I'm 26 years old, a girl, working at a county hospital. Boyfriend is 25 years old. Our two families are in very average condition, and his family is slightly better than my family. My boyfriend and I met at a freshman meeting and had a crush on each other at the time.
I have had low self-esteem since I was a child. Although he is not tall, he is quite handsome, has good grades, and has studied the best clinical medicine major in our school, and it is said that many girls liked him in high school.
For more than ten days of first acquaintance, he would talk to me every day, and he could feel his liking for me outside of his words. Because of my low self-esteem, I didn't dare to take the initiative, and I didn't show enthusiasm, so he was a little withdrawn.
Later, I was still brave, and I used my girlfriend's QQ to ask him how he felt about me. He said he was moved, so we were officially together that day.
After we were together, I was quite good, I lost my temper when I didn't say a word, hung up on him when I was not happy, and he called back over and over again. Basically every day was bumpy. He often said that I only had the ability to cry, and it was true, crying, making trouble, hanging, coaxing him, asking him to accompany, relying on him for everything in life, and calling him for everything.
He went to play basketball and didn't answer my phone, I was angry; I didn't accompany me to self-study at night, I was also angry, in short, I wanted to hang on to him all the time. In those years of college, he was very good to me, but we basically had a small quarrel for three days, a big fight for five days, a breakup at both ends in three days, and a pull on each other when it was serious, and once my arm was bruised by him, and I was also looking for death.
When I was a senior, I was preparing to go to graduate school, and he was going to study outside the school, although it was in the same city, but it was also a small place. I'm not used to it without him. He practiced in the hospital during the day, took theory class at night, and generally left class around 10 o'clock at night, but I didn't care, I had to ride a bicycle to the school to see me, I cried if I didn't come, and then when I finished reading the book, sent me back to the dormitory, he rode back to the hospital.
After graduating from college, I prepared for the examination for the public institution, and when I interviewed and trained, I quarreled with him again, thinking that I would not know anything, he beat me for the first time, I wanted to run away from home, and I was pulled back by him and back.
Later, he borrowed 5,000 yuan from his family, plus 5,000 yuan from my family to sign up for a training class, and finally I interviewed and came to the hospital where I am now working. I always remember this, and I thank my boyfriend and his parents.
He studied clinical medicine in a five-year program, graduating a year later than me.
I stayed in City A, and we discussed that he would stay in City A as well. As a result, at the medical recruitment meeting in the year of his graduation, our provincial capital B City Hospital wanted him and agreed to let him go to graduate school and return to the hospital after finishing his studies.
Originally, the job he was looking for made many people envious, but the two cities were separated by hundreds of kilometers, and I was afraid that I would be alone in the future, so I also cried and cried. Now think about it, I have been really under-pumped over the years, I have no brains, I can't solve the problem well, I will only cry. Later, he promised me that if I took the A city again, I would not go to the B city if I was admitted.
By the way of his wishes, he was admitted to a school in City A as a teacher. In this way he had two choices: doctors were his favorite profession and would certainly develop well, but I don't know if there would be a future; when a teacher would stay with me, but the teacher was neither his beloved nor good at it. His parents want him to go to City B, and I want him to stay. He also wanted to go to City B, but because of me, he was determined to fight his parents.
My parents were angry with him, and I compromised, so I let him go to City B. But instead he got angry and blamed me for changing my mind. We had a big fight over that. On his way to pay the damages, he called and asked me how I had decided. I said I don't care, you decide for yourself. These words made him extremely angry. In the end, he lost the liquidated damages and stayed in the A city. After this incident, there was a thorn between me and him.
We often quarreled over this, and he blamed me, saying that I had given up his future; and I felt that I had finally given up the choice to him, and it was his own decision. He was even more angry when he heard this, saying that I forced me to make this decision in the end, and he went against my parents' wishes for me, but I had no conscience and often quarreled with him.
In November, he was sent to the countryside by the school to stay in the township for two years. He did a short job as a parent every day in the village committee, getting farther and farther away from his medical profession, and he was becoming more and more unhappy, doing things he didn't like, and he couldn't see the future, he was confused and anxious.
I saw his pain, and I deeply felt that I was too selfish, so I advised him to give up being a teacher and find a job in the hospital. However, the staff could not take the career exam, and could only resign and take the exam again, and his parents did not agree, thinking that the risk was too great.
Later he has been living in the entanglement. Sometimes I think about being a teacher for a vacation, although the salary is low, but it is not bad; sometimes I feel that I have given up my profession, and I am very reluctant; but let him resign from scratch, he does not have the courage. He was very entangled, and every time he struggled, I followed the pain once.
Since then, I have stopped pushing him to make any decisions. If I say too much, he says I want to force him back to the hospital; says less, he feels I don't care about him. The arguments kept going on, I didn't know what he was trying to do, and I was exhausted. The only thing you can do is to see him more during breaks.
Last February, on the train back to my hometown, I met a boy and called him M. I didn't notice him at first, and when I got out of the car, he followed me and didn't speak until I went down the stairs, and then he said, "Let me help you with your luggage." That's how we met, added WeChat. Later I learned that M and I were fellow countrymen, 25 years old, single.
According to him, he watched me all the way, watched me watch TV, watched me laugh. He didn't know what to say either, but just secretly looked at me, and he avoided him when I looked up. Similar to the regular plot, we chatted on WeChat, he gave my circle of friends likes and comments, I can clearly feel that he has a good feeling for me. He said that he saw that I was very friendly to the children on the train, thought I was kind, said that I laughed cutely, and he immediately liked me, so he chased after me for WeChat, afraid that he would never see me again. I said, "I have a boyfriend, off-site." He said that no matter what, he hoped to see each other again in the future.
A little over a month later, I messaged that I liked him too. He was surprised and happy and asked, "What if you have a boyfriend?" I said, "Whatever this is." He said, "Then I'll wait." "But I don't know what kind of magic I have, but I can't wait." In early April, I secretly went to his city to meet him without my boyfriend. The train at night, arriving at the station at 4 a.m., let him come in and pick me up.
When I got to the station, he sent a message to tell me that he was waiting for me at the exit gate. He didn't reply to me in time, which means that he didn't want to see me so much, I couldn't think of a station, I directly bought a ticket to turn back, but I finally went to see me without a fight. It was already 5 o'clock when we got to the hotel, we sat talking, and he went to work at dawn.
After he got off work, we went to where he lived for a while and then went back to the hotel to chat, hoping to hold my hand and talk. He said his parents were not in harmony and divorced after years of tearing, in his college, which was his darkest days. The family grew rich from a small wealth to a large debt of more than 100,000 yuan, and he also became disliked to communicate with people. I was heartbroken and lamented that he was not easy. He hugged me later, and I took the initiative to kiss him, only to learn that he was the first kiss. His beard pricked me uncomfortably, and he kept saying that he didn't know how to kiss. Finally we lay in bed, talked and fell asleep when we were sleepy. Because he was on a business trip that day, I went back.
After meeting him, I felt very guilty about my boyfriend, and told M to break it off and don't contact him, so I deleted his WeChat. But he called me again, and later came to see me.
A few days after M left, my boyfriend also came to see me, and just as M called me, I was discovered by my boyfriend. I had to confess that I had a crush on him. The boyfriend broke down and left me to choose for myself. I promised him that he would break up, wouldn't be in touch again, and called M on the spot.
Since then, my boyfriend has stopped trusting me so much, always asking me if I'm still in touch, and calling every day on video to ask me what I'm doing. M said he respected my choice, but would not give up. He begged me, he could not send a message, but leave a contact information anyway. He also said that he could wait for me, it didn't matter if he couldn't wait, at least he had an expectation in his heart, even if he could see me again when he was old. I told M that I couldn't bear his sincerity and couldn't give him complete love. M said he didn't care, after all, he met me late, but he waited, as long as I didn't get married for a day, even if I didn't give him a commitment, he was willing, that was his own choice.
So I didn't break it off later, and Twice my boyfriend found out that we were still in touch. The boyfriend mentioned breaking up, I did not agree, and repeatedly promised not to contact. But no matter how well the assurance, no matter how firm the determination, as soon as M came to me, I was shaken again.
Ever since I met M, the pain is greater than the pleasure, and how many tossing and turning nights, thinking that I have failed the hearts of two men, I feel guilty.
I have a particularly good girlfriend, we were in the same school from junior high school to college, so she had a good relationship with my boyfriend, and every time she had a fight with her boyfriend, she said that I was not. In June, my girlfriend was nagging me to play with her. Girlfriend and M are in the same city, I have selfish intentions, just go. After the meeting, my girlfriend saw that I had been holding the mobile phone to send messages, so she snatched my mobile phone and asked me to send a message to M saying that there was an emergency and gave me ten thousand transfers. M immediately transferred 5000 to me, then transferred 3600, and sent me a screenshot of the bank card, saying that he had just worked and only had this little money. The girlfriend did not cling and said that she wanted to delete him. He said, don't bother me anymore. I looked a little angry, he said that he wanted to be with me, to wait for me, but this resistance he backed down, I returned the money to him.
M had always wanted to play with us, but my girlfriend didn't agree at first. The next morning, the girlfriend agreed again. After M arrived, his girlfriend embarrassed him everywhere. In the morning, without waiting for him to eat, he ran with us hungry; when we went to the park, everyone took a taxi, and he rode alone. Neither her girlfriend nor her boyfriend gave him a good look. Eventually, M felt embarrassed and left on his own.
I bought a train ticket for the night on the day I left. My girlfriend was afraid that I would go to see M, and when the train was close to leaving, she asked me to send her a photo to prove that I was on the train and sent the train ticket information to my boyfriend.
I changed my ticket on the way to the train station and went to find M. That night, M and I did everything. But I wasn't very happy, but I felt a deep sense of guilt. I lied to my girlfriend and I lied to my boyfriend.
I changed my ticket, so I didn't get home on time. I told M that I was going to go to my boyfriend to atone for my sins, and I would bear it no matter what I was treated. M said that no matter how far he went, he would always be there.
Naturally, this time, I didn't have any good fruit to eat. The boyfriend made a big fuss, insulted words after insult, and finally did it, let me get out of the egg. I think this is what I should have suffered, and I didn't complain about being beaten, and I didn't tell M to get beaten. But the nightmare has only just begun. I told M to break it, my heart, my people, he got it, and he has no regrets. But he said he was responsible for me, and that was his first night, and he would continue to wait for me. I keep deleting M, and M keeps adding me.
During this period, M became more and more kind to me, sending me messages every day, caring about me, and sending me messages when he was very busy. After dysmenorrhea, I bought ginger tea, Tanabata sent me a red envelope of 5200, and then sent me 5000 after a joke, and often bought me small things. When I went to meet my boyfriend, he didn't contact me, saying wait for me, wait for me to deal with it, wait for me to think clearly.
And these 4 months, I went to see my boyfriend more and more diligently, and I went when I had time. But the boyfriend pressed me again and again to ask me the details, and every time he asked, he tortured me once. In addition, every day I have to video, I have to check where I am, what I am doing, and often quarrel.
In November, I went to my boyfriend and I didn't want him to touch me, he forced me, I resisted, lost my temper, wouldn't let him sleep, threatened him I was going to run away from home. As soon as he was upset, he hit me again. Then I didn't sleep all night, and he slept next to me, and I was completely cold. After dawn, I walked away without looking back. He didn't chase me, but kept threatening me, saying that he would never see me again and break up when he left. But a few hours later, my boyfriend called me back and said he would apologize to me. I went back alone again. But he never apologized properly. I asked him to write a pledge to never do it again. I mentioned it once, and he scolded me once, and he said that I was forced to do it.
M is about to open up new markets, and the work is getting busier and busier. Maybe on the one hand, it is busy, on the other hand, the heart is a little cold, and gradually it is less persistent and becomes cold.
He's cold, and I'm cold. I gave him back the money, and he took it, which he hadn't taken before, and this time I knew he didn't want to toss it anymore. Later, I told my boyfriend that I was going to break up. I made another appointment with M to meet him at the train station and asked him to wait for me for a year, and he agreed. As a result, I was entangled with my boyfriend and still did not separate.
M proposed, let's separate, I gambled and agreed. Isn't that just lifting your pants and turning your face over ruthlessly? Then I got sick again, and he insisted that he wouldn't contact me, and I was completely cold.
After the New Year, M contacted me again and said that he missed me and wanted to see me. When we met, he said he was tired, but he didn't blame me, it was that he didn't want to stick with it anymore. When he wanted to give up, I said I broke up and went to see him again, which gave him hope, but it was not what it used to be. What drove him the most crazy was that my boyfriend and I didn't separate, so he said to separate for the time being and not to contact each other first.
I confessed my mistake to M, admitting that my ambiguity had hurt him. At the same time, I also promise that I will not provoke my boyfriend until I don't contact him at all.
I have not been in touch with M for half a month now.
Last month in an argument, I pushed him, he hit me, I hit him, and finally I compromised. As soon as he was not happy, he said to break up. I'm getting less and less confident in the relationship.
Recently he said to buy a house, I said no money, temporarily do not consider, he scolded me pig brain, do not care about anything, only rely on him alone, last year should consider the things have been dragged to now, house prices have been rising, more difficult in the future. I'm not sure about the days after that with my boyfriend. For us, the feelings of the present are all supported by the affection of the past, and I thank him for helping me in my difficult times. I feel that I am now a woman for him who can have children together, and he has long lost his feelings for me.
His parents have been urging marriage since last year. Buying a house together means getting married at the end of the year. I really can't imagine the days after marriage, and I dare not imagine that the next few decades will be like now. But I didn't agree to buy a house, I didn't agree to get married, and I was afraid that he was chilling, and he paid so much for me, I couldn't face him.