Author: Oh mom
Everything is sometimes, and boys have their own growth trajectory.
Respect the boy's rules, guide the child and encourage the child according to his growth characteristics, and believe that our boy will naturally "break the cocoon into a butterfly".
Recently, the final exam ended, and I attended my son's parent-teacher conference and was hit by 10,000 points again.
After a semester, don't say "excellent", the son did not even rate a "good".
Needless to say, the class ranking must be miserable, otherwise the teacher would not say anything, but silently let the parents take the report card away.
Look at someone else's child, some are happy and some are sad.
Joyful, almost all the girls are mothers.
Most of the people who scored "excellent" were girls.
Sadly, of course, it is the boy's mother, and the situation is similar to mine.
I thought that my husband and I were both graduates of prestigious schools, and my son's study must not be a problem.
Nowadays, when I see the "scum son", let alone the college entrance examination, even the middle school entrance examination does not know whether it can pass smoothly.
In a panic, I remembered a message I saw a few days ago:
This mother, who has a son and a daughter in the family, every time she goes to her daughter's parent-teacher meeting, all she hears is praise and praise for her daughter.
Holding her daughter's certificate in her hand, she felt that she was extraordinary, simply a "winner in life".
But as soon as he arrived at the son's parent-teacher meeting, there was no honor or praise, and the teacher caught himself constantly counting down his son's not as soon as he finished.
The more I listened, the more I felt like a sinner...
Is the learning difference between boys and girls really so obvious?
In 2020, a college student job search online application platform conducted a survey and found that:
At that time, the proportion of male and female college students in China was 4.08 percentage less than that of female students.
(Source: Sycamore Campus Recruitment)
Of the twelve university disciplines, only four are male students accounting for more than female students.
In the distribution of the male and female proportions of college students at all levels of academic qualifications, although there are more men and fewer women for doctoral students, the proportion of male students for master's degree students is significantly less.
Just recently, the National Bureau of Statistics released the "Outline for the Development of Chinese Women (2011-2010)" terminal statistical test report showing:
Among the students in higher education, female graduate students, female general undergraduate specialties and adult undergraduate students accounted for 50.9%, 51% and 58% respectively.
This proportion increased by 3.1%, 0.1% and 4.9% respectively in the 10 years from 2010 to 2020.
It's not imagination, and it's not unfounded:
There are now far fewer men than girls going to college.
On university campuses, the phenomenon of "yin and yang decay" is more serious.
Even recently, i heard a voice online saying that "boys' chances of going to college are slowly decreasing."
I have to say that as parents of boys, we have to be vigilant.
Boys have late brain development
It is doomed to suffer more losses in learning
A teacher with more than 20 years of teaching experience once said:
In primary school, boys generally have worse grades than girls.
The same knowledge point, the girl will understand a little, no matter how many times the boy talks about it, he does not understand or does not understand.
There is a scientific basis for such a situation.
Numerous scientific studies have found:
Boys' brains develop more slowly than girls in most functions.
For example, the nerve fibers that connect the left and right cerebral hemispheres, the callosum, will be smaller for boys than for girls.
This means that there will be fewer neuronal connections between the boys' left and right brains, and they will communicate with each other relatively less frequently.
For example, boys' prefrontal lobes (known as the "CEO of the brain," which assist the brain in processing complex information and making decisions) and occipital lobes (which primarily receive and process sensory information) develop more slowly than girls.
This results in boys not being as sensitive to external information as girls are and able to react quickly.
In addition, there are differences in the development of the left and right hemispheres of the brain, boys and girls.
Girls give priority to the development of the left brain (the left brain is responsible for language, reasoning, logic, consciousness, and memory, called the "conscious brain", "academic brain");
Boys prioritize the development of the right brain (the right brain is responsible for movement, imagination, creation, and art, called the "creation brain").
This is also the reason why at the primary and secondary school stage, boys cannot quickly express and respond to things like girls.
Boys' "late opening" and "slow half-beat" are obviously reflected in brain development, which is very different from girls.
Zeng Zhaoning, a professor at Xi'an Shiyou University, once called for "Boys' Enrollment should be one year later than girls" in "Opening the Altar: Youth Season".
The reason is precisely that "boys develop later than girls".
He regrets that most parents do not think so, and even want boys to receive education early and win at the starting line.
As a result, those boys who enter the "junior class" will not be able to do it after junior high school and high school.
Compared with girls, boys are born with poor decision-making ability, low language ability, long development time, and certain disadvantages in learning.
Boys' self-control is a little worse than girls'
Someone on the knowing side asked a question:
"There are fewer and fewer boys going to good universities, and more and more girls, is it because many boys play games and play mobile phones?"
While it is not recommended to have a preconceived label definition for boys, it is necessary to admit one fact:
Boys are indeed more likely to waste their time playing games and playing with their phones than on studying.
Lu Pengcheng, a well-known parent-child education expert, has focused on family education research for more than 20 years, and has drawn a conclusion in a large number of cases and experiments:
The reason why the boy is active and has poor self-control is because he can secrete a large amount of testosterone in his body.
This will make him idle for a moment, and he needs to expend energy by constantly moving.
The Department of Pediatric Psychology of Hunan Provincial Brain Hospital has treated many children who have been brought by their parents for consultation because of online classes at home.
One of the boys, just in the third grade.
Usually, my academic performance in school is not bad, but as soon as I study at home, I always like to look around.
One will touch this, the other will go to do something else, it is difficult to concentrate.
Seeing this, I believe that many parents must feel the same:
Isn't that my son?
Because boys have a lot of testosterone in their bodies, and brain regions responsible for self-control develop more slowly than girls.
Therefore, they are easily impulsive, their mood swings are also very large, and their self-control will be poor.
Ma Qinwei, a Tsinghua scholar who has been on the "Super Brain Youth League", once exposed himself:
In the third grade of elementary school, I was exposed to online games, as if opening up a new world, and it was difficult to control myself when I played.
He would even take advantage of his mother's lack of attention to sneak up and play.
Therefore, it is not that the boys' academic performance cannot be improved.
It's that they have a lot of things they want to play with, and they can't be self-disciplined like girls.
Once parents are not properly supervised and not properly guided, they are vulnerable to "learning Waterloo".
The diversion of the middle school entrance examination accelerates the differentiation of the future
Some parents may question:
The boy opened the trick late, but it does not mean that he did not know the trick, after all, the success cases of "counterattack" abound.
But don't forget that now the middle school entrance examination "five or five streams", to give poor students the opportunity to counterattack is not much.
The eldest son of his cousin, because of his poor results in the middle school examination the year before, could not go to pugao and could only enroll in vocational schools.
At that time, the child realized the importance of reading, and thought of being angry and trying to be strong, striving for a good score in the vocational school and a good opportunity.
But two years later, the faith of yesteryear has been shattered by the harsh reality.
The foundation for learning was not laid well, and when he arrived at the vocational school, the more difficult knowledge theories could not be digested at all, and the things the teacher said, he felt like a book in heaven.
Even if he wants to use his spare time to study, he doesn't know where to start.
Learning encounters bottlenecks, and I don't know how to adjust and ask for help.
Coupled with many students around, the learning ability is very general, and they only want to play games and watch mobile phones all day long, and they cannot create a good learning atmosphere.
Gradually, he also gave up his active desire for knowledge, and the whole person became extremely depressed and depressed.
In fact, it is not that vocational schools are bad, nor is it encouraging everyone to go to the top of the exam.
But the entrance examination is a watershed in front of every boy.
The 50% of boys who are left behind are destined to suffer more than others, suffer more sins, and pay much more effort than others before they can catch up and achieve the possibility of success.
The reality, however, is that there are very few such examples.
If you have a boy in the family, you must not let the child go unchecked
The philosopher Plato said:
"Of all the animals, boys are the hardest to control and deal with."
This is the truth, and it is also the truth that parents of every boy's family should always be vigilant and seriously face.
Although all indications are that learning is very different for boys and girls.
But as long as the method is found correctly, the future of the "scum" boy will have a good way out.
First, do not compare boys with girls, and respect the development laws of boys.
Now there is a saying on the Internet: giving birth to a daughter is a first-class person, giving birth to a son is angry and dead.
Although it is only a complaint, it can also reflect that everyone is annoyed by the late maturing boy.
But in fact, girls have the advantages of girls, boys have their own development laws, but also have their own growth advantages.
Just like Chi Yiyang in "Zero Zero", although the study is not good, it makes the class teacher a headache.
But under the guidance of educator Li Yue'er and his parents, he found his own path to success - playing rugby.
And with all the efforts, we are now moving towards the goal of being a professional player.
Professor Ji Dahai, an education expert, said:
"Naughty boys are usually more curious and willing to explore the outside world, and if they are properly guided to grow, they will become great instruments."
Even if the boy starts late and has many problems, as long as the parents can calm their minds, do not compare him with others, and do not give up the supervision of him.
I believe that boys will eventually have their own piece of the sky.
Second, build confidence in boys that slow work can also be done.
The son of educator Hei Youlong, Li Guoguo, had particularly poor grades when he first came to Taiwan to study.
Once I also scored zero.
At that time, seeing the report card, his wife Li Bailing did not criticize or suppress, but comforted:
"You should do well in the next exam, you'll take a fritter and a duck egg, which is ten."
It's not that she's not worried, but she knows that impatience and anxiety are useless, and her son can't immediately go from 0 to the passing line.
Only by constantly encouraging the child and accompanying him to find problems and defeat problems can he continue to make progress.
Sure enough, the later Liguo, with the love and encouragement of his parents, studied medicine and became the president of the hospital.
Treating the education of boys is like dragging a snail to a walk, waiting for the rhythm and pace of the child, giving him confidence and motivation, and he has the possibility of becoming a talent.
Third, help boys speed up the development of the left brain, but also do not give up the development of the right brain.
Since boys' left brain develops late, parents can do more activities to accelerate left brain development if they want to improve their brain development.
For example, usually accompany the child to read, communicate with the child, and promote the development of his language logic ability;
When he expresses stumbling, or the words are not up to his word, give him more encouragement, so that he has a sufficiently inclusive environment to be willing to speak and adjust.
At the same time, we should also pay attention to the development of the child's right brain.
Allow him to have a wild imagination, like to tinker with things, especially when he expresses curiosity about things, parents should be as guided and satisfied as possible.
Don't assume that a boy has a problem with his IQ because of differences in his development in the brain.
Scientific studies have shown that before the child turns 11, the average IQ score of girls is almost 1 point higher than that of boys, and between the ages of 11 and 16, boys begin to exert their strength, and until the age of 16, boys' IQ will be 1.8 points higher than the average of girls.
Parents patiently guide, give support and encouragement, the boy's future will not be bad.
Raising his son for many years, he sighed all the time:
Trying to get him ahead of the curve seems to be fraught with difficulties and challenges.
But there are also many gains, so that I am always on the road to learning, thinking about how to tap his strengths and reflect on my own education.
In the final analysis, I hope that in the future, he can have more self-confidence, more happiness, and more importantly, health and happiness.
After all, that's something that nothing can replace.
And I always believe that only his parents know him well enough, always pay attention to him, and give him the protection and nourishment he deserves.
Our boys will certainly be able to inspire innate strength in an education full of love and warmth, and they will do something.
Reference book: "Boys and Girls Learn Differently" ([Beauty] Michael Gurion)