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Retirement is what many people yearn for, and after working hard for most of their lives, it is finally time to harvest.
As we worked hard, we owed too much to our families and brothers and sisters, missing many companionship and important moments. Therefore, many people will choose to return to their families most of the time after retirement, and brothers and sisters who have not been in contact for a long time have begun to move around frequently.
The starting point of such behavior is good, but in reality, it often produces some contradictions. Obviously, I want to deepen the exchange of feelings, why do I make my brothers and sisters more and more estranged?
In fact, after retirement, it is best not to have frequent exchanges between brothers and sisters, mainly for the following considerations.
One: Frequent exchanges will cause trouble to others
Siblings vary in age and usually do not retire together at the same time. If you have a spark of affection after retirement, and you want to connect with your feelings through frequent interactions, it will actually affect the lives of other people.
No matter how friendly your purpose is, your behavior is inherently a social behavior. As long as it is a social behavior, both parties have to pay social costs, and the most typical and expensive cost is time.
You're retired and have a lot of free time, but for a professional, time is very precious, and he doesn't have so much free time to socialize.
Then this is nothing more than two results: either he sacrifices other time, such as rest time or working time, to cooperate with your visit or invitation, so that although you are satisfied, he is affected, and in the long run, it is inevitable that there will be resentment in his heart.
Or he really can't open the time, refused your offer, once or twice is fine, if he refuses many times, he will feel guilty in his heart, and you will also have some thoughts, think that he does not pay attention.
In this way, the feelings of the two sides not only cannot be strengthened in the interaction again and again, but contradictions gradually arise.
There is also a case where people will make a comparison.
Among your siblings, if there are those who retired earlier than you, but did not interact with other people as frequently as you did. In contrast, it is possible for other siblings to think that those who are not in early retirement do not care about these families.
Although your intention is not to show your family, your behavior objectively misleads others.
On the other hand, the circle and concerns of a retiree are completely different from those of professionals, just as several mothers will definitely talk about children when they get together, and several unmarried women may talk about cosmetics together.
People who are originally two circles have to be forced together, in addition to making each other uncomfortable, they cannot play much role in deepening their feelings.
The interaction between brothers and sisters is appropriate, after all, everyone has their own life.
Second: frequent exchanges will increase the cost of human feelings
China is a country of etiquette, and has always paid attention to the number of etiquette, and you frequently come and go, in fact, invisibly, increasing the burden on others.
China's human sentiments are already a pain in the hearts of many people.
There was once such a news on the Internet that a white-collar worker earned 5,000 yuan a month, but just before the eleventh long holiday, he received eight wedding invitations, all of which were red bombs of colleagues, classmates and relatives.
Now the share, sub-money, is also rising, each wedding gift is from 500 yuan, some close friends or relatives give more.
In just seven days, he sent out 6,000 yuan, more than his monthly salary.
Human contact has become a part of the Chinese's living expenses that cannot be ignored. The personal exchanges from their brothers and sisters are even more difficult to refuse. You take the initiative to visit your brothers and sisters, naturally you can not go to the door empty-handed, more or less will bring some fruit snacks and the like, Chinese pay attention to etiquette, then the visitee, you have to return the gift or return visit.
Once or twice is fine, if the number of times is more, the accumulation is also a big expense.
Ten fingers have their own lengths, and the brothers and sisters of the family will have different economic abilities. Since you have taken the initiative to visit, it means that these expenses are within your financial affordability, and the person who returns the gift may not be able to come up with the money so easily.
There are also some frugalities in life, even if the money is not unbearable for him, but it is also an expense beyond the plan, and there will naturally be some knots in his heart.
Moreover, the interaction between brothers and sisters also has to come and go. You have taken the initiative to invite many times, if the other party just receives it directly, but does not return to visit you, you will inevitably feel a little uncomfortable in your heart, feeling that you are shaving your head and picking a hot head.
Obviously, it is to enhance feelings, but it invisibly increases the economic burden and buries the emotional hidden dangers. Such frequent exchanges are really not worth the loss.
There is a famous hedgehog effect in psychology, which aims to tell us that people need to get closer to each other because they need to warm each other, but they are too close and easy to hurt each other. So the best way is to keep a good distance and grasp the scale and boundaries.
This is especially true between brothers and sisters, who know how to communicate reasonably, so as not to turn their sincerity and enthusiasm into a knife to hurt others.
END.