The old drama "The Tale of Wulin" is our childhood laughter and our youth memories. I once thought that it was a comma in the glorious era of domestic sitcoms, but I didn't think about it, but it became a stop. In addition to being light and funny, entertainment and entertainment, the self-consistent character relationship of this drama and the plot arrangement with hidden meaning are also admired.
Today, on the road, reading will use general psychology, social psychology, behavioral organization and other theories, old dramas and new theories, and reinterpret "The Tale of Wulin".
1. Why were they left alone?
Remember the day tong first came to Seven Heroes Town? On that day, she wore a big red wedding dress, covered with a big red hijab, a large box of dowry next to her, and a huge night pearl sewn around her waist. Sitting alone at the door of the inn, he yelled in his throat: You're back! You come back!
Dressed as a rich man and a helpless look, it is simply testing the moral standards of the citizens of Seven Heroes Town. Let's ponder such a question: Which family actually threw the big girl who was going to marry on the street with such a loud horn? They're not afraid of anything going wrong?
Then we knew. Tong Xiangyu, can have an identity, the big lady of the Dragon Gate Dart Bureau! Who is Hanzhong Dragon Gate Dart Bureau? Industry unicorns, big Macs. How did the only thousand gold of the chairman of the Tangtang Dragon Gate Dart Bureau be thrown alone in seven heroes town? What's going on? What did she do wrong? Or do you want to disobey your father and don't want to get married?
No, Xiangyu wants to get married, and she wants to get married. She had traveled thousands of miles to get married, but unexpectedly, the groom's official did not greet her with a high head as she said yes. Xiang Yu thought, wait a minute, maybe he overslept? A day passed. Xiang Yu thought again, wait a minute, maybe I remembered the wrong day? Another day passed. On the third day, Tong's father could not wait any longer, so he left his daughter and went back on his own.
Let's look at the servant he left behind to accompany Xiangyu. He looked at Xiangyu sitting on the side of the road, with an anxious face, one second he was still respectfully calling "big miss", the next second he patted his thigh, a look of hatred for iron and steel, and said: "What are you waiting for?" ”
Xiang Yu was left behind by his father, and he was still gambling: "If I want to return to you, I will resolutely not return." Jia Ding immediately shook his head, sighed, and couldn't wait to leave: "There are still a lot of things waiting for me to do, old man." Big Miss, take care of yourself. Then the scene we talked about earlier happened, and Xiangyu immediately began to howl: You come back, you come back! As a result, even the catchers were recruited, and the family did not return.
What's so important, sir? More important than the big lady? Moreover, from the later plot, we can also find that Xiangyu waited for these three days and did not even eat food.
But anyway, we are in charge of the leopard, from the scene of Tong Xiangyu to the Seven Heroes Town, we can already see her situation at home: the family situation is absolutely superior, from childhood to be raised, but you have to say how much attention is valued, hehe, I don't think so.
2. Can't stand the dictatorship of parents, escape!
According to the old custom, a woman who is engaged to a relative, unmarried and her husband dies, is to "look at the door widow", that is, to be widowed before the door has passed. Since he hadn't passed through the door, Tong Xiangyu should be living in his mother's house. Although some widows who wish to keep the festival will continue to enter the door to live in their husband's house, Xiang Yu's husband's Hengshan Sect has been torn apart, and there is no home left.
But even so, she still did not come home. Simply stayed in the Town of Seven Heroes, took his dowry, and a group of friends who had just met and only liked each other, opened the Tongfu Inn, and started a business! Why? It's simple – for freedom!
After two years, Old Father Tong came to the Tongfu Inn and wanted to persuade his daughter to return to Hanzhong: "You are very bitter here, you don't even have a horse." I'm coming back here to get you back." ”
This shows that Tong Lao Dad still has feelings for his daughter. Although he hadn't seen his daughter in the past two years, when he heard that her daughter didn't even have a horse here, she had to walk by herself, and the old father was so distressed that he rushed over to pick up his daughter. But the question is, can the lack of horses show that Xiangyu is living a hard life?
As everyone knows, seven heroes town is different from Hanzhong, and opening inns and opening darts are also different. Tong Lao Dad obviously does not think in a different position, he feels that his daughter is bitter, and that daughter is living a bitter life. There is a kind of suffering, so that your parents think that you are bitter.
Sure enough, Father Tong continued to center on his personal will and launched a personal show. Your shop can't live without you? If it's off, it's okay. What about your guys? Either go together, or disband on the spot, n+1 compensation I will pay. This young lady named Xiao Guo owes you silver? Easy to do, take it home to summon, when the time comes to give your brother a concubine, although a little unworthy, but it does not matter: she is wild, can she still be wild? Fight to the death, you can always pull it over.
It sounds so familiar. Later, once Xiangyu and her brother pursued peerlessness, the first time they did three thousand push-ups, after being punctured by Xiangyu, they immediately went to the old confession unconvincingly: "Brother-in-law, you have to take care of my sister when you have time." If you can't stop it, fight! Kick if you don't listen! If you don't listen to it, you will go up the brick and turn it back on her! The second time, he found a hollow stone lock to impersonate Hercules, and was pierced by Xiangyu, and then became angry again: "Brother-in-law, if I were you, I would go up and kick her!" Slap her in the face! What a man this is! ”
What is called having a father must have its son, what is called the ancestral machismo gene, passing on the male to the female. We can basically determine: the women of the Tong family have a very low status! That's definitely a small dozen for three days, a big dozen for five days. Otherwise, where did Tong Shi learn the means of domestic violence, and still say it so naturally and justifiably?
Sure enough, I only listened to Old Father Tong's eyes and no one advised, what widow is not in front of the door, you don't want to face me, I want to face. To put it mildly, Xiangyu just doesn't listen, doesn't listen to me, doesn't listen. Angry, Tong's father was going to beat his daughter on the spot, hold her head and run away, even if he tied her with a rope. In his mind, his daughter is "very stupid, can't do anything, and doesn't have much culture" and "it's a burden everywhere she goes." In the eyes of everyone, Tong, who is good at dancing and running an inn in an orderly manner, is just a widow who shows her face and will only "shame people's eyes".
Parents like Tong Laopa, in psychology, have a special word, called "authoritarian parents". Usually, psychology divides the parenting style of parents to children from the two dimensions of control and reaction, respectively, into four categories. The so-called control, easy to understand; and reactiveness, refers to whether parents are aware of the individual characteristics of their children, child-centered.
If parents are low-handed and child-centered, they are laissez-faire: my children do whatever they want. And what if the parents have low control and are self-centered? That's ignoring: have a child at home? Where? Why didn't I see it?
If the parents are highly controlled and child-centered, it is an authoritative type, which can not only put forward appropriate requirements for the child, but also let the child grow up on his own. And what if the parents are highly controlled and self-centered? This is the authoritarian type, like Tong Laopa: you? Didn't show up, listen to me.
On such a son-preference, authoritarian and domineering original family, Xiang Yu was detained at home when he was a child, and has always obeyed his parents' arrangements.
If you are Tong Xiangyu, can you not look forward to getting married every day? What happened to the groom's official for three days? It takes three years. Husband dead? Good opportunity, hurry up and take out the original capital to stand on its own portal. It is impossible to go home anyway, it is never possible to go home. Simply open an inn on the spot and be an independent new woman in the patriarchal era.
3. Without you coming, I can PUA myself
Tong Lao Dad came to the inn PUA her, she was not convinced. What happened to the widow? Widows also have human rights. What's the use of not convincing? When he said that Old Father Tong did not listen, he could not understand it after listening to Old Father Tong. Xiang Yu could only think of a broken idea of a fake marriage and fooled around.
Even his younger brother Tong Shi could pull his father out from time to time to walk around, and the fox fake tiger Wei: "O God of The Drops, do you two sleep in separate rooms when you are married?" Don't want kids? I went back and told Daddy! Immediately, Xiang Yu's tone changed from "I want you to manage" to "Oh, don't, we have something to say."
After all, it is a father who is connected by flesh and blood, and there is no way. She wanted to run away from her original family, but she didn't want to break off relations with her parents! Therefore, starting from reality, Xiangyu could not really escape from the original family.
We say that Xiangyu is always PUA by Tong Laopa. In fact, there is no need for Tong Laopa to come out of the horse, under the long-term denial and suppression, Xiangyu sometimes "self-PUA".
The most typical is Xiang Yu's mantra: "The forehead is wrong, the forehead is really wrong, the forehead should not have been married from the beginning, if the forehead is not married, the husband of the forehead will not die, if the husband of the forehead does not die, how can I fall into such a sad place..."
Where does this phrase appear? Sometimes, the dumplings were secretly wrapped and found, and the dumplings fell to the ground with a bang; sometimes they fought with the opposite restaurant, and the inn ran out of guests for two consecutive days; sometimes, they pretended to be crazy sheep and were tortured by Xiao Liu; sometimes, they were given Versailles by the good sisters when they were young, and they felt that their life was not as good as others.
In short, there is nothing wrong, small things are big things, she always says "I was wrong" first. Self-deprecation, this is already an instinctive reaction of Tong Xiangyu's sister, a daily habit.
Look at the seventy-second time, Xiangyu's performance after another Xiangyu, Jin Xiangyu, left.
Jin Xiangyu, Tong Xiangyu, one is gold, one is copper, which means that Tong Xiangyu is cheaper than Jin Xiangyu, not valuable, and nowhere is it comparable to her. As soon as Jin Xiangyu appeared, the guys were all attracted away one by one, and what treasurer was not the treasurer, where was the treasurer, while cooling off. Tong Xiangyu was beaten into slag, which called a self-esteem destroyed.
After a whole episode, the truth is revealed, and it turns out that this is a scene made by the big guys together, in order to give the treasurer an unexpected birthday surprise. After Jin Xiangyu left, the awkwardness in her heart was that she couldn't get over it. Not to force everyone to call themselves "Xiangyu Sister" not to say, but also to give advice to themselves. One per person, mandatory, is counted into the KPI assessment.
Old Bai Xiucai Li Dazui repeatedly expressed his sincerity: We have no opinion on you, no opinion, really no opinion. But she is good, dead or alive do not believe: I know that I am not as beautiful as her, no she can dress, no interest and no taste, will not write poetry and drink, will not stir-fry and pull erhu, it does not matter, although you mention, I can learn, can change.
This kind of repetitive self-doubt, self-depreciation, self-attack, this kind of psychology that cares too much about other people's ideas, so that he gives up his self, is that Xiangyu has internalized his father's way of parenting himself since childhood, and after encountering things, the first reaction is often "there is a problem with the forehead", not "others have a problem".
Why "I have a problem"? Why not believe that someone else is not in trouble? Because only "I" is the only one I can control. Only if I am not good enough, I will have the possibility of trying to get the approval of others, and will I get false hope and comfort.
The author | Fangjia, M.S. in Psychology, University of California, Berkeley
Edit | Ryozo
Reading on the road: PhDs from world-famous universities read a good book in 30 minutes.
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