Pay attention to Feng Xiaoyi and meet the best of yourself
《Preface」
Some people are their own past lives and this life; some people are their own doom.
None of us have to feel sorry for anyone, the one who should come will come, and the missed ones will not be retained.
If a person is destined to experience some pain to grow up, then let me finish this dream!
When I look back on this, I also say to myself that I have not failed to live up to love after all.
「01」
In the autumn of 2014, when I was leading the group to Lijiang, I met Lin Weiran in a small bar in the ancient town, when he sang Xu Wei's song on the stage, without imitation, and his expression had a natural sense of decline and loneliness.
Many years later, I think back to that scene, and I still feel very beautiful, like Zhang Ailing's woman, who saw a person under the peach blossom tree, became the best memory in life.
I invited him to drink, drunk, and when I woke up in bed in the hotel the next day, I had disappeared from him, leaving only a note with scrawled handwriting: I took 800 yuan from your wallet, I have added WeChat, and he will return it every day.
I rubbed my temples and felt that this sexual encounter was the same as my 25-and-a-half-year-old life, headless and brainless.
In May of the following year, Lin Weiran reappeared in my life, not to pay back the money, but to beg for food. He had long, unkempt hair, a beard that covered a small half of his face, and worn-out jeans with lacquered, big leather shoes, like refugees fleeing the wilderness.
If it weren't for the fact that his teeth were white, if it weren't for the fact that his eyes were still clear, I don't think I would have recognized who he was.
At KFC, he stuffed hamburgers in his mouth and told me about the children he met in Tibet, Dorjee, Baima, and Daiqu, and he took pictures of them all, each smiling sweetly.
So I think he shouldn't be a very bad person either!
Two months later, I embarked on my first adventure in a short life, wandering the world with him. We went to Nanjing, ten miles of Qinhuai River, sold gold drunken moon, after eating duck blood vermicelli, turned around and went to Suzhou, at night on the Hanshan Temple, Jiang Feng to sleep, around the West Lake, when the rain, he bought an oil-paper umbrella for me.
In September, we came to Changsha, ate the stinky tofu of the fire palace, and came to Chengdu, the hot pot was so hot that I shed tears, and then Qinghai and Dunhuang, the spring breeze did not pass the jade gate, we stopped.
Everywhere he went, he would hold a guitar and sing on the street, spend as much as he earned, and go to the park without money.
I once asked him, is there any meaning in such a life?
He said people who died in bed were shameful.
Obviously, I believe what he says now, so every day, every day, I follow him, holding his arm, carrying a selfie stick on my shoulder, watching the world of flowers and flowers, and the world is busy.
Love does not need a reason.
「02」
We took big strides toward the unknown of the world, I don't know what I love Lin Weiran, but I know, because of him, my life seems to be different.
He opened the door to a new world for me, where the flowers were colorful and blossomed into a sea, and we lay on the grasslands of Inner Mongolia counting the stars, embracing in the Bohai Bay at minus 9 degrees Celsius, and writing letters to the children he knew all over the country, telling them how beautiful the mountains were and how magical life was.
Because of him, I began to fall in love with my own gender, more understanding and kindness to human beings, maybe he is a prodigal son, love is just a dispensable element in his life, but he is indeed an interesting soul.
In 2016, when we were tired and returned to Qingdao, he said, Feng Xiaoyi, I decided to raise you.
So we started the fireworks, he put down his guitar, went into the office building and the office, nodded and bent down to sell what he needed to sell.
Once I was waiting for a red light in a taxi, and I saw him running across the zebra crossing with a large stack of leaflets, and then crouching under the wall outside the mall and pulling out a bag of buns from his arms, my heart suddenly became very painful.
About lin Weiran's story, in fact, I already know, it is not difficult to check, his father is a city's economic leader, from time to time can appear on the local tv station, to express his opinion on finance and the stock market. His mother, who suffered from depression after his father remarried, when Lin Weiran was 16 years old, climbed to the top floor of the 24th floor and jumped down.
Once when I was playing bungee jumping in Hubei, he asked me, have you ever thought, in fact, life is very fragile, as long as I press the card on my body, we will never say goodbye.
He also told me that human beings always feel that ants are so weak and insignificant, and if they accidentally step on one of them, they will step on it, but how strong can we go, and who really cares about paying attention to our feelings.
Growing up, I grew up in a greenhouse and hadn't experienced so many bad things, so I still didn't quite understand what he was trying to express.
Now, we are starting to live together and plan for the future together, and I just want to do everything I can to keep this simple little happiness.
「03」
My girlfriend once advised me, and she said that if you fall in love with a person whose burning point is too low, it is destined to be an empty joy, and if you want to keep his enthusiasm, you must burn yourself and burn yourself to ashes, otherwise his heart will quickly cool down and leave you without hesitation.
I don't care, even if it is a moth to put out the fire, I will burn the love jade once.
In the spring of 2017, a sunny afternoon, Lin Weiran left, he said to me on WeChat, please take care, I am gone, I tried to settle myself down, but I failed.
He didn't apologize to me and knew I didn't need to, so I quit my job again and went all over the world looking for him.
Four months later, a news item was reported on television that his father had been arrested and jailed on suspicion of economic crimes, and then I went to his hometown.
I found him on the roof of the building where his mother died, still with long, unkempt hair, except that this time, his eyes were no longer clear and his face was a little more dazed.
He sneered and said that he should have thought that there would be such an ending, and if he did too many bad things, there would inevitably be retribution.
I wanted to give him some comfort, but I couldn't find the right words.
He shook his head, and some tears slid down his face. He said, I went to see him, very pitiful, probably going to end up in it for the rest of my life, I thought... I thought I would hate him very much, and I would be happy for my mother when I saw his miserable appearance, but he was my only relative in this world.
I went over and hugged him and said, you and me, we forgot everything, go start a new life, wherever you want to go, I will be with you.
Lin Weiran lowered his head and kissed me on the cheek, slowly pushed me away and said, live a life that really belongs to you, don't pin your hopes on me.
He turned and went down to the roof, and I haven't seen him since.
「04」
In 2019, when I was 30 years old, my family began to urge marriage, and I promised them to try a blind date.
In fact, there are no shortage of excellent men who have taken the initiative to show favor to me, and I have patiently discovered their respective advantages, but I always feel that something is missing.
As for what it was, I couldn't say it well, until one day, a little friend from Tibet sent me a photo, and I didn't know that I missed Lin Weiran so much and so.
He was the deepest scar on my heart and the most beautiful cloud I had ever hit. I remembered the first time I met in Lijiang, and I remembered the hug he gave me on the erhai Sea. There was always a smell of seagrass and moonlight in his body, reminding me of what we had experienced together.
Now that I'm 32 years old, family and friends are more anxious about my marriage, and where I am now, and I believe they all love me, but, everyone has their own mud and doesn't have to pull me.
A year after Lin Weiran left, I began to walk, repeating the route we had taken together and following his relics to Dunhuang. The search and rescue team sent me a bottle, which he found on him after the accident, and the note inside read: Feng Xiaoyi, love yourself well, see you in the next life!
So I told myself that when I got to Dunhuang, I would never think about what had happened before, and I would live seriously.
My own swamp, I need to climb out on my own.
END
Author: Feng Xiaoyi, original copyright