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I've heard the saying, "Base your sense of security on someone else, and they can knock you down at any time." ”
This is the consequence of relying on others, whether you trust a person too much or rely too much on a person, he disappoints you, you will be knocked down; he tortures you with your trust, and you will be knocked down even more.
I once had such an experience in the workplace, trusting the boss too much, and the result was used as a tool, and I was thrown away when I ran out; I trusted my colleagues too much, and the result was treated as a pawn, and when there was a good thing, he took care of it, and if there was a disaster, he pushed it to me.
There is no shortage of such problems in the emotional world, a woman trusts a man too much, believes that he can stand with herself at any time, but the result is the opposite of what she wants, and she is disappointed.
The following woman's experience can illustrate the above problem, let's take a look at it together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I would like to ask, men do not know how to protect their wives, what is the point of marrying a wife?
Are all men two-faced, with two faces before and after marriage, two faces towards their wives and their in-laws?
I married him because I trusted him and believed he would give me a sense of security. However, a series of events after marriage ruined the trust I had built up little by little.
That day, the sister-in-law suddenly said that she was going to come to our house and take her child with her. Because we hadn't had any unpleasant troubles before, I was defenseless and felt that it would be good to take this opportunity to get closer. But what happened next didn't exactly meet my expectations.
He deliberately ignored me in front of his sister and let me go out grocery shopping. I didn't think much of it, thinking that it would be more appropriate for him to stay at home as a companion, after all, he and his sister were not very acquainted.
However, when I returned, I found it all over the place. When I saw my powder lying on the floor of the living room, I suddenly felt bad and hurried to the room, the picture in the room made me unforgettable, my cosmetics were not spared, all destroyed.
What made me even more angry was that the little sister-in-law's child saw me and ignored me, taking care of himself and taking my lipstick and scribbling on the wall.
Were the two of them blind? Why didn't anyone stop it? Why isn't there a single person in charge of the kids, and no one is apologizing to me? Should my stuff be treated like a toy?
I directly settled the account in a huff and wanted my sister-in-law to compensate according to the price.
Her reaction drove me crazy, saying that I was stingy, saying that I should not take cosmetics more important than her son, saying that I was spoiled by her brother, saying that my cosmetics were not worth a few dollars, and insulting me by the way, saying that I only deserved some cheap cosmetics.
I asked her to take her son and hurry up, and her family did not welcome her, but she turned around and said that it was me who should roll: "Don't open your mouth and shut your mouth, what is yours in this family?" The house was bought by our family, the house book has my brother's name, this is my brother's family, not your home, you are just an outsider, a sojourner, it is ridiculous to let me roll! ”
The husband I have always trusted, initially pretended to be deaf and dumb, and when I asked him for help, he did not protect me, but reversed the operation, saying that I did not understand things, saying that I made a fuss: "You should not let my sister roll under any circumstances, you export hurt people, and it is also your fault when it comes to the sky!" ”
Seeing that the two of us quarreled, the sister-in-law left without saying hello and taking the child. I thought you'd just have to take care of our problems as a couple, but it wasn't as simple as I thought.
After my sister-in-law left, I quarreled with him and seemed to win the quarrel, but in fact, it was not, he was just indifferent and did not say anything, perfunctory: "What you say is what it is!" Am I wrong? ”
And after the sister-in-law filed a complaint in front of her mother-in-law, when the mother-in-law came to Xingshi to ask about the crime, he once again reversed the operation, and when he protected his family, he was very enthusiastic, and how indifferent it was to come to me.
What happened to me at my in-laws' house alarmed my mother-in-law's family, and they ran to say peace and take me home. I said I wanted a divorce, they didn't agree, they said they didn't know each other, it wasn't a bad thing to argue with my in-laws, and it wouldn't be so difficult to get along after the run-in.
I temporarily compromised, thinking that everything would be fine, but it turned out to be even more disappointing.
After I returned from my mother's house, it seemed to my in-laws to be a gesture of surrender, they thought they had won, of course, it was impossible to give me a good look. And the more he did this, the more indifferent he became, until he crushed me.
Don't people say that the daughter-in-law is married to hurt? Why did it fail here?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
No one's marriage is flawless, more or less problematic. Small problems are innocuous, but if the problem is too big, too much, and lasts too long, it is enough to be fatal.
The marriage problem of the woman above is not a small problem, because the husband and wife are a whole, from the day of marriage, each other shoulders the obligation to protect each other, which party does not know how to protect each other, is a dereliction of duty.
It was clear that her husband was not a competent husband and that he had two obvious problems with him.
First of all, he valued his family more than his wife, which was wrong. His wife depended on him, trusted him, did not feel sorry for him, he had no reason not to guard her, his family made his wife unhappy, he had an obligation to protect his wife, otherwise he would inevitably disappoint his wife.
Secondly, whether it is his indifference or machismo, it is a manifestation of not paying attention to marriage. It can be said that he never thought about the meaning of marriage, never had the concept of "forming a family should be maintained", only cared about wanton behavior, but forgot that marriage he also had a part, and in the end it was equivalent to destroying a family.
These two reasons are enough to answer the last question the woman said, you entrust the non-human, of course, to the inhuman treatment. If you pin your security on the wrong person, of course, there will be no good results.
In this case, if the other party does not change, you need to make changes. Since compromise doesn't work, break free, leave, and find the right person again. Remember, by not placing your security entirely on someone else, you can more accurately judge whether you are encountering someone who is not human.