In just over 40 years, Shenzhen has transformed from a small fishing village into an international metropolis, staging an amazing shenzhen speed.
A city with an efficient, fast-paced background, people living here seem to need to expand rapidly like balloons and walk side by side with the city.
But while everyone is making themselves efficient, the psychological burden is also increasing invisibly - people are not machines, even if they are filled with oil and rush forward, they will inevitably have to occasionally make a sharp brake.
Xu Lin worked as a psychological counselor in Shenzhen for 3 years, and in three years, she saw the anxiety and distress of many Shenzhen people, which is another background of the city.
Perhaps from her narrative, we can better understand the relationship between the city and the individual.
Here's her statement.
01
Shenzhen people are anxious about money:
If you can't get money, it's meaningless
After coming to Shenzhen, I learned that everyone would have the anxiety of making money.
In this city, there may be a need for growth, such as broadening your horizons and making friends at a higher level – but in the end, these conceptual benefits ultimately have a realistic foothold:
That's money.
What will happen in the atmosphere of "making money"? The first is mental scarcity, like some people will say, feel that they are thinking about how to improve their income every day, and when they are idle, they suddenly do not know what they are going to do, very panicked.
It can be understood that there is no life outside of "making money".
You are in Shanghai and Beijing, people are talking about which café is delicious, which store has a new style of clothes today, how to match clothes, these are all related to life.
But in Shenzhen, I feel like all I hear is funds, outlets and entrepreneurship.
When I was a psychologist, the people in Shenzhen talked about the workplace and money the most, and there were very few things to live. One example of what life is is love.
I do counseling in other cities, and many people may suffer for half a day because of love problems, but in Shenzhen, it seems that few people will bother with love.
I feel that it really confirms the sentence: "Shenzhen girls, who have no heart to fall in love, only want to make money."
Maybe in a sense, what is consumed in love is a waste of time. If you have to pay the cost of time, you may not be able to be together in the end, so why bother?
In the eyes of Shenzhen people, love may be an extremely cost-effective investment.
Another point brought about by "making money" is the narrowing of one's own evaluation. In Shenzhen, you can get money and buy a house, which is real success.
But for those ordinary white-collar workers, even if they work in Shenzhen for a hundred years, they may not be able to afford to buy a house in Shenzhen.
They would tell me that they felt like they had failed and that nothing had been done here.
But when we talk to each other carefully, everyone ignores what they get here—a friend who can talk to a lot, a book that the family loves, or I've gone from being an introvert to being very communicative.
These are all successful, but they are hidden by the single criterion of "making money".
And many times it is also because of the pressure of the same generation, others in the business, speculation in stock funds, engaged in e-commerce, can make millions at every turn, their own, still working for others, money invested in the fund, a wake up is green.
They are all people, how can there be such a big difference?
But the word money is actually very broad, and there is no specific quantitative standard. For yourself, how much money do you have to get to be satisfied?
In fact, man's desires are filled with dissatisfaction, and if he gets a million, he wants ten million, and the gully of desire will never be filled.
In the final analysis, the anxiety of making money is still compared to others. Maybe I didn't have a bad life, and it was already very good to stay in this city, but as soon as I competed with others, my heart began to panic.
Another point is that many people will feel that I came to Shenzhen to give up family and love, work from Monday to Friday, and charge and study on weekends, I have paid so much, just to get money this goal.
After making so many sacrifices, or taking such a little salary, it will feel very unworthy and produce a strong sense of dislocation.
I have always maintained a neutral attitude towards "making money", for many people, getting money, being able to stand on their feet, being able to climb to a higher level, and making money is his way out in this city.
The key point is to grasp the balance. Leaving some space outside of work, staying for 10 minutes, and picking up your hobbies are part of the self and the fulcrum of life.
02
Shenzhen people "chicken baby" anxiety:
"Chicken Baby" is also "Chicken" itself
I don't do much about teenagers, but many parents will bring their children to counseling.
Some children are bored with school and skip school, and parents feel helpless and do not know what to do, which is one thing;
On the other hand, we call "chicken baby", parents feel that their children's grades are not good, very anxious, in fact, children can get more than 90 points, parents are not satisfied.
Children's boredom with school is a consequence, not a cause. This symptom may be a problem with the relationship with his peers, or difficulties in adapting to the school and teachers, which may cause the child not to want to go to school.
More importantly, it is necessary to go back to the child's growth experience, stretch the timeline, and find a deeper reason.
"Chicken baby" is often a parent who projects his anxiety to his child, hoping to alleviate his own survival pressure through the way of "chicken baby".
It's easy to understand that most of the "chicken babies" are middle-class families — the middle class has fewer resources than the wealthy class, and doesn't have a strong sense of belonging relative to those at the bottom.
In general, the upward passage is narrow, and the opening that falls down is very large.
Therefore, this anxiety will naturally extend to the child. In a sense, not only the "chicken" is the child, but also the parents themselves.
If you analyze it in depth, most of the middle-class families in Shenzhen, whose parents are the pioneers of this city, may have come out of the countryside or county to work hard, step by step to today's position.
They will have a sense of hardship in themselves, they will tell their children at the dinner table how difficult they were before, in their view, "chicken baby" is not oppression, but love you.
I didn't have this condition to study at that time, and now the family gives you everything good, what reason is there to complain about being tired?
In fact, learning is self-motivated, not on others whipping you.
Parents can talk about their previous experiences, but don't mention it often, or exaggerate it too much, because when the child receives it, he will take learning as a responsibility – I love my parents, so I have to study hard.
Rather than saying, I really want to gain experience and knowledge from learning.
Wasn't there a data on Weibo before that said that the proportion of adolescents suffering from depression was as high as 24.6%? We also have teenagers here for counseling.
Some children have somatic symptoms, that is, they feel nauseous as soon as they go to school, want to vomit or feel dizzy, in short, the body is uncomfortable.
Each child has a different reason for formation, but I think there is an impact of the environment, "chicken baby" or "inner volume", which is a long-term repeated pressure, which is very suffocating.
Many children also have a sense of nothingness and feel that life is meaningless. This is also a consequence that the "chicken baby" may bring, the parents put their expectations on the child, the child does it, but walks and finds that something is wrong:
I didn't want to live like this at all, I never chose it.
What we have to do is to really figure out what parents expect from their children.
Is this expectation realistic? Is the ability of parents to come out of the "chicken baby" and "chicken" really support the child's foothold in the future?
This is a complex issue that is worth exploring.
03
Workplace anxiety of Shenzhen people:
A day without studying will make it uncomfortable
Shenzhen people's workplace anxiety is also very serious.
The most common consultation is about KPIs. As a company, I have my own profit needs, as a worker, he will feel that the KPI is too high, I can't finish, beyond my own ability.
Then there is the misalignment.
As psychological counselors, the solution we give is not to say, it's okay, then you lie flat, rest when you're tired, and don't be too embarrassed about yourself.
It is not through this way of avoidance in exchange for a kind of psychological comfort, which is not helpful to the patient.
We'll guide him, first of all, the company set this KPI, is it really beyond your ability?
After all, this performance is on average, and the goals set according to the abilities of most employees are universal.
So, it may be that you yourself are working with a very negative mentality, or you do not like the job yourself, then you may be considering whether to quit or not.
Many times, it's anxiety that keeps us stagnant.
Sartre has a saying that action determines the essence. You have to act, put yourself into life and work, before you have an answer.
Always indulging in emotions and not solving any problems.
Shenzhen people are also quite interesting, that is, they are very anxious about time.
They will always feel that 24 hours a day, the time is short, I must maximize the utility, I want to recharge, I want to learn, can not waste a little time.
For example, some people, he will feel that although it is a weekend, I have been lying at home all day, doing nothing, and I feel very guilty.
I had to take some finance lessons, learn some English, and fill up the time.
Including coming to us for counseling, everyone's state is more impatient, I hope that my psychological problems will be solved as soon as possible, do not occupy too much time for me, and it is best to solve them as soon as possible.
The problem is that learning for anxiety is an ineffective form of learning.
Behind this behavior is to alleviate anxiety through learning, but you can clearly feel that when you learn, it is not a state of commitment, and the last thing you absorb is limited.
I think this anxiety is a kind of background color in Shenzhen. The pace is fast, the competition is stressful, everyone is afraid of being eliminated, and they must do something and surpass something.
Shenzhen has changed from a first-tier city in just 40 years, and people living here also have to adapt to this rhythm, a bit like the hormone chicken in a fast food store, to inflate itself in just a few months.
Shenzhen people will have this feeling: maybe I can also slow down, or I don't have to adapt to this fast-moving mode.
But subconsciously, it will still constantly urge itself, increase its horsepower, and integrate itself into the city.
//
In Xu Lin's view, making money, the workplace and "chicken babies" - these anxieties, are all in the fast-paced life, constantly extended, all grow in a soil, and the flowers are different.
What psychologists do is help people occasionally jump out of this high-speed machine and get some kind of mental balance and self-consistency.
"We don't help people escape, we make them better fit into life now."
Remarks: At the request of the interviewee, the character is a pseudonym. (The views expressed in this article represent only one of these perspectives, and are welcome to discuss.) ）
Image source: ShenzhenWeekly
This article was originally published by Shenzhen Micro Time
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