In some public places, I occasionally see some special children, and I just look at them and then close my eyes.
Always afraid of their own gaze, it will hurt them.
Every parent of an autistic child is a warrior, and what words can show is only the tip of the iceberg of real life.
I sincerely hope that every life that is different and difficult to survive can find a way to live in harmony with fate.
- Uncle Kai
Author | Ren Pingsheng
There was a father who insisted on building a special home for his family.
So he spent 7 years saving money and 3 years studying architecture.
Finally, he built a huge glass greenhouse in the forest and a wooden house inside.
This "room-in-room" format allows his family to feel the "Mediterranean climate" even in Northern Europe.
Even in late autumn, you can eat a bunch of fresh grapes.
No matter how the four seasons change, the house is full of verdant plants.
The early morning sun shines in and the kids can work out under the transparent glass room.
The hostess took the water gun and cheerfully watered the greenery of the whole house.
While everyone was amazed by the fairy mansion, the man, Anders, told another truth:
"It was because of this natural house that I saved my family's fate."
Behind the gorgeous, exquisite and cozy, there is a story that makes all parents poke their hearts.
A glass house that actually saved an autistic son?
The story of the encounter between the man Anders and his wife is like most romantic love.
The two fell in love at first sight, complementary and sweet.
Like many newlywed couples, the two want to create their own love nest.
But how easy is it?
For seven years, the two had been saving money.
It wasn't until 1996 that they had the money to buy the land.
But this man didn't know anything, and he didn't understand architecture.
However, they have an incomparably tough faith:
"As long as we have a common goal, we are stronger than gold."
Working during the day, building houses at night, busy for more than a year.
Not long after, his wife Rosemary became pregnant.
This is a pair of dragon and phoenix tires.
Couples are too busy with their children to build cabins.
The house thing was so delayed.
Until the son Jonatan, diagnosed with autism.
The matter of building a house was once again on the agenda.
Both husband and wife were very upset.
Anders described: "Everything is like getting lost in a storm. ”
"The child is very sensitive and I'm worried about how to find the space he needs?"
After looking up a lot of information and doing a lot of checks, they realized that their son Jotana needed an environment that would allow him to relax.
Many children with autism are extremely sensitive to the outside world.
When facing the world, it is like a blind person going out of his house facing a road full of traffic, surrounded by panic and helpless.
It's no longer just a log cabin.
Anders wanted to build a different home for his children – a glass house.
"I want him to go through this house and feel the contact between his body and nature, and he can also maintain a suitable distance from the world."
The idea stemmed from an architecture book he had seen.
An architect once built a greenhouse on the outside of an ordinary house.
As a result, the house has a very mild climate.
Even in Sweden, where temperatures vary widely, you can enjoy spring-like weather throughout the year.
A glass house undoubtedly has a very good healing effect on children with autism.
You can also see the outside of the house at home, which can give a good buffer to the heart of autistic children.
"You build the house, and I'll take care of Jotana."
Building a house soon became a family's business.
Everyone in the family was involved in the design of the house.
There is a small flower on the door of Jonathan's room, symbolizing the strength of the entire family.
And this little flower was carved little by little by the child's grandfather according to the drawings.
The door is thick, made of solid wood and has good sound insulation.
Although he needed an absolutely quiet space, he also hated being confined to a small space.
So the family left a big TV room for him.
Jonathan closes the door when needed and is alone in his own space.
Walking from the path in front of the house to the lake is good for the health of autistic children.
Dad Anders would take Jonathan to the lake every day.
The child is very sensitive, and the natural house gives him shelter.
The child was lonely, and the glass window opened the world for him.
When his son, Jonathan, read the birthday card in its entirety for the first time at his birthday party, the elderly father Anders burst into tears in his laughter.
All this shows that Jonathan is recovering well.
The family's hard work paid off.
In fact, he also wanted a "perfect" son
All of this looks like a fairy tale.
However, this is not the case in real life, and his father Anders was once in trouble.
Because, he wants a more perfect child.
He was thinking about how he could play football with his children and discuss various topics together.
He wanted his son to be like him, full of thoughtful thinking, sports, and sunny enough.
"I was thinking about spending happy time with my children, but I found that everything was not what I imagined, and I completely broke down."
So he desperately searched for information.
Because, he wants to "solve" Jonathan's autism, and he wants Jonathan to learn to laugh and be sunny.
But the reality is just the opposite.
Children always love to hide in a corner and have no basic expression skills.
Unable to receive a normal education, not athletic or talkative.
The relationship between the two people was once at an impasse.
Until the silent Jonathan said a word:
"Dad, I've done so much for you, don't you feel my love?"
His son's words hurt him.
"I've tried to understand the human brain and get him to do something he can't do, but I'm actually looking for answers."
"I've always treated him as a problem. I learned later that Jonathan was not a problem we could solve. ”
He finally understood that the child could only express love in his own way.
Full acceptance, the process is not easy, but he finally did it.
His son, Jonathan's autism, made him think about the meaning of building this house and made him understand the meaning of responsibility.
Their lives are getting better with each passing day.
Anders said: "I don't know if I can change the world, but I know I can change my own world. ”
In fact, he influenced more people.
Many people who enter this glass castle will feel a sense of calm and relaxation.
A warm castle carrying memories, memories and family affection is being paid more and more attention by more and more people.
Anders also began to use the experience of building a "glass castle" to help more people and help more people to realize their living dreams.
Only when you are alive can you have the energy to drive another life
As parents, we always want our children to go to the top universities and do the most promising jobs.
But when you meet an autistic child, your expectations for the child can only become "life can take care of itself".
How hard is it to accept this bloody reality?
Relevant data show that the current number of autistic patients in China may exceed 10 million.
0-14 years old patients or more than 2 million, and at a rate of nearly 200,000 per year growth.
As the autism group in China becomes larger and larger, this special term has gradually entered everyone's field of vision.
For ordinary children, there is almost no need to learn things, but autistic children have to go through a lot of practice.
Data have shown that:
In an average second-tier city, high-density interventions cost between 6,000 and 25,000 per month.
For children with severe symptoms, parents need to give up their normal life in order to win a most ordinary life for their children.
So, someone said:
It's a bargain with God.
What can be done in the face of a reality that cannot be changed?
There is a saying in the canon of Forrest Gump:
"Life is a box of chocolates, and you never know what the next piece will taste like?"
In Sweden, a father wants his loved ones to have their own way home.
So he built the House of Nature.
Unconsciously, it amazed the whole world.
In China, there is a mother of an autistic child who does the same thing.
Because the child becomes emotionally bad in the city, autism symptoms worsen.
She got divorced, quit her high-paying job, left the city where she had lived for many years, and went to Dali with her children.
Dali is a very suitable place for autistic children to grow up, and contact with nature can effectively heal the emotions of such children.
She settled down in Dali and found a livelihood to survive on.
From a glamorous media editor-in-chief, to a small boss who opened a micro-store.
In addition, she has another identity - the founder of the Autism Support Center.
She and professionals founded an autism support center in Dali to receive autistic children from all over the country.
Because she has had so many experiences looking for special education schools, she knows how precious a place for special children can be.
After experiencing divorce, resignation, and moving, life has changed dramatically.
In a lot of social news, she is unfortunate.
But it was precisely because she moved and lived another life with her children that she found out:
It turns out that the mother-child relationship can be so relaxed and comfortable.
It is also because of the autism support center she created that many special children and desperate and powerless parents have a safe place to live.
Regarding the future of her children, she said:
In the past few years, the most important thing I have learned is to no longer compare any child horizontally, he is him, not Zhang Sanlisi.
He can only be him, so everything he has, I must accept.
She looked away:
No one prescribes that people must live the same.
She not only had a sense of relief, but also a career.
She had endured many long nights of struggle, but she had grown solid strength on top of it.
If it will be difficult in the end, how should parents deal with it?
You may not have encountered their problems.
But you must be able to understand this kind of mood:
If the child is too introverted, he will worry about whether he will be bullied in the future;
If the child does not speak all the time, he will look for a doctor everywhere to check the information to see what is wrong;
If the child develops a little slower, he can't help but start wondering if something is not done well?
……
Many times, we have tried our best, but we are still anxious all the time.
If the child will end up being different from other children.
If life is going to go through some tribulations.
What to do?
In this world, there are children who can easily walk into the middle of the crowd and shine brightly.
There are also children who need to keep practicing to get a pair of chopsticks.
In the book "Embracing You Through Loneliness", Zhang Yan, the author who has been paying attention to the autistic group, repeatedly mentioned several key words:
Change, value and love.
Face some "not the same" kids.
Whether the family can be properly raised, as well as the support and tolerance of the social environment, determines the future of these children.
Like Anders, he tries to make everything perfect for his child, but in the end he finds it all in vain.
So he began to admit:
Accept the imperfect life, the imperfect child, and only then do you begin to have a real life and love.
Mudan has a poem called Meditation:
But now, suddenly facing the grave,
I looked back a little bit at the past,
Only to see its twists and turns irrigated sorrow and joy
all disappeared into an ancient desert,
That's how I'm all about it.
But finished the ordinary life.
As long as we live this ordinary life every day, we are not our own heroes.
As long as the most sincere love is given, the child is not the happiest person in the world.
The stories of these people, though "niche," are of help to every mother and father.
No matter how difficult life is, you must tiptoe to live.
Only when parents are living and powerful people can they have the energy to drive another life.
The tragic and joyful fate of the individual is closely intertwined with the entire era.
The parents of each special child, while changing themselves, also change all aspects of society.
—— End ——
Author: Ren Pingsheng, a freelance writer, walks along the road until he turns himself into a road. Some of the pictures are from the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the original author.