In "Dream of the Red Chamber", Baoyu is famous for pitying Xiang Xiang and cherishing jade. However, there is a rare scene in the book: he hits someone and scolds Qingwen the next day.
In the sweltering heat of the day, Bao Yu was wandering alone in the Grand View Garden, while the beards were resting in the house. Suddenly, a heavy rainstorm began, and Baoyu was drenched in soup chickens, and quickly ran back in the rain.
Who knew that he was locked outside his own door, with nowhere to hide in the storm, and knocked the door. The squirrels took advantage of his absence and had a lot of fun.
It wasn't until Baoyu slapped the door so loud that it finally attracted attention.
He thought that the door opener who had come to open the door was the one who had left his post without permission, and kicked it.
Who knew that the person who came to open the door was actually an attacker, and Bao Yu knew that he had kicked the wrong one and regretted it.
This is the scene in "Dream of the Red Chamber", Where Baoyu injures people.
Interestingly, after the two parties eliminated the misunderstanding and released the previous suspicion, the irrelevant Qingwen mentioned this stubble again.
1 People who don't know how to manage emotions are prone to making a fuss
On the side of the attacker, it is not she who leaves her post without permission, but she is injured, which can be said to be a senseless disaster.
Qingwen's side, but she provoked the incident herself and made a big fuss.
Qingwen made a mistake in her work and broke the fan bone of a fan, and Bao Yu said how to take care of the front and the back. Originally, this was just a small thing, and when it was lightly responded, it passed.
But Qingwen exploded in place. Baoyu said that she had five times the top to go back.
Qingwen first accused Bao Yu of being angry, and asked him if he was throwing himself in the face?
Then he questioned whether Baoyu was looking for fault?
The third extension is that Bao Yu kicked the attacker, asking him if he was going to beat himself up too?
The fourth thinks he's not wrong at all. The reason is that usually I even broke the agate bowl I don't know how much, now it is just a fan, what is the big deal?
The fifth is to directly pierce Baoyu's heart, Baoyu's nature is to like to gather and not to disperse, but Qingwen said, let's all scatter.
Qingwen lost her temper like a cannonball, and Baoyu was really trembling with anger.
It's not like in our usual lives, we often turn over old accounts and threaten to break up, and as a result, the other party's anger is also ignited. In the end, both sides were angry and hurt their feelings, but they couldn't remember what started the quarrel.
In life, it is impossible to go smoothly, and peace can be said to be rare.
So, within our own control, why not enjoy the peace as much as possible?
To avoid making a fuss, there's a way to try: Don't argue that you have a point.
When Qingwen was furious like a cannon, she was very reasonable and strong.
When the innocent person was injured by mistake, it was not only more reasonable, but also very wronged, but she did not break out.
This sets the stage for a different direction behind things.
Each of us will feel like it makes sense. However, many things are justified, and the mother-in-law is reasonable and unclear.
And, even if we're really right, be careful.
Because, once you have a reason, you will be very easy to be arrogant, and you may not really be able to give things a good result.
2 People who are good at managing emotions can make big things small
After the Japanese raider was kicked in public by Baoyu, he was actually ashamed, angry and painful, and had no place for himself. However, before she complained, it occurred to her that Baoyu might not have kicked her on purpose.
Therefore, in the face of Baoyu's apology and inquiry, she did not lose her temper and make trouble, but endured the pain and said that she was not hurt, and quickly helped Baoyu change clothes and deal with the matter in front of her.
Bao Yu laughed and said that the first time he was angry and hit someone, how he had encountered an attacker.
The raider also responded with a smile, saying that he should have been a person who started. Also ridicule Baoyu, but don't hit others with your hands.
When describing this dialogue in the book, the word "laugh" is used specifically for both of them.
Obviously, a minute ago, Baoyu was also drenched in a soup chicken and angrily rushed to the crown, and the attackers were kicked in public and self-respecting.
However, the attacker was able to control his emotions and continue to communicate lightly. This naturally also infected Baoyu. So, the two can talk well.
It's not like when two people quarrel in normal times, if one party softens first, the other party is not good enough to continue to lose his temper?
Once you start talking well, hopefully you'll make things clear.
Sure enough, next, Bao Yu very solemnly told the attacker that he really didn't mean it just now.
The attacker also showed that he already knew that he did not mean it. Originally, there was a special person to open the door, and naturally everyone thought that the person who opened the door would be the person who was in charge.
The two finally spoke up, and all the unpleasantness disappeared.
A sudden event was solved before it was too late to create a estrangement between the two.
Attacking people is a big thing, Qingwen is making a big fuss, in fact, they have their own speculations.
The attacker didn't make a big fuss because she guessed that Baoyu didn't mean to kick her.
Qingwen made a big fuss because she guessed that Baoyu was deliberately looking for stubble.
Each of us, unconsciously, will have our guesses, but we don't notice.
But this kind of speculation will affect the direction of things, resulting in very different results.
So, we have to be wary of our own speculation.
When our emotions explode, we can think for ourselves: What is this speculation on? Maybe I guessed wrong?
3 Whether emotions can be managed well is rooted in whether there is a direction
In the Qingwen incident, the author arranged a scene in which Qingwen attacked people to appear together: after Qingwen was mad at Baoyu, the attackers heard the movement and rushed in to persuade them to fight.
Who knew that Qingwen only cared about venting her emotions, seeing that no one was pleasing to the eye, and also shaking out the private affairs of the attackers. So angry that Baoyu almost alarmed Jia Mu and Lady Wang.
The attacker saw that the scene was more and more disturbed by Qingwen, and had to help Qingwen to make a mess, what was she going to do:
If Qingwen is aimed at attacking people, then they should solve it privately, there is no need to argue in front of Baoyu;
If Qingwen is aimed at Baoyu, then this kind of thing should be committed quietly, there is no need to make a big fuss and make everyone know.
But looking at Qingwen's approach, neither is true. Faced with Qingwen, who stabbed like a hedgehog, the attacker couldn't understand what she really wanted to do.
In fact, Qingwen herself didn't know what she really wanted to do.
From this moment on, her arrogance finally came down.
But it was also too late, and Baoyu thought that Qingwen wanted to leave in a different way. Such a small thing as a fan fell by mistake later evolved into a storm of departure from the house.
Qingwen didn't even know what she wanted to do or what result she wanted, so naturally she wouldn't think about how to achieve the result.
There was no direction, so she let her emotions dictate herself.
Even, she never realized: emotions need to be managed.
Such people, who call them "true disposition," are in fact mostly going to suffer losses and suffering.
In the end, Qingwen only got a miserable and early death.
On the other hand, from her questioning of Qingwen, it can be seen that the attacker's thinking has a direction and a goal.
The fate of attacking people is a rare beginning and an end. After the destruction of Jia Province, she and her husband even funded Baoyu.
We can't be as bad as we are all at once, more often than not: I also know that it is not good to lose my temper, but I just can't control myself. Also, I just don't know what I want.
So what to do?
So, let's know what we don't want.
There are two kinds of happiness, one is to know what you want, and the other is to know what you don't want.
At the very least, I don't want to let out-of-control emotions mess up my life and work.
Even if we can't do it all, there is still hope for managing emotions if we grasp a little.
That is: ask yourself rhetorically.
Whenever emotions erupt, ask yourself: If you vent your emotions like this now, will the other party love me more? Would things be better?
It can also be replaced with other issues that you are more concerned about.
If the answer is no, we will naturally be able to calm down.
I think it's very useful.
Emotional management is not an easy task, but as long as we do it a little bit, we benefit ourselves.
There is a way to manage emotions, starting from what can be done, and one day, we can:
The sky is high and the sea is wide, and the clouds are light and the wind is light.
Author: Wang Qing, a student of Tang Xiaoxiao's writing class. The sea of books is sailing, and the heart is headed. Graph source network