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Freud: "People fall in love with people who are similar to them, or the kind of people they once were, or the people they want to be." ”
This subtle psychology is often not perceived, but it affects our lives. Everyone can think about it, are you in love with someone just because of the feelings? Is it just because there is a common topic?
Feelings and common topics are just representations, and the deep cause lies in the psychology. Not only do the opposite sexes follow those psychologies, but the same-sex relationship also follows those psychologies.
The following mother-in-law's summary of the understanding is the understanding of the above psychology, let's take a look at it together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I'm 60 years old, I live with my daughter-in-law and I have to look at her every day, but I'm happy.
Many people think I'm crazy, but I'm not crazy, I just found the trick to get along with my daughter-in-law.
I am also a woman, along the way, I have also been a daughter-in-law, although I dare not say that I have experienced everything my daughter-in-law has experienced, but I can observe a lot of problems, I have experienced.
For example, she has a bad temper and is cloudy. If I don't understand her, and think that she has a bad temper and is not a good daughter-in-law, it will be too misunderstood.
She was just straight-talking, and unhappiness was directly on her face. Because I have also had such a stage, I know that she has no malice. Moreover, this can show that she is a simple person and has no intentions. If she's moody, I don't know when I'm offending her.
After understanding this, I was relieved. I'm not a child anymore, I don't have to cry and make trouble because others lose their temper with me, I have the ability to block out that part of the noisy sound and concentrate on enjoying my old age.
My daughter didn't understand what was going on, and once when she came to the house, she happened to run into her sister-in-law who threw a tantrum at me. She guarded her mother's heart and directly guarded things for me: "Your sister-in-law does not welcome you, come home with me!" ”
My attitude is very critical, but whenever I say the wrong word, but when I leave with my daughter, I and my daughter-in-law's beam will really be married. I still want to rely on her to provide for the elderly, my daughter is only a temporary nurse, in fact, she can not afford to give me a pension, so I can only express my attitude, tell my daughter: "If you want to go, I will not leave!" ”
I did not immediately explain the reason, because I knew that my daughter could not understand for a while, and the more explanations there were, the more contradictions there were, and it was better to calm down the matter at hand.
Afterwards I told her: "Your sister-in-law has no malice, and you should not be dissatisfied with her." She was just outspoken and her emotions came out of control. You should know her better than I do, you think, if your mother-in-law does something that makes you unhappy, you are emotional, can you bear not to lose your temper? At this time, the tantrum is just a catharsis of emotions, just expressing dissatisfaction, and there is no malice. If the speaker has no intention and the listener intends, it will cause misunderstanding. If there is one less thing, why should there be more? ”
I personally feel that the mother-in-law relationship is not difficult to manage, as long as both parties are not bad people, only one of them needs to lower the posture. As for who should lower their posture, it depends on who has higher consciousness. For example, my daughter-in-law may not have realized this, so I have to play the person who lowers the posture. There is no loss or loss, my daughter-in-law, there is no need to worry so much, what do you think?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
People get along with each other, which is a process of mutual fit.
No matter what kind of interpersonal relationship, if you think about it, you need to put it together like two incomplete puzzles, and only in this way can they be put together and firmly linked together.
No one is perfect, no one is a complete piece of the puzzle, all have defects, all have needs. Your imperfections and needs, where others have; other people's imperfections and needs, you have here, as long as both sides are willing to be together, they can be together.
With this line of thought, to reflect on the mother-in-law, the mother-in-law can understand and tolerate the temper of the daughter-in-law, indicating that the shortcomings of the daughter-in-law can be made up for by the mother-in-law; on the other hand, the mother-in-law wants to enjoy the old age in peace, the daughter is unreliable, and the daughter-in-law can be relied upon, indicating that her needs have been made up for by the daughter-in-law.
The mother-in-law was quite right, as long as the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not bad people, as long as they are not malicious, they can definitely manage each other's relationship well.
This is a question that every mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should think about, and if you figure it out first, your consciousness will be higher than the other person's, so that you can play the person who takes the lead in lowering the posture. When you give the other party enough understanding and tolerance, what you need will definitely be available to the other party.