The "Know It or Not" TV series deleted a very interesting character: Gu Tingcan.
As Xiao Qin's biological daughter, Gu Tingye's half-sister, and Minglan's sister-in-law, Gu Tingcan was full of hostility towards Minglan from the moment she married into the door, and repeatedly publicly threw her face at Minglan.
Unexpectedly, when Gu Tingcan returned to the door on the third day of his new marriage, due to various reasons, there was an embarrassing cold scene between Xiao Qin and his son-in-law; at the critical moment, it was Minglan who came out to save the scene, and Yun Lightly resolved the embarrassment.
Why does Minglan want to come out of this head? You know, the Minglan in the original work has never been the White Lotus of the Virgin, and has never believed that the wicked can be moved by a few good deeds.
Yes, Minglan's shot is indeed not the original intention of "tolerance and generosity, revenge with virtue", but a general pattern full of life wisdom:
In the adult world, the true likes and dislikes of individuals do not necessarily have to be written on the face and expressed in words and deeds at all times;
It is the privilege of children to act according to their personal feelings without hesitation; and weighing the pros and cons and forbearing and planning before acting is the cultivation behavior that adults should have.
01 It is difficult to get a noble son-in-law, but because of his identity, he is afraid of his head and tail
Things should start with Gu Tingcan's marriage.
Gu Tingcan, as the favorite concubine of the old Marquis Gu Yankai, grew up holding in the palm of his hand, lonely and self-congratulatory, and had no dust:
On the one hand, Gu Tingcan only loves elegance and does not leave his hands; on the other hand, he is completely dismissive of mundane affairs such as female red, account reading, and family management.
As a result, when I reached the age of the family, I could not say the right person for various reasons. (There's also a little episode about Minglan, as will be discussed later.) ）
For this reason, the mother Xiao Qin clan was anxious to turn around.
By chance, Han Cheng, the third son of Princess Qingchang, took the initiative to propose to him, and Gu Tingcan's marriage was settled.
Xiao Qin's eyebrows were raised, because the situation at that time was: the former Marquis of Ningyuan, Gu Tingyu, was deceased, Xiao Qin's own son Gu Tingwei was mediocre and incompetent, and the wrongdoer Gu Tingye had a good momentum, all of which made Xiao Qin quite incompetent;
And once he climbed the princess mansion and made a family with the eldest princess, Xiao Qin's heart could have a little more confidence.
Gu Tingcan was also very satisfied: first, this was a good family affair of high marriage, worthy of her usual attitude of being lonely and self-promising; second, she heard that Han Cheng was also a reader, thinking that in the future, after marriage, the two sons could also recite poems and enjoy elegance together, which was in line with her fantasy of a fresh and unworldly fairy lover.
More importantly, Gu Tingcan held her breath in her heart, and she intended to suppress her second sister-in-law Sheng Minglan:
You are a little daughter of a civilian official's family, even if you are lucky enough to marry into the Gu family and get lucky enough to become Lady Hou, what can you do? After all, I still can't compare to me, marry the princess house, and become the princess's daughter-in-law!
Therefore, when the newlywed returned to her mother's home on the third day of marriage, Gu Tingcan and her husband Han Cheng brought enough gifts from the princess, put enough shelves, and held their strength, so that the mother's family could see how well they were married, and even more so that the second sister-in-law Minglan's eyes were on fire, his mouth was sour, his face was elongated, and he was unhappy.
In this way, she Gu Tingye can "be happy".
As a result, things were not the same as Gu Tingcan thought, although her shelf was very full, there were many gifts, and the scene was very large, but Minglan did not have the slightest expression of envy and jealousy, but instead smiled festively and red-hot.
Gu Tingcan was like a punch in the air, in vain, he wasted so much effort, and as a result, people did not accept the move at all. In the end, he did not get angry with Minglan, but he was not lightly angry with himself.
In fact, with Minglan's agility and cleverness, coupled with Gu Tingcan's deliberate words and deeds, how could Minglan not see Gu Tingcan's careful thinking?
However, for this kind of child-level trick, if you tit-for-tat and calculate, you will waste your own energy and popularity; it is better to turn a blind eye, pretend to be deaf and dumb, let the other party have the strength to be useless, and win without fighting.
Wave after wave, wave after wave:
Usually, when the new son-in-law returns to the door, he or she has to put up a little elder's shelf or admonish or teach a few words. However, when things came to Xiao Qin's place, they encountered a little trouble:
Han Cheng was the concubine son of Princess Tangtang Qingchang, the "noble son-in-law" of the Eight Classics of Zheng'er, so expensive that even Xiao Qin's mother-in-law did not dare to easily talk about the admonition;
Therefore, as a mother, Xiao Qin's mother obviously only has Gu Tingcan, an only daughter, who obviously has a full stomach and wants to "advise" her son-in-law, but she does not dare to say half a word;
On the other hand, as a noble and noble prince, Han Cheng could not do three or four times, be respectful and respectful, and speak auspicious words to please his mother-in-law;
As a result, on the one hand, Xiao Qin's hesitation was difficult to say, and on the other hand, Han Cheng's self-esteem identity, so the scene was once a little awkward.
For the ancients, who spoke of a little auspicious omen in everything, it was not a pleasant thing to be cold on a day that should have been red and festive.
At this moment, Minglan next to her played a huge role, she first posed as a sister-in-law of her mother-in-law, posing as a "person who came over", smiling and squinting at the auspicious words such as "husband and wife harmony, opening branches and scattering leaves";
Then, following the topic of "famous teachers" mentioned by Han Cheng, talking about the economy of shitu and talking about reading and studying, not only did Han Cheng find the pleasure of "making friends with literati and scholars", and gradually talked more, But Xiao Qin also deduced that his son-in-law was very learnable and self-motivated, "full of satisfaction and admiration".
The scene, which was originally a little awkward, was dissolved without a trace between these talks and laughter, and everything returned to its superficial decency and festivity.
02 Sometimes, it seems to be to complete others, but in fact, it is to complete oneself
Some people may say that if Minglan does not come out, let Xiao Qin's cold field, let Gu Tingcan be embarrassed, and let this pair of mother and daughter who have always had bad intentions eat and eat, isn't it more relieving?
What's more, even if Minglan helped them, they wouldn't be grateful!
It is true that after the "back door" storm, Xiao Qin is still that Xiao Qin, Gu Tingcan is still that Gu Tingcan, no one is more grateful to Minglan, and no one has changed his consistent behavior pattern;
What should be calculated is still calculating; what is hostile is still hostile.
However, the reason why Minglan came out was not to move Xiao Qin and Gu Tingcan from the beginning;
Under the circumstances at that time, Minglan seemed to have helped her sister-in-law and mother-in-law, but in fact, she helped herself:
First of all, Minglan did not save the scene of Xiao Qin's mother and daughter, but the face of the Gu family.
If something unpleasant happened at Gu Tingcan's return ceremony, or if the Han family saw the joke, once these words were spread outside, outsiders would take the entire Gu family as the object of ridicule, rather than accurately distinguishing whether to laugh at the sister-in-law or the second sister-in-law.
In other words, the face of the Gu family is the face of every member of the Gu family; Minglan, as the daughter-in-law of the Gu family, cannot be completely wiped clean.
The so-called "one loss is lost, one is prosperous".
If Minglan watched Gu Tingcan and Xiao Qinshi encounter embarrassment and stand by for the sake of her personal contradictions in her daily life, although she was really cool for a moment and a half, in fact, her own face would also be implicated.
Secondly, it once again shows the family style of the Sheng family's "poetry and book heirloom", and also earns a good reputation for itself.
No matter what kind of thoughts Minglan and Xiao Qin had in their hearts, they still maintained a superficial harmony at this time, and in the eyes of outsiders, they were still affectionate mother-in-law.
At Gu Tingcan's "return ceremony", Minglan sat next to Xiao Qin's side; if he did not rescue the scene in time, outsiders would either think that this daughter-in-law did not understand things and had no eyes; or they would feel that she was in a hurry but could not help, and then deduced that the so-called "poetry and book heirloom" of the Sheng family was also "not Er'er", and there was no ability to change at all.
In fact, Minglan not only saved the scene without a trace, but also did not hurry to pick up the topic of "famous teacher" mentioned by Han Cheng, and talked elegantly and skillfully;
Not only did Han Cheng also take a look at Sheng Jiagao, but also let the others present not be able to pick out Minglan's fault, but they had a better impression of Minglan.
In fact, many things in life are often like this, it seems to be perfecting others and helping others, but in fact, it is more in the perfection of themselves and helping themselves;
If you lose more tangible benefits just to get a momentary emotional venting, it is a bit too much to lose.
03 Sometimes, it seems to be letting go of others, but in fact, it is even more letting go of yourself
Speaking of which, Gu Tingcan is a typical example of "losing big because of small losses, and gaining more than you lose".
As mentioned earlier, Gu Tingcan's road to discussing relatives is very unsmooth; in addition to "natural disasters" (various national funerals and relatives' funerals), there are also a large part of the reasons for the "man-made disasters" she caused herself:
Due to the enmity between his mother Xiao Qin and his half-brother Gu Tingye, Gu Tingcan firmly sided with his mother, so even his new sister-in-law Sheng Minglan was regarded as a thorn in his eye;
However, due to her limited ability, Gu Tingcan couldn't think of any way to bring a substantial blow to Minglan; all she could think of was to stand up to Miss Qianjin's shelf and desperately show her contempt and contempt for Minglan in her attitude.
Therefore, whenever Minglan came to ask Xiao Qin for peace, and the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law both tried to interpret the superficial article of motherly kindness and filial piety, Gu Tingcan, as a boudoir girl, should theoretically come out to participate in the daily gathering of female relatives and meet with her sister-in-law;
However, Gu Tingcan either could not get away with various arrogant reasons; or even if he came out, he would not speak with his face; or he could not speak easily, but he was also cold and cold, and his words were stinging.
If you look at it from the perspective of a daughter who wants to help her mother, you can actually understand what Gu Tingcan did;
However, she is still too naïve after all, because this little trick of hers, at best, is the same "spiritual victory method" as Ah Q, and has no practical significance at all;
Not only did he not hurt Minglan half a point, but he brought trouble to himself:
Gradually, the female relatives outside the family knew that gu Tingcan, the seventh girl, did not like to talk to her sister-in-law Sheng Minglan.
This matter does not sound like a big deal, but when placed on Gu Tingcan, a Miss Qianjin who is "of the right marriage age and anxious to discuss relatives", the problem is serious.
A typical example:
The empress's sister Xiao Shen's in-laws, that is, the Shizi of the Zheng family of the Zhongjing Houfu, intended to let her son marry the Gu family girl, and because Xiao Shen and Minglan had a close relationship, Mrs. Zheng Shizi specifically asked Xiao Shen about Gu Tingcan's character.
Xiao Shen told the truth: How could Lady Ningyuanhou (Zhi Lan) know? Their sister-in-law didn't say a few words.
Mrs. Zheng Shizi was surprised:
Outsiders say that Mrs. Gu is very well-behaved, and in three or five days she will go to mrs. Gu to ask for peace, and she can pity her widow and niece, so why does she refuse to talk to her sister-in-law?
Xiao Shen continued to tell the truth:
It wasn't Madame Gu's problem, it was the Seventh Lady Gu. When Mrs. Gu went to invite Ann, most of the seven girls did not come out, and even if they came out, they did not talk much.
Mrs. Zheng Jia Shizi immediately understood eight or nine points:
This Gu girl, arrogant, willful, and unruly; she is not a suitable candidate for daughter-in-law.
In this way, Gu Tingcan's road to relatives was extremely difficult, and half of the reason was that she had unconsciously ruined her reputation.
She only cared about obtaining a sense of victory in her psychology, but forgot that in the context of the times at that time, her relatives were indispensable to the travel and matchmaking of the married female relatives of the family; and she ignored that Minglan was already the lady of Ningyuan Marquis, the highest grade, the most prominent, and the most influential female relative in the family;
For Gu Tingcan's small tricks, Minglan does not even need to make a special counterattack, only need to continue to operate his own positive image of affinity and courtesy, and can easily reflect Gu Tingcan's "unbearable marriage" in the reputation of outsiders.
In the end, Gu Tingcan only got a momentary pleasure when he threw his face off, but he dug a pit for himself with his own hands, and it was still himself who suffered losses, and he was still worried about his own mother.
Therefore, sometimes, it seems to raise a hand and let go of others, but in fact, it is not to let go of yourself.
04 Conclusion
Gu Tingcan and Minglan, the sister-in-law, have a sharp contrast in terms of life attitude and pattern: one values emotional and spiritual short-term victories, and the other pays more attention to long-term gains in real life;
Perhaps this is also related to their different growth paths: one is the palm pearl and miss who want to be windy and rainy since childhood, and the other is a daughter who has an awkward identity and has seen the taste of life.
Life is varied, the world is varied, instead of strictly evaluating whose attitude to life must be better than whom, it is better to ask yourself about the needs of your heart, whether you are more concerned about emotional venting, or more concerned about practical interests;
Different needs will naturally bring different choices.
There is only one point, for most of us ordinary people, the so-called pattern is large and the pattern is small, the so-called victory and defeat, in fact, often can not jump out of the category of trivial matters of life; in hindsight, it is often as small as a drop in the ocean;
Therefore, as long as it is not a big problem of principle, you don't have to lose the watermelon to pick up sesame seeds;
What can be laughed through is a smile, and what should be grasped is firmly grasped; with a long eye, relaxed and measured, can live neither so hard nor so nestly.