Torture You Never Thought Of (3)

Psychologist Wu Zhihong said: "Home is the most hurtful place." Do you feel this way as a family member that you have no intention of being vilified by your parents, or that couples inadvertently slander each other?

First, parents are anxious about their children's learning

Parents are more anxious than their children to learn, which is a common phenomenon in China today. There are two main models: one is that the parents' self-expectations are not fully realized, so they are transferred to the children and hope that the children will be realized. For example, my colleague A, who liked to play the piano since she was a child, but when she was a child, the family environment was unable to afford to buy a piano, so when she had a child, the first gift she bought for her child was a piano. And A's child began to cry every time he sat on the piano stool, practicing the piano like a punishment, every day from

Head crying to the end.

One is that parents know that they are successful, so they are afraid that their children will lose their face if they are not successful. The way for parents to release anxiety is to "accompany their children to read" every day, or to constantly let their children participate in various interest classes to study classes, or to form a "united front" with teachers to put their children under high monitoring. It is worth noting that the "high pressure" on the child brought about by this anxiety is often controlled by the emotion of "all for the good of the child", and slowly, when the child loses the space to breathe and justify.

Second, husband and wife turn against each other

Some time ago on the Internet, there was news: a man raised a knife and slashed at his wife, who was only 70 days after childbirth, and hacked her alive. The scene was unbearable to see, and according to insiders in the community, it was to talk back with the mother-in-law, the husband and the wife clashed after the mother-in-law complained, and finally the husband locked the door and hacked his wife to death with a knife, and Ms. Chen, who was hacked to death, was only 28 years old, and her child was only 70 days old. Everyone tends to think that the contradiction between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law is because of family trivia.

However, the truth of the "man killed his wife 70 days after childbirth" incident is:

A loving and terrifying mother uses the attack on the prop of her daughter-in-law to evoke her son's intimacy.

A lot of noisy sounds, killing wives with invisible:

"Son, you see, she scolded me, and when I have a child, I can't get it."

"Son, you see, I worked so hard, and now you have married your daughter-in-law and forgotten your mother."

"Son, my mother is so bitter, she pulled you up hard, and now she is old and is disliked....."

Many wives feel that they really can't fight their mother-in-law, can't stand their husband's "foolish filial piety", and even regret when they think about it, saying: "My husband was originally very good, that is, the mother-in-law provoked." ”

In fact, many times, it is the mother who loves the mother 3500 times more than the wife.

Third, hurt in the name of love

There was a time when Colleague B and his wife were constantly arguing. Suddenly, one day, B's son said to him, "Stop arguing." If you still argue with your mother, I won't go to school. B's words shocked B, and he realized that his son was actually doing what most children do—there was a problem with the parental relationship, and the child wanted to save the relationship by sacrificing himself. Thus it is concluded that when the relationship between the parents goes wrong, the child will hurt himself or herself in order to save the relationship between the parents. But parents will scold their children for doing bad things because they do not understand this behavior. As a result, after the child hurt himself, he was once again hurt by his parents.

The child became the top bag of the family, and it was this poor child who was hurt the most.

Hope Home is a warm haven, not a heavy sin!