During the summer vacation of my freshman year of high school, I discovered my mother's cheating. Ten years have passed, and in the eyes of outsiders, my relationship with my mother is still quite good, but in my heart, there is still a corner, there is no sunshine.
01
My mom was born in the late sixties, and she was the only surviving child of my grandparents, and she was a very old child. However, although she was an only child, her mother's entire childhood life was very difficult. Grandpa was weak and incompetent, Grandma was blind in both eyes at the age of 50, and Mom had to drop out of school and go home to take on the responsibility of supporting the family. Even then, she was a flower girl with excellent academic performance.
The experience of life has made my mother develop the characteristics of hard work, optimism, humor, good at learning and interacting with people. And a year or two later, under her diligent labor, the family was kept in order, and there was still surplus grain and surplus money. So I started to have people introducing her to her, and there were at least twenty of them, and she herself said that each of them was better than my father.
However, due to the limitations of the family conditions at that time, she could not marry outside, and could only recruit people. Although there are many people who pursue her, including many excellent people, some have stable jobs, and some can talk to her, as long as the other party does not meet the conditions for entry into excess - there are no other brothers in the family, they can only give up. In fact, she is also a little inferior in her bones, and she feels that she is inferior and unworthy of others.
When I married my dad, she was 25 years old, which was an older leftover woman at the time. So, choosing my dad was a kind of general, a mistake. When they quarreled, in front of my brother and me, she said it herself. She always said that when she married my father, the people in our village and my relatives were not optimistic, she herself went to junior high school, people are also very watery, and my father only went to the third grade of primary school, and people are more introverted, do not like to talk, do not greet people, are not diligent, and so on.
Especially the life is not very old, there are elderly people in the family, young children, and can not go out to work, she and my father quarrels are more frequent, of course, every time she is counting down my father, and my father is angry, will not return the mouth, will not fight back, can only fall on the pots and pans at home to vent anger. Whenever I see this situation, for some reason, I always feel that my mother is too much, and my words are too harsh.
At that time, my grandmother would always feel guilty, thinking that she was dragging down her daughter, and without her and grandfather, my mother would not have chosen the wrong person.
My father and my mother were the same year, he had older brothers, sisters, younger siblings, and was in the countryside on the edge of town, although the family was also poor, but he did not have my mother's mental maturity after all. In addition to the two people are not very frequent, I think there is not much of a problem, my father although Wooden, but also will not have a grudge with people, do not prefer sons to daughters. But in the impression, my mother rarely agreed, believed, or encouraged my father.
In the above context, when I was a freshman in high school, my mother cheated. The object of the derailment is her predecessor H.
02
H's family lived in a village about five kilometers from my house, and his sister and my mother had a good relationship, and they met because of it. H was still our elementary school teacher at the time, and his dad was also a retired elementary school teacher. It is said that his parents liked my mother very much at that time, but he was the only son in the family, and the two eventually separated.
Later, H married his wife from the village next door to us, and I heard that his wife was not very good to his parents and often refused to go home with him to visit the elderly. H later stopped becoming a teacher, and took his wife and children (a son and a daughter) to the county town to break out, supposedly in partnership with others to open a wood processing factory, which seemed to be more capable than my father.
How did I find out my mom was cheating? During the summer vacation of my freshman year of high school, I came home and saw our mobile phones upstairs in my room charging. At that time, my family only had one mobile phone, which was a Nokia button mobile phone that my father bought for more than 800 yuan. The mobile phone is my mother in use, usually put downstairs in my parents' room to charge, so when I saw the mobile phone charging in my room, I took a look at it, and found that there was a text message sent by a person named H to my mother, saying that he would be distressed every time he saw my mother, and also used "my beautiful wife" to call my mother. I was suspicious.
My mother's cheating was also quite "peculiar", during that time, she repeatedly took my brother who was about ten years old and H to meet in the county, and would also find one or two people as cover, and after coming home, she also told me and my dad who invited her and my brother to dinner, and gave my brother red envelopes and so on. I felt even more wrong.
During that time, she often stared at her mobile phone to send and receive text messages, and would secretly talk to H on the phone while doing farm work alone, in the dialect unique to H's village. Sometimes she was so obsessed with the call that she didn't notice my arrival, but even when she saw me, she hung up the phone without any hurry. If I tentatively ask her who she's talking to, she'll casually say she's with a former female classmate.
What's even more unusual is that on the second day of June that year, H's mother actually brought me and my brother a chicken and some eggs and rice.
We have the custom of sending chickens, rice and eggs to our grandson in the first month of June to pray for the healthy growth of children. And because my father was in the family, no one sent us these. Now, it's really strange that a person who has never been in contact with us has sent us these. Even the neighbor's aunt felt strange and asked my mother who the grandmother was and why she sent us chickens. My mother said that she had a good relationship with the grandmother's daughter before, and the grandmother still wanted to recognize her as a dry daughter and the like, so it passed.
Later, H's daughter was admitted to college and held a promotion banquet, and even invited my mother, and my mother even took my brother to attend.
Maybe then they thought no one knew about them. But no one really knew, and I wasn't sure at the time. The infidelity was determined to be after that incident.
That time, my mother went to the county hospital for examination under the pretext of abnormal menstruation. She went alone and stayed overnight in the county seat. According to the custom, people like my mother who save money will never go to a hotel to stay overnight in the county, and generally live in relatives' homes. And my mother also has a greedy and cheap problem, to participate in the wedding banquet, the host family to stay guests, their own house is not enough to live on the guest room for guests to live, there are several times, my mother will come back to the hotel used toothbrush and endless shampoo shower gel to bring home. It was this habit that I was sure she was lying about going for a gynecological exam.
I remember that day she said she was going to have a check-up, and I told her that I could check the situation in my nipples. At that time, my brother was still young, especially dependent on her, and after not seeing her for a while, he borrowed someone else's mobile phone to call her, expressed his thoughts to her and did not forget to let her buy toys, and I once again asked her on the phone to do the dairy project. At first she had a ok attitude, but then she became impatient.
The next day, she returned from the county seat, saw that she was in a good mood, and inadvertently told others about how she went to the county people's square for a walk at night, and how comfortable the life of the elderly who danced square dance at night was. As for the results of the "physical examination" I asked and which relative's house to stay at that night, she casually prevaricated. She may have thought I was a child and didn't care about my reaction, but I was seventeen years old and knew a lot of things.
After a day or two, at night, I was really angry, and through anger, I didn't care that she had just returned from working in the farmland, and in the kitchen where only me and her were there, I cried and told her that I already knew about her cheating, that she could have deceived others, but could not deceive me. She began to be surprised and said, "You don't have to be too sensitive. "Then it went out.
We don't even know where she's going, when she was still wearing water shoes for farm work. My brother and dad both asked me what was wrong, and I didn't say anything. They probably thought it was me arguing with her, and I got rid of her.
After about an hour, she came back and ate the dinner I had made, and nothing seemed to happen.
What's even more infuriating is that a week later, H actually brought a few people to my house, and my father was not at home that day, and I didn't know why I went. Along with H was my elementary school math teacher, who was very poor in math at the time, but my Language was often among the best, so I had no feelings for this teacher, not to mention that he came to my house with H. At that time, my mother kept telling me to come out and greet these elders, and I was even more angry and didn't want to move. Finally she said, "Didn't the teacher who taught you bark?" So I had to call out "teacher" and go on doing my thing. At this time, H walked in, looked at me, and after finding my disdain for him, he only said to my mother, "Your daughter really looks very smart." Then they left.
So I guessed that my mother must have told H about them and I found out.
03
The next year, that summer, in order to make our family better, my father followed my uncle and they went out to work. I had forgotten a little about what happened the previous year, and I thought my mom would cut off Ties with H because of me, but it didn't.
On a normal day, my mom got a phone call, hung up after just a few words, seemed to hear the other person say something like "they're coming", I asked who called, and she was as casual as ever. Then two people came into my house, not anyone else, it was H's wife and daughter.
My mother told me to pour water for them, and I was just about to pour water when the aunt said angrily that they didn't drink water, they just said one thing and left. It turned out that H's wife had seen all the text messages H and my mom had sent and were still holding them in her hand. She accused my mom of:
"Sending these to people with families is clearly destroying other people's families, and they are also people with families, and doing such things... If you keep going, I'll quit, and when the time comes, let you roll on the bed, you can do whatever... Now that you have a chance, your husband has gone to work again, which is more convenient for private meetings... Last year you were selling watermelons in the county town, and he brought you breakfast every day, and even my son could see it, and my son said that he knew that his father was interested in that woman, that I was stupid, and that I only knew now..."
Under the repeated bombardments, my mother said a total of one or two sentences, and she said that she and H just talked. So the other party said, "I can't send such a text message when I can talk, and I can't send you breakfast every day..."
Her daughter was also next to help: "Auntie, I also use the Internet, and I also have friends of the opposite sex who can talk, but we definitely don't chat like you." Then he picked up the phone and said to me, "Sister, you see, this is definitely not a normal chat." ”
She tried to show me their evidence, and I ignored them and said nothing more than "I don't look." So her mother said to her again, "You see how smart people are, even if they are like you, adults do not care about adults' affairs." ”
My mother just sat there silently, expressionless. And I, apart from being landless, have no reaction. Fortunately, it was just me and my mother at home, and my brother went out to play.
It took about twenty minutes before they left.
This incident made me very disappointed in my mother, and I think it was because she did not listen to my reminders that someone came to the door a year later to accuse and humiliate.
After returning to school after the holidays, this matter will affect me from time to time, I even thought about getting her and dad divorced, and then I went back to his house with my dad; I also thought about what means to get H's phone, and then call anonymously to intimidate him...
I was quite sensitive, and during that time, I was often out of shape to study. In the end, the college entrance examination did not enter the second book, only one college.
04
After going to college, due to the relatively low academic pressure, I had a relatively relaxed and happy life. And this thing seems to have passed like this, but it did not.
I remember it was the National Day of my sophomore year, the school was off, and I went home for a few days. I don't remember what caused it, but I had a verbal altercation with my mother, and I cried and said to her, "Because of what happened before, I don't think I want to get married in my life." "After saying that, I packed my bags and went out.
Two or three hours later, I sat on the bus back to school and received a text message from my mother, she said that she regretted it, was ashamed, believed the flattering words of others, brought me a bad influence, she apologized to me, but did not dare to ask for my forgiveness, and finally she still hoped that her daughter could find her own happiness in the future... Seeing this, my tears couldn't stop falling...
To this day, that incident is completely over. At that time, except for me, no one else in my family should know, and H and his family lived in the county all year round, a distance of forty or fifty kilometers from us, and no one outside should know about it, at least no one talked about it.
In recent years, because my mother began to contact the Internet, the information she paid attention to every day was various, she began to change, began to have greater tolerance and acceptance of people and things, began to slowly discover the advantages of my father, began to affirm and praise my father, and my father even learned to use humorous words at this time.
With the death of my grandparents and the growth of my children and the departure of my children, my mother began to deeply realize that in the future, when her children started a family, the number of times they would return to their hometowns would be less and less, and she could only rely on my father to support each other, so she relied on my father more than before. Only at this time, they were all over half a hundred years old.
Although the present life seems to have a feeling of quiet years, although I love my mother very much, I still feel that my love for her is always covered with a layer of gray, as if I need to keep this secret all the time. I also knew that she didn't get warm love from my father, so she begged for it. If this kind of thing happens to others, we seem to be more understanding and tolerant, but when it happens to our own family, it is always difficult to reconcile, it is difficult to reconcile with her in the past, and it is difficult to reconcile with my seventeen-year-old me.
I know it's time to say goodbye to this "shadow", but how can I get out better, and in what way, so that I don't have a feeling of forbearance? I do not know.
Wei Wei replied:
What do we ordinary people rely on to make decisions in our daily lives?
It's emotions, not intelligence, logic, reason.
The one who can use reason to make decisions is a great man. But great men are also influenced by emotions, so the most typical is Lincoln, who knows that it is often wrong to make decisions when emotions are intense, so whenever he is angry, he forces himself not to make decisions and wait a day or two before reconsidering.
Understanding this law and being able to apply it will be of great help to our lives.
As far as the matter of derailment is concerned, whether it is the derailed party or the derailed party, when the matter is exposed, both sides are in the most emotional moment, and the decisions made at this time are often extreme.
Mostly want to get a divorce.
But can divorce lead to happiness in life?
Arguably, most won't.
But why leave?
Emotion prompts.
You can ask those over 60 years old who are in good marriage, ask them if they also want to divorce, how they feel at that time and what their mood is now.
In fact, all people can be summed up in one word:
Time has changed.
Many people can't survive the dangerous period of marriage, and the heroine mother has survived the dangerous period of marriage.
During the time of her infidelity, she must have fantasized about marrying a lover;
If her cheating is discovered by her husband, it is difficult to say that she can smooth the transition.
But now, even if her husband knew, it wouldn't make too much waves, because, with the passage of time, the fierce emotion of betrayal was gone.
The first article of this story is to let everyone know that there are "time-dependent" changes in our lives.
How does the heroine explain herself?
Everyone's marriage choice, put into a lifetime to see, there is no "take advantage" of lying to win.
Marrying with better conditions than oneself, being in a lower position, often having to pay more in marriage;
Marrying someone with worse conditions than yourself, always feeling that you can match better, and feeling lost inside;
The gap between good conditions and poor conditions is often the "marriage dividend" of the party with good conditions, whether it is emotional or family payment, it will often be on the side of enjoyment. Of course, this gap will change.
When this gap has been between the two people, the party with good conditions will be unbalanced internally if the party with good conditions does not get enough dividend compensation in marriage, so it will have to find a way to make up for it.
The fundamental law of marriage is the word "balance".
From this point of view, the heroine can understand her mother.
But she balanced herself, but found that between you and your brother, there was an imbalance again.
She's sorry for you.
So back, good to you, good to your dad.
Your father was flattered, you were a foot closer to me, I was close to you, and your father became more grateful to your mother.
So your parents' feelings are getting better and better.
Of course, you and your brother are also angry. Old age, the happiness of the child is the happiness of the old man, the greatest comfort of the old man, as for the rest, it is all floating clouds.
When you can look at your parents from this dynamic balance perspective and understand the inevitability, what else is there to worry about?
Your dad doesn't mind, what else do you mind? Besides, women should be more able to understand women, and under the premise that marriage and family are almost not damaged, and even have gains, your mother's life has not become richer!
In my opinion, an imperfect life is perfect; a life that is too perfect is boring, but it is not perfect.
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