Compared with her father Zhang Zhiyi, Zhang Ailing is closer to her mother Huang Yifan, Huang Yifan is beautiful and elegant, full of vitality, because she is dissatisfied with her husband Zhang Zhiyi eating, drinking, gambling, marrying her aunt's wife, resolutely and resolutely getting rid of all resistance, and going to study in the UK with her sister-in-law Zhang Maoyuan. At that time, Zhang Ailing was only 4 years old, and her younger brother Zhang Zijing was 3 years old, and for most mothers, the two children were still so young that it was difficult to leave them to go so far.
Huang Yifan walked away in a dashing manner, she was a selfish and cold woman in her bones, and her yearning for freedom was greater than that of her children. Four years later, huang Yifan returned from studying abroad, and Zhang Zhiyi dismissed his aunt in order to keep his wife, quit smoking, and found a new job. After the parents reconciled, the family had a short period of happiness, but Zhang Zhiyi and Huang Yifan were not the same people after all, and they were not accustomed to each other's lifestyle.
After arranging a school for her daughter and completing the divorce procedures, Huang Yifan went abroad again. Growing up without her mother, Zhang Ailing, who was young, was sensitive and independent, and books became her best companions. When she was 7 years old, she began to write novels, at the age of 14, she imitated Cao Xueqin's "Dream of the Red Chamber" to write a chapter back to the novel "Modern Dream of the Red Chamber", Zhang Zhiyi read it, was very proud of her daughter's talent, and personally gave her a chapter back to the directory name.
When Zhang Ailing was in middle school, her father remarried, and Zhang Ailing lived cautiously at home, maintaining a superficial peace with her stepmother until her mother returned to China. Zhang Ailing and her stepmother clashed, Zhang Ailing was ready to fight back, Zhang Zhiyi vented all his resentment against his ex-wife on Zhang Ailing, punched and kicked her, and then locked her up again, got sick, and did not ask her for a doctor.
Zhang Ailing managed to get the key and ran out, and she never went back. She was going to live with her mother and aunt.
Huang Yifan gave Zhang Ailing two choices: she took out a sum of money, zhang Ailing can use this money to buy a business, dress up well, find a man to marry herself; the second plan is to ask a tutor to learn English, and then study abroad.
Zhang Ailing didn't think about it and chose to study, find a man to marry, or forget it.
Finally living with her mother, Zhang Ailing was full of joy, but her mother was very dissatisfied with her, thinking that she did not stand up, sat down, a face of small family, and bluntly said that it was really not worth it to invest money in her. Zhang Ailing was beaten by her mother to the point of exhaustion, and she was very inferior, she wanted to please her mother, but what she did was wrong.
Later, when the War broke out in Europe, Zhang Ailing had to change her route to Hong Kong to study. In Hong Kong, it was a happier time in Zhang Ailing's life, where she met her best friend Yan Ying, who had very different personalities, but this did not prevent them from becoming good friends. Hong Kong was soon swept away by the war, and Zhang Ailing had to return to Shanghai.
For various reasons, Zhang Ailing finally gave up her studies and began to write novels with a boring head, and she had to earn money to support herself. She published the novel "Agarwood Crumbs, The First Incense" in Violet Magazine, with delicate brushstrokes, unique writing style, and a new star rising.
Zhang Ailing said: Fame should be early, if it comes too late, happiness is not so painful.
"Agarwood Crumbs • Second Burning Incense", "Jasmine Pieces", "Love in the Fallen City", "Golden Lock" and so on have come out one after another, and Zhang Ailing has become the most powerful female writer in Shanghai.
Zhang Ailing knows that the public is full of curiosity about female writers, she is very good at packaging herself, innovative clothing, aristocratic blood, she made herself a legend.
Talented Hu Lancheng was also attracted to her, asked his friend Su Qing about Zhang Ailing, and after coming to Shanghai, he personally visited Zhang Ailing and ate a closed door soup.
He left a note for Zhang Ailing: "Mr. Ailing gave a certificate." Hastily visiting, not allowed to see and foolishly happy, left for a few days, hoping to continue. ”
This year, Zhang Ailing was 24 years old and Hu Lancheng was 38 years old.
The text is sophisticated like Zhang Ailing, but in life, she is very childish, but she is also proud.
At that time, Hu Lancheng had been famous for a long time, and was the deputy head of the propaganda department of the puppet government in Nanjing, mature and elegant.
When the two first met, they had endless words to talk about, and they were shocked to realize that the afternoon had suddenly passed.
Hu Lancheng, a veteran of the love scene, like a hairy guy who fell in love for the first time, said hot love words, and so rashly broke into Zhang Ailing's lonely atrium for a long time.
"When she saw him, she became very low, very low into the dust, but her heart was joyful, and flowers blossomed from the dust."
Zhang Ailing wrote about the love of men and women in the city, and when it was her turn, it was a moth to put out the fire, desperate, whether he had a wife or not, whether he was a traitor or not... She just wanted to hold on to the love that had first appeared in her life.
Hu Lancheng and his wife divorced and ran to the home of a popular female writer in Shanghai.
He wrote in their marriage book: "The world is stable, and the years are quiet." “
Gave Zhang Ailing a beautiful illusion of marriage, the situation was turbulent at that time, which was a dream that was completely impossible to achieve.
Not long after the marriage, Hu Lancheng went to Wuhan to run a magazine, and he was not willing to be lonely, and he was soon mixed up with a young and beautiful female nurse.
"She's already my man." Hu Lancheng lightly informed Zhang Ailing, Zhang Ailing was in pain and panic, it turned out that this man loved her, but turned around and could quickly fall in love with other women, writing a letter hoping that she would understand.
Hu Lancheng fled to the countryside, Zhang Ailing traveled thousands of miles to visit him, and Hu Lancheng was ambiguous with a widow in the countryside. The two people sat together and chatted, but it was as if they were separated by a thousand mountains and rivers, and Hu Lancheng complained affectionately to the widow that his stomach hurt, they were more like husband and wife, and Zhang Ailing was just an outsider passing by.
"I don't like you anymore, you don't like me anymore.
This determination was something I had considered for a year and a half. Don't come to me, even if you write a letter, I don't look at it. ”
With a farewell letter and 300,000 yuan in writing fees, Zhang Ailing gave hu Lancheng all of it, not because she didn't love it, but because she couldn't love it anymore.
"If I have to leave you, I will not seek short-sightedness, nor will I love others anymore, and I will simply wither."
In the end, Hu Lancheng's identity still dragged Zhang Ailing, and Zhang Ailing left Shanghai and went to the United States.
Her closest aunt said as she left, "Don't correspond in the future, I don't care about you, and you don't worry about me." ”
Standing on the cruise ship, Zhang Ailing, looking at the distant Shanghai, her heart is desolate, Shanghai she can't go back, in this world, she is the only one.
In an artist camp in the United States, Zhang Ailing met a man named Lai Ya, who was more than twenty years older than Zhang Ailing and was a man with rich life experience. LaiYa has a good feeling for Zhang Ailing, a female writer from China, and often chats with her, Laiya is also a writer, and the two discuss literature and art, which is very close.
In this strange country, because of Laiya's company, Zhang Ailing began to have a smile on her face. It didn't take long for two lonely men and women to be together. A few months later, Zhang Ailing found out she was pregnant, this year she was 36 years old and Lai Ya was 65 years old. Laiya was very poor, and after years of wandering between free accommodations provided by various charities, the two decided to have an abortion after discussion.
Zhang Ailing and LaiYa are married, I don't know if it is because of the lack of father's love since childhood, she will always be attracted to men who are much older than her. Laiya has a generous personality, embracing Zhang Ailing's sensitivity and vulnerability, and although the two have a hard life, it is better than being alone.
In order to make more money, Zhang Ailing wrote the script in a small dark room in Hong Kong, repeatedly writing and revising, and finally writing that her eyes were bleeding and her feet were swollen so that she could not wear shoes. After getting the manuscript fee, she returned to the United States to reunite with Laiya, moved, painted her own house, and she was not afraid of the hard days.
Unfortunately, such a day is not long, Laiya has a stroke, please can not afford to take care of, Zhang Ailing can only take care of Laiya personally, and after Laiya falls asleep, she can write something.
Later, Zhang Ailing went to the university to teach and took LaiYa with her to take care of her, no matter what, this man was with her, which was enough.
When Zhang Ailing loved a man, she could only see love, and she couldn't see the rest, and Laiya had been married for 11 years, and she had not left them in poverty and hardship. During this period, Lai Ya had two strokes, and all the burdens of life were all pressed on Zhang Ailing's thin shoulders.
After Laiya's death, Zhang Ailing was alone again, this year she was 47 years old. She aged rapidly, moved frequently, and there was no place to call home anymore.
On September 8, 1995, 75-year-old Zhang Ailing was calm and quiet, and walked her life peacefully.
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