Almost all human actions have similar purposes:
Pay the lowest cost and get the most benefits.
To be in love is to find the best, the best partner for us.
How hard is it to find a "good man"?
Someone once gave an example, if you look for a man with a height of more than 172, an ordinary bachelor's degree, and a monthly salary of six or seven thousand - in fact, in the eyes of most girls, this is not a "good man" at all.
But how hard is it to find such a man who can't get into the eyes of most girls?
According to publicly available Chinese national physical fitness monitoring data, only half of the men who are more than 172 centimeters tall are found.
At the same time, only 25% of people have a bachelor's degree or above.
Looking at income, the group with a monthly income of more than 10,000 yuan in the country accounts for 3%, and the group with a monthly income of 5,000-10,000 yuan accounts for 13% - this also includes women.
In short, this miscellaneous miscellaneous and miscellaneous calculations, while meeting the requirements of more than 172, bachelor's degree or above, and a monthly salary of more than six or seven thousand, can almost pick out one out of ten.
If you still want him to be handsome, have a room, a little mood...
It's too hard.
But no matter how difficult it is, the needs of girls to find quality men are still impossible to waver.
This gave birth to two sets of mate selection strategies:
Screening thinking
Screening thinking is very easy to understand, let's say you have 10 men around you, you give a score, choose the highest score.
It seems that this strategy basically does not require girls to pay anything, you just need to deal with different men, date, observe and screen them, stay in line with the criteria, and pass that does not meet the criteria.
Once there is a man you are satisfied with, you just sit back and enjoy it.
However, girls who use "screening thinking" to choose a mate must have one condition:
Your social circle should be large enough and you need to have enough single men to choose from.
At the same time, the problem that such girls may also face is that even if there are many men in the circle, they may not be able to choose the one who is satisfied.
Remember what we said earlier? Even the "ordinary men" that most girls don't look up to are one out of ten.
You may have to know dozens of men to pick out a similar one from it.
To find a circle that really meets the "quality" standard, you need not only a circle that is large enough, but also a circle that is good enough.
As far as I know, the common problem of many single girls is "small social circle, do not know a few men".
This first condition has already deterred many girls.
It's not enough to know men, it's that these men still have to be willing to let you pick.
That is, they all have to like you.
This puts forward a corresponding second requirement for girls - they must have a strong attraction.
Either, you're attractive enough to do nothing and there will be stubble after stubble of quality men chasing you.
Or, your social skills, the ability to get along with both sexes are strong enough, but if you find the man you like, you can take the initiative to get him.
Neither one seems so easy.
Is it over here?
No, there is also a bug in "screening thinking" - screening quality men is not enough to look at him from head to toe, or meet him twice.
Just like companies want to screen employees, they certainly can't just look at their resumes and rely on ten minutes of interviews to decide whether a person will stay.
The company has a "probationary period", and girls who hold "screening thinking" also have a "probationary period" for men.
Their regular line of thinking is this:
If a man pursues you and you feel that he looks okay and seems likely to develop into a marriage partner, then you will try to associate with him.
But after spending some time together, you may find that you and he still have a lot of inappropriate places, and he does not quite fit the image of a "quality partner" in your heart.
What to do?
A girl who is very attractive and does not lack men around her will usually choose to break up and change one.
So we will find that the girls who hold this set of mate selection strategies seem to be dating, falling in love, breaking up, and changing new boyfriends forever.
People who don't know them are likely to be prejudiced against them, thinking that they are "scumbags" in the human world.
Actually, it's not, it's just that the man in front of you didn't pass her "probationary period".
Continuous screening will inevitably bring about a certain "trial and error", and girls who use "screening thinking" to choose a mate will often inevitably have many ex-boyfriends who cannot pass the "probation period".
A girl who has experienced too many fruitless relationships can easily get discouraged and even begin to have stereotypes about men, feeling that men are not good enough to satisfy themselves.
Some girls have screened more times, and may really give up their hope for love and start playing the human world.
Girls who can really use "screening thinking" well will definitely have the third characteristic:
The psychological quality is strong enough.
Not only will they not be crushed by "trial and error" again and again, but they will be able to sum up their experience from their past feelings and figure out what kind of person they really want.
There are also some girls who will learn the "first 37% rule" without a teacher, summarize the first few boyfriends or suitors into a sample, and in the subsequent mate selection, as long as they meet a better person, they will take it immediately.
Looking at it this way, the mate selection strategy of "screening a high-quality man" looks very relaxed, but the requirements for girls behind it are not low.
A good social circle, its own high value, and a strong psychological quality are indispensable.
If you don't meet these three criteria, you don't deserve a good man?
Nor is it.
Nurture thinking
If your circle is relatively small, your own conditions are not outstanding, and your personality is more traditional and introverted, then it is unlikely that a ready-made perfect partner will fall from the sky.
But we can also change our thinking, since there is no natural perfect partner, can we cultivate a man who is most suitable for ourselves?
Of course.
If you use the metaphor of company recruitment, screening thinking is to give each job seeker a probationary period and choose one who is directly competent for the job.
Nurturing thinking is to look at the job seeker's resume, pick one directly to the job, and then train him until he can be competent for the job.
Compared with screening thinking, there are not many girls who can master nurturing thinking, but in fact, nurturing thinking may be a more suitable mate selection strategy for ordinary girls.
The general environment in China is that there are more men and fewer women, and the vast majority of girls, even if the circle is not large and the conditions are not outstanding, it is always not difficult to develop one or two suitors.
Most single girls, it is not "no one chases", but "the person who chases me is not perfect, I am not very satisfied".
If there is a choice, it is not impossible for you to wait for a sufficiently perfect one, and there is also a way that if the man is willing to grow and progress for you, you can help him approach the perfection in your mind.
For example, the most common example, girls want to find a handsome boyfriend, but can not grab a large number of suitors around the handsome guy, what to do?
Quite simply, girls know that handsome men and beautiful women, three points rely on talent, seven points rely on grooming, dress and temperament, relative to girls, straight men generally do not have the consciousness of dressing themselves.
As long as there is no obvious hard injury for ordinary men, they will modify their clothes and hairstyles, exercise and fitness appropriately, and find a dress style that suits him. Will become a lot more handsome.
If you can't find a ready-made handsome boyfriend, help an ordinary boy become handsome and make him your boyfriend.
In this way, you will also have a quality partner, or you will create it yourself, especially with a sense of accomplishment.
Compared with screening thinking, cultivating thinking is not so harsh on the conditions of girls.
First of all, the cultivation of thinking determines that girls pay a lot more to their partners than to screen thinking.
After all, you are not choosing a ready-made perfect man, and you will definitely spend a lot of time and energy, even money, in the process of cultivating men.
If you're determined to nurture a quality man, you have to accept that fact.
Cultivating thinking must be accompanied by a sense of active giving.
At the same time, it is also necessary to have sufficient ability to recognize people.
The biggest risk of nurturing thinking is that the men you work so hard to cultivate will not give you good results.
Maybe no matter how hard you try, he can't meet your expectations, or you have a hard time cultivating him, and as a result, his choice expands, but abandons you.
Compared with screening thinking, girls who cultivate thinking can't bear the consequences of losing a man, and the more they pay, the more sunk costs are, and the more they lose.
Cultivating thinking is like an investment, if you don't want to lose your money, you must do enough observation in the early stage to see clearly what kind of man is worthy of your efforts and training.
Many girls may feel that it is not good for me to invest in myself, why invest in men?
Indeed, you spend the cost of investing in men on yourself, which may make you better, attract ready-made quality men to pursue you, and take the game of screening thinking.
The way that suits you is the best.