When pregnant, the most feared is that the baby in the stomach is unhealthy, and the most painful thing is to have to lose the baby!
Today's protagonists of the story have experienced it, from full of anticipation to sudden loss. She told us about her experience of being forced to terminate her pregnancy, and she also told us about the process of coming out of the trauma of losing a child, so that we could learn to reconcile with the sadness in life.
This article is from the Lilac Mom APP Planet @two two rice powder
My story has passed a long time ago, and it seems to have happened yesterday, and everything is so clear and so vague.
I have always felt that I was lucky to meet the right person at the right time, marry love, and soon have the first crystallization of love.
When I thought that life was like the ending of all fairy tales, and the male and female protagonists lived happily together, reality gave me the cruelest test.
The choice is no exception
I think every mom has heard about thalassemia to a greater or lesser extent. My Guangxi is a high-incidence area of thalassemia, and when Mr. Wu and I were getting married, I went to genetic testing.
After getting the results, my mother asked me, "Do you want to think about breaking up?"
My husband and I measured that it was a mild poor carrier, which had a 75% chance of being passed on to our baby, and a 25% chance of inheriting severe poverty to α. Severely impoverished fetuses may develop edema, miscarriage, or direct stillbirth in the third trimester.
Image source: https://www.nhsggc.org.uk
But I didn't think about it and replied that I didn't consider it, at that age, I felt that the power of true love seemed to be able to overcome everything, and Honey confidently believed that I was far away from the 25% probability, because 75 and 25, no matter how you look at it, the winning side is relatively large.
Looking at my mother's expression of wanting to talk and stopping, I said coquettishly, "It's all right, let's try it first, are we so unlucky?" No, it won't!"
Mom was an obstetric nurse, and for professional reasons she had seen too many people with similar experiences. She didn't dare to tell me that 25% is small, but hitting it is 100% unsolvable.
Image source: Courtesy of the author
A pregnancy full of anticipation
Rushing to love, I married Mr. Wu and I became pregnant 3 months later. In order to commemorate my secret early love with Mr. Wu in the third year of junior high school, we gave the baby a nickname: junior high school.
It feels amazing to be pregnant and I spend every day looking forward to it.
In order to grow up healthily for the baby, I began to eat and sleep regularly, talk to the baby every day across the belly, cheer up the baby, hope that he can be born healthy, and always imagine that he puts on this little dress, wears this little hat, and looks cute and loving.
Image source: Stand Cool Helo
Mr. Wu said that when the baby is born, he must stay by my side all the time, because he is afraid that the baby will be dropped in the hospital, and I think he must have watched too many TV dramas.
Every time a friend cares about my pregnancy, I'm proud because the baby in my belly is an angel! He was very sensible, very distressed, and I didn't even have a little vomiting and stomach-whining early pregnancy reaction.
I have a good appetite and I think the baby must be very healthy in the belly.
Mr. Wu and I look forward to the arrival of the baby, and we began to learn a variety of parenting knowledge and imagine the future life of a family of three:
"If you want to take your baby to Harbin to see ice sculptures, the whole family will go out to travel once a year" and other beautiful blueprints.
I really hope that the baby can meet us smoothly, and hear him call him "Mom and Dad" crisply.
Terrible nightmare
At 12 weeks of pregnancy, we went to the hospital for an ultrasound NT, the legendary small diastele , which measures the thickness of the transparent layer at the back of the fetus's neck by ultrasound to see if the fetus is at risk of chromosomal abnormalities.
Lying on the examination bed that day, I felt very uneasy in my heart, and the cold probe slid more and more intensely on the belly; I wanted to hide, not wanting it to touch the baby in my belly.
At the same time, the baby's reaction is also like this, he seems to be unwilling, very uncooperative, no matter how the doctor changes position, it is impossible to detect, tossed for nearly a morning, and finally measured.
The examining doctor joked, "Your little ancestor is really leather, go outside and wait for the result!"
Then I heard the doctor say, "It's a bit too much, don't do a villous puncture first to see the results!"
My husband and I were momentarily stunned.
Then we went for a villous puncture. Villous puncture is to determine whether the gene is normal by drawing the villous tissue around the baby.
There are many people who do fluff punctures, piercings and what sounds a little scary, Mr. Wu and I are very nervous; it is not easy for my turn, I said to the baby over and over again in my heart, don't be afraid, just go down.
But when I saw the slender needle, I was inexplicably afraid, felt a tight stomach, and stared intently at the baby in the B ultrasound image, when the slender needle was inserted, at that moment, my uneasiness reached its peak.
After the puncture, I rested outside the clinic for a full hour before slowly getting up and going home. Mr. Wu took good care of me meticulously, made a lot of delicious food, helped me put on the tire protection sticker, and urged me to take medicine as before.
On the night of the puncture, I had a nightmare in which the doctor told me, "The baby is severely poor and can't ask for it."
After waking up, I cried and couldn't help myself, feeling that it was a harbinger of the baby and my farewell, Mr. Wu kept comforting that the dreams were all reversed, and the baby would be very healthy.
The result of the puncture will be known after about 12 days, and the heart is anxious during these 12 days, but before getting the result, I always feel that everything is still full of hope.
Brutal loss
On February 21, 2019, the hospital called to declare that the nightmare had come true – the baby was severely impoverished.
This moment hated his sixth sense incomparably, and all his mental preparations completely collapsed at this moment. Those flukes, those self-confidences, those fearless, at this moment mixed with tears, shattered into slag.
The soul seemed to be pulled out at once, and the brain was restarted after a brief crash. And the mother's instinct makes me dare not even cry out loud, afraid that the intense emotions will stimulate the baby in the belly, and do not want him to experience sadness before he reaches the world.
Then he called mr. Wu and told him that on the other end of the phone, there was silence for a long time, and he was also crying.
Have you noticed that no matter how much mental preparation was made, his departure was so unexpected.
The next day, accompanied by my mother, I went to the hospital, and the doctor advised: "Even if I continue to be pregnant, he will still be stillborn, and at that time, the damage to the body will be even greater." Yes, I understand the reason, but the four words of terminating pregnancy weigh like a thousand pounds on my heart.
On February 22, 2019, holding the pills in my hand, I gently said to my baby, "Goodbye baby, Mom loves you."
What is the tragedy? Tragedy is the destruction of good things for people to see.
Can't stop thinking
I thought that in the face of the departure of my loved ones, it would be like a TV series: "You hold his hand, listen to him say his last words, and slowly close your eyes." 」
Most people leave by opening their eyes, eating, taking a shower, or answering a phone call.
Briefly, you hang up the phone at a loss, and the sadness begins to slowly pour in.