1. When buying vegetables, I see that an old couple is old, so I buy more. The old woman was very happy: I planted the vegetables, no pesticides. Girl, you are so generous and beautiful... Just after leaving, I listened to the old man say: Old lady, we do business, we must talk about integrity, can not deceive people... Mother-in-law: I didn't lie to anyone, we really didn't use pesticides! Uncle: No deception? That girl is so ugly, why is she still beautiful?
2. My dad called and asked me to pick up my son quickly, and I said, what's wrong with this kid? My father hummed angrily and said: Your mother has been rheumatized for two days, she can't walk, every time she carries me out to bask in the sun, your son says grandpa cheers every time, and also plays music for me. I said, "Isn't that sensible?" My dad: Sensible fart, my dad is angry, every time he puts the pig eight precepts back to the daughter-in-law.
3. The doctor let me lose weight, said too fat is easy to three high, let me only eat some vegetarian food and fruit every day. After a few days of persistence, I actually broke my hand and stitched it twice. Now I can't do anything, every day my mother-in-law makes a big table of delicious food, and when it comes to the meal, I can just call me to eat. Last night I wanted to go out for a walk because I was too full to eat, who knew that when I stepped on the empty foot when I went down the stairs, the injured hand did not grasp the railing, and I rolled down like a ball. Now that I'm fine, my foot hurts, and I can't walk. You can only lie in bed every day. When it came time to eat, the mother-in-law brought the meal over like a pig, and kept saying: Eat more meat, so that the body can be good and fast.
4. The year is approaching, and there are many people who are married. A distant cousin who didn't know him well called and said that the number of marriage groomsmen was not enough, and asked me to make a cameo appearance. Is this a request from a man? Invite me to dinner and let me have a yellow flower girl to be a groomsman?! There will be brave men under the heavy reward, I went, all day long the mother's family did not have anyone to find the flaw, and even two little girls want to add me WeChat.
5. There is a woman in our company who looks average but is very narcissistic and has always called herself a goddess. Today the company's work is not much, very early busy, everyone sits in the office and chats. So she began to narcissistically say that her suitors lined up in a community 5 kilometers away from the factory gate, and she was very depressed. At this time, the colleague next to him made up a knife and said, "Can you tell me who the last person is?" Ask him to bring me a fried noodle. ”
6. A month ago to tidy up the wardrobe, I found a paper box hidden in the clothes pile, opened it, flat placed a thick stack of red tickets, it turned out to be the place where the wife hid money. I took the top one, and after feeling that my wife didn't find it, I took a flower every three to five years. Last night, I took advantage of the gap in my wife's toilet, opened the closet again, and quickly took a plug in my pocket... When I came to the commissary, I bought cigarettes, wine, peanuts, and the lady took the money and took a picture under the light, and suddenly she laughed "poof", she handed the money back to me and said, "You see for yourself." I took the money in doubt and looked at it, only to see two lines written in pencil on it: When you get this one, it means that you have taken five, quickly put it back, and return the previous one!
7. In the evening, just after I got home from work, my wife asked me: "Husband, have you hidden money?" I smiled and said, "Wife, you don't know yet, the money is all managed by you, usually my living expenses are all given by you, and it is only enough to eat. Then my wife took a 50's and crossed it on me, then put the money on the nose of my golden retriever, then patted the back of the golden retriever and said, "Go, find it all for me." "After watching my wife's operation, I was scared out of a cold sweat!
8. The first time I led my girlfriend home, my mother was a little dissatisfied with my daughter-in-law, but I didn't say anything. At noon, my mother fried a few hard dishes, and my daughter-in-law ate very happily, and after eating two bowls, she took up the bowl, and my mother said: The bowl does not need to be cleaned, just put it on the table, and then I will clean it up together. The daughter-in-law looked at her mother: No, auntie, your stir-fried dish is so delicious, I want to add a bowl. Later, my mother approved of our marriage, saying that such a woman was not pretentious and suitable to be a daughter-in-law.