship between the heart due to some kind of trade-off!
Forgiveness is not charity, not humility, not the mercy of anyone! You are fine, and there is no need for anyone to pity you, so you must understand that your purpose is to repair the relationship, not to be a poor worm and a king in this relationship.
Forgiveness is an ability, and it is an instinct to protect yourself.
Only when you make good use of your abilities and instincts can you make forgiveness valuable and marriage repair meaningful in the face of betrayers.
However, when you choose to forgive, you must distinguish whether the betrayer is truly returning, otherwise all your forgiveness behaviors are useless!
—End—
Love is man's purgatory in the world. Love or friendship, the right time meets the right person to cultivate the right results!
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