introduction
In the "Augmentation of the Sages", it is written: "The poor are no one in the downtown area, and the rich have distant relatives in the mountains; if they do not believe and look at the wine in the cup, the cup first respects the rich." "A word that breaks the psychology of feeling poor and loving the rich in the depths of people's hearts sounds very sad, but the reality is indeed so cruel, few people in interpersonal communication will talk about morality, and everywhere is the exchange of interests.
01
Ever since Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty adopted Dong Zhongshu's scholarship to "depose hundreds of families and exalt Confucianism alone", the mainstream of Chinese thought has mainly come from Confucianism. But the true practicality of Confucianism is not necessarily high, especially in terms of interpersonal communication. Whether it is a member of the imperial court or a pawn of a peddler, the first thing for everyone is survival. If you do not understand interpersonal communication, you will be excluded from any circle, which may lead to the end of political careers for officials and the unsustainable livelihood of ordinary people. Therefore, the one who can really mix in life is never a perfect and square gentleman.
▲Portrait photo of Dong Zhongshu
Although everyone yearns for righteousness and integrity whenever they talk about it, when the object of righteousness is oneself, presumably few people can be willing. In the end, fame is for others, and life is for yourself. Zi Yue: "A gentleman is a righteous person, and a villain is a profit." This means that the true gentleman never talks about interests, and everything he thinks and measures is righteousness, while the villain, on the contrary, will be preoccupied with interests. From the perspective of Confucianism, all sentient beings are probably "little people", so in the spirit of "it is better to offend a gentleman than a villain", we should not forget the "benefits" that exist in interpersonal communication, at least not to disregard the "interests" of others.
▲Portraits of ancient people
Although the common people who did not have the opportunity to study in ancient times could not summarize these great truths, but the three thousand avenues, the truths are common, so the interpersonal wisdom that the ordinary people themselves have summed up in their lives are preserved in the form of colloquialisms. For example, there is a saying: "Relatives are only afraid of their relatives being poor, and neighbors are only afraid of their neighbors being rich." "It's very interesting, so what is the meaning of this saying, what is the truth? In this regard, experts said that this is a philosophical approach to the world, and it is less to suffer losses in the early understanding. Let's take a look.
02
First of all, let's look at "relatives are only afraid of relatives being poor." The so-called "poor in the downtown area no one asks, rich in the mountains have distant relatives", in the final analysis, is snobbery. Snobbery is the inferior root of human beings that is difficult to eradicate, after all, no one has no good and bad thoughts in their hearts, if they can have external help to save themselves a lot of energy, why not enjoy it? As for the pursuit of profit and avoidance of harm, it is the instinct of animals, after all, for biological individuals, survival is always the first.
▲ Photos of relatives visiting the door
Relatives are the circle of communication linked by blood relations, and the special feature of this circle is that it can accommodate different classes. After all, a family is always expanding without accidents, and everyone's life experience will be different, so there may be a situation from the same family but the identity is very different, the most typical representative is a foreign relative. For example, the ancient emperor chose the daughter of the lower or even the lower family as a concubine for various considerations, so it is not surprising that the woman's father and brother and other relatives suddenly transitioned from commoners to nobles, and there are all kinds of absurd actions under the huge gap. However, having said that, the rotten debts of these foreign relatives bullying men and women are all counted on the head of the emperor, which is not a trouble for the emperor?
▲ Poor relatives photo
For the emperor, poor relatives are troublesome, but for officials, why not? There is a way that "the seven officials in front of the prime minister's door" can run amok even the slaves around them, so how can the poor relatives who come to rely on them be overly restrained? These poor relatives really can't beat and scold, and they have to worry all day long about causing trouble.
Ordinary people naturally do not have such troubles, but poor relatives are also very annoying. Because although they can't bully others, they can borrow money from you. And this kind of borrowing still has no return, who will feel better when it is used as a cash machine? And if you don't borrow, you will be criticized by others, saying that you can't even pay for a few meals, and you can't be authentic. No one's money comes from the wind, and once the precedent is set, poor relatives will smell the wind, is this not a blunt knife cutting meat?
▲ The old man who helps the neighbor sell fruit
Look at "neighbors are only afraid of their neighbors getting rich." The so-called "distant relatives are not as good as close neighbors", neighbors are often more reliable than distant relatives, especially in the countryside, everyone looks down and does not look up, usually which family has difficulties, neighbors will help each other, friendship is accumulated over time. For ordinary people, the circle of life is mainly neighborly exchanges, so the move from house to house will be very frequent. If the wealth and status of two families are not equal, who would like to welcome a poor person into the house? Who wants to visit the homes of the poor? So this will become the source of many contradictions. On the contrary, if the two families have equal wealth and status, and have the same life concept and topic, they will naturally be very harmonious together.
epilogue
In the final analysis, in fact, the most harmonious circle is still the circle of fame and fortune, in which everyone has the same wealth status, and there is not much scruple and suspicion in the interaction between each other. Whether it is a circle of relatives or a circle of neighbors, there will be a gap in status, although there is a blood or geographical ties, it will feel awkward to get along. Therefore, in our daily communication, we should still try to be in our own suitable circle, so that we will not have many troubles.
Resources:
"Augmenting the Sages"
The Analects