Today I'm going to talk about appearance anxiety and share how I overcame it.
Yes, Mei Jie once had severe appearance anxiety.
The reasons must be traced back to the experience of growing up. When I was a child, I belonged to the kind of cute baby, the neighbor's uncle, aunt, and even strangers would come to tease me when they saw it.
When I was a child, the picture was slightly pasty, after all, it was a bit old
But in adolescence, suddenly fat, coupled with the fact that there was no sunscreen at that time, after a military training in junior high school, it became particularly dark, and when the reaction came, it was already 160cm tall and 120 pounds of weight, and I was only in the second year of junior high school.
When I was a child, it was popular to take nicknames, and from the second year of junior high school to the third year of high school, my nickname was "fat". Even when my mother took me to buy clothes, she would directly ask people for the most size, and the clothes I liked, she would directly say: "You can't wear them." ”
Over time, it became more and more inferior, and even formed a flattering personality, junior high school girlfriends said that I have a good personality, boys joked with me, said I was fat, I was not angry, always laughing, but in fact, at that time my inner thoughts were: I am not qualified to be angry, because I am not good-looking, so I must have a good personality, everyone likes me.
So until college, talking about love, flattering personality is really played to the extreme, always think that doing a small low can keep "love", until a boyfriend broke up with me and said: "You look at your looks, do you think you can match me?" ”
In my junior year, I weighed 120+ pounds
Later, I started losing weight, started skincare, started buying beautiful clothes, enjoyed my former friends, and when I saw me again, I said, "How did you lose weight like this?" ”
But do I really accept myself? Not really!
I hate my muscular legs, I hate my pores, I hate those godless eyes after I take off my contact lenses... So I can eat only a few slices of bread a day to lose weight, even if the low blood sugar almost faints; I can wear beautiful pupils every day from morning to night for the sake of bright eyes, even if the eyes are inflamed and dry; I can insist on wearing makeup every day, even if it is a long-distance flight or a red-eye flight.
So why can't I accept myself in my 20s, but at 35, I accept myself?
First, I started accepting that I was just an ordinary person.
There are some very beautiful girls around me, really so beautiful that girls can't help but admire, but they are still not very satisfied with their appearance.
Every day on TV, on mobile phones, all kinds of immortal goddesses, frozen age miracles, or A4 waist, ant legs ... It's really hard not to be anxious.
Our circle is even more, every day to face the supermodels, female stars, fashion bloggers, one more beautiful than the other, one thinner than the other.
Of course, it's not that everyone shouldn't be good-looking, but when I don't turn a corner in self-acceptance, I inevitably get anxious about it.
There is a voice in my heart that always says: How can everyone do, why are you not good enough?
Now think about it, is the so-called "female competition", in addition to the influence of the patriarchal society, there is also a sense of female self-aggression at work?
With such a mentality, it is really easy for people to unconsciously "roll up".
When I first entered the industry, I once interviewed a female star, the brand side was particularly enthusiastic, asked us to take a photo with the female star, and the photo showed that my face was the size of the two female stars.
Not only in the face of female celebrities anxiety, but also in the face of male celebrities are also panicked.
At a dinner party at the Berlin Film Festival, everyone took selfies with Zhang Zhen one by one, and the brand friends saw me sitting still, thinking that I was shy, so they enthusiastically pulled me to take a selfie with Zhang Zhen, but who understood that I was just afraid of showing my face, so I finally deliberately cut off half of my face.
Take a photo with Zhang Zhen without a repair picture, by the way, Zhang Zhenren is particularly good
In fact, many girls around us who are not in our circle will also be like this, are there also girls around who are obviously very thin, but always feel fat and want to lose weight?
As I got older, I began to realize that upward contrast only increased my anxiety. I will never have liu wen's height and figure, I will never have the appearance of Di Lieba... So I just have to try to put myself in a better, more relaxed state, and don't have to demand that every part be perfect, after all, most of us are just ordinary people.
Second, reconcile with the part I'm most unhappy with.
I hated my trapezius and calf muscles, and I used to think about getting botulism. But ever since I started working out and practicing boxing, I've fallen in love with my muscles.
The muscles in my legs make my kicks harder, and the trapezius muscles make me punch harder.
Show everyone the muscles during the live broadcast
Since I can't change the genes, then I will change the aesthetic. Fitness is really a good way, once felt "thin = beautiful" I, since the fitness began to accept fullness and curves, in the gym to see the fat girl hard look, I also feel beautiful and cute.
You will find that you are not so harsh on yourself, and you will not judge others with a critical eye.
Finally, I often ask myself whether the motivation to become beautiful comes from fear or from wanting to be better.
You may ask, is self-acceptance and overcoming appearance anxiety equivalent to giving up beauty? Isn't that a broken jar broken? Of course not!
Now Meijie will still exercise for the sake of a firm body, use the best skin care products to fight wrinkles, and buy beautiful clothes for the sake of saving money. But the source of these is not because of fear and anxiety.
In fact, the way to distinguish is very simple, my way is to look at myself in the mirror and feel the emotions of the moment. For example, in terms of body shape, you can stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself, ask yourself, what is it like to see yourself in the mirror? Rejected? mortified? Inferiority? I still think that although there is some small extra meat, it is also quite cute, and if you work hard, you can get better.
It is recommended that you do not make yourself beautiful based on fear and anxiety, so that it is easy to give up because you can't see the immediate effect. There may also be some extreme psychology, such as Mei Jie knows a friend on plastic surgery addiction, the whole face has moved 46 times, because he can always find out what is not pleasing to his eyes, although I think he is already very handsome.
"Getting better" because of fear has a characteristic: the happiness in the process is short-lived, but the anxiety will continue to escalate.
Somewhere better today, happy for 2 hours, a little better tomorrow, happy for 1 hour, the day after tomorrow gets better, happy at most half an hour.
Hard work, but the original intention is not right, "the happiness of getting better" has a big hole at the bottom, like a monster that can't eat enough, constantly forcing you to feed, not feeding, tossing you, feeding, its appetite is bigger.
Then one day, when one day, one day, one reaches the "standard that no matter how hard one tries," one will collapse.
In life, don't find your own guilt.
Finally, Zhao Wei's "Magic Mirror of Hearing Her Say" has a sentence that Mei Jie wants to give to everyone: "I am not perfect, perfect is pale." I was perfect, perfect for myself. ”