# Have a heart to find lemon psychology #
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01
There is inevitably friction in the process of getting along with people, whether it is getting along with unfamiliar people, or getting along with intimate objects, there will be disputes, sometimes we have dissatisfaction in our hearts, but we vent out in the wrong way, pushing the distance between intimate people and us farther and farther, so that unfamiliar people avoid us...
What are the specific expressions of misunderstandings, let me tell you a few points:
The first point is to only talk about the disadvantages and ignore the advantages.
This is very common in intimate relationships, we may habitually magnify the other person's shortcomings, and the other party's strengths we do not often mention or even if there is, we think that the other party should have.
We may not be used to praising our intimate, beloved people, so when words are spoken, they become accusations.
The second point is that the tone is poor and demanding.
Expressing the same thing, different tones and attitudes will have completely different results.
If we ask others to help with things, the attitude is like the boss facing the subordinates, then the other party will definitely feel uncomfortable, and for example, if you let the other party do things, but do not say it at one time, let the other party run back and forth, then the other party will definitely feel trouble.
The third point is that you are not used to apologizing after making a mistake.
It may be that we do not have the consciousness to apologize and admit our mistakes, or it may be that we do not apologize for the sake of our own face.
Learning to admit your inadequacies instead of making excuses is the responsibility of a mature person, so you should apologize or apologize, and the other party will be more likely to understand you.
The fourth point is to repeatedly express one's dissatisfaction.
Someone may feel sorry for you the first time they hear it, but if they hear you chattering over and over again, they may feel tired and tired.
02
So what are the reasonable ways to express your "dissatisfaction"?
Here are three suggestions for you:
The first is to pay more attention to your feelings than to the event itself.
Many people often say to their subjects: "You don't mop the floor today, and you don't accompany me to dinner." "
But at this time, we forget that what we need to convey more is the bad impact and feelings that this incident brings to us: it is sad that I do not feel cared for and cared for.
If you only say things, it will sound like accusations, and the other party will feel that it is not such a thing, are you so angry or sad?
So what we're going to do is:
First sort out your own needs, why I want to say this, what are my needs;
Sort them out and then express them to get the other person's understanding;
Then both sides work together to solve the problem.
Instead of blindly mentioning what the other person has done and arguing endlessly, hurting each other's feelings.
Remember that the ultimate goal you express is to solve the problem, so you should communicate around that purpose.
The second point is to try to turn your dissatisfaction into constructive feedback.
As we all know, affirmative and positive statements will make the other party more receptive, even if it is our complaints, he will feel that it is identification and respect for him, and putting forward specific constructive suggestions can greatly improve the effectiveness of communication.
For example, if I hope that my other half can often accompany you to dinner, you can say something like this: "I know that you are very self-motivated and often busy with work, but if you come back so late to let me eat alone, I will feel very lonely, and I hope you can eat with me two days a week." "
In this way, the other party can receive your message very quickly and will be happy to complete it.
The third point is to think differently and respect others.
When the other party has done something that makes you feel dissatisfied, don't be in a hurry to get angry, you can think about the other person's situation, habits or ideas from a different perspective.
"Do not do to others what we do not want", we must also be concerned about the ideas of others when expressing dissatisfaction, and we cannot be self-centered in everything and do not consider the situation of the other party.
This article is original by [Lemon Psychology Classroom], pay attention to me, take you to increase knowledge together!
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