Wang Lihong admitted to divorce. He and his wife married in 2013 and filed for divorce eight years later, wang Lihong talked about the marriage, admitting that he had too many deficiencies, and it was clear that he himself had the intention to save the marriage. I think divorce actually hurts women even more.
Looking at Wang Lihong's marriage, his wife Li Lianglei has been married for eight years and has had three children. The child is two people, but in these eight years, the reaction during pregnancy, the physical pain, the psychological torture... She gave too much.
But the eight-year relationship dissipated, the couple's feelings reached the point of rupture, and the two negotiated a divorce.
Maybe they have truly loved each other, and her heart will not be unwilling, but there are too many such women in real life, their marriage has come to an end, and those efforts have gone to zero.
Many women are reluctant to divorce, and the reason is the same: this home is built by you, and you have paid too much effort, so you are reluctant to let this family break up.
That's why I say that divorce hurts women more because wives give more in marriage. Having children, keeping the family running, and doing housework, they usually put in more effort than their husbands.
Once divorced, these costs will disappear. The home you built with your own hands is gone, the love is gone.
Therefore, I have always believed that stable feelings have one measure: the degree of giving.
Divorce is necessarily the result of the breakdown of two people's feelings, and there are several common divorces.
1. Flash marriage.
If two couples get married and don't want to live on in the first year of marriage, the reason is often the problem of high expectations and no emotional basis. Couples who are flash married, in a hurry to enter marriage, often get married for two reasons: first, they feel that the other party and themselves are incomparably matched, and they get married with high expectations; second, they think that they have reached the age of marriage, so they find a suitable person after blind date and get married.
But the most important thing in marriage is inclusion.
If you get married with high expectations, after marriage, you find the true side of your partner, see his shortcomings, expectations will become disappointment, disappointment will produce resentment, can not tolerate;
If it is a blind date to find a good person to marry, it is impossible to tolerate the other half, because the two people have a weak emotional foundation, and will not compromise because they love each other, so a little contradiction will be calculated, do not give in to each other, both people will feel that they have been wronged, and each other frequently quarrels.
2. Divorce after 2-4 years of marriage.
The outbreak of divorce crises at this point in time is often due to the problem of running-in.
Love for two or three years, the feelings have reached the run-in period, you want him to listen to you, he wants you to listen to him, the communication mode and the mode of getting along between the two people are fixed, and this communication mode and the mode of getting along are not necessarily good.
For example, your mode of getting along is always a request for obedience, the obedient party will feel aggrieved, he does not want to live, he feels that he is not valued; for example, your mode of getting along is an anxiety and an avoidance, the anxious party sees the partner avoidance, will feel that the partner does not love himself, he is always cold and violent, and the avoidant party sees that the partner is particularly anxious, and he will feel that he is always unreasonable. In the mode of communication, many people's communication methods are accusations, criticisms, complaints, do not know how to express their needs positively, so the feelings can not get better, will only get worse and worse.
Moreover, in the run-in period, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the birth of the child, will give birth to a large number of conflicts, if there is no good conflict resolution mechanism between husband and wife, there will be no positive communication, and do not know how to express their needs, feelings will naturally break down because of these conflicts.
3. Divorce after 5-10 years of marriage.
Usually after five years of marriage, the husband and wife know each other well, and the feelings have reached a flat period.
In the relationship during the bland period, both husband and wife tend to emphasize responsibility, and many couples have no love together, or love is very plain. If the previous interaction mode is not good, you will not even say a word all day.
In such a marriage, many people will feel that they have to pay for the family, but they do not feel the love given to them by their partners. Therefore, if a different person appears at this stage, it is easy to change his mind. And in the period of blandness, it is very painful not to feel love, and many people can't stand this kind of unloved marriage and choose divorce.
4. Divorce after 10 years of marriage.
This kind of marriage is usually a question of the meaning of marriage. Two people do not have common ideals and do not feel the meaning of marriage.
In the past, their meaning was for the children, but the children were older and had their own lives, so such couples also began to think about the meaning of their lives, did not want to be dragged down by the family and marriage, and wanted to pursue what they longed for in their hearts.
In fact, no matter how many years we have been married, we need to realize that marriage needs to be compromised, understood, tolerated, and we need to learn to operate.
That is to say, the ability to love is the most important. Learn to love yourself, learn how to love others, if you will communicate positively, will find and meet the needs of your partner, will run your marriage, when you really have the ability to love, you can grasp the happiness of your marriage, so that you can get good love and be loved.
If you want your partner to love you more and cherish this home more, the way you love must not be to take on his responsibilities, pay a lot, and let him feel your good. But you have to do your best, let him invest more time and money in this family, let him participate in this family, and build this home with you, only if he pays a lot of costs, can he really love this home.
Unfortunately, many people love in the wrong way: thinking that the family is stable and letting the partner love themselves, they must pay more and please more, thinking that they have always been good to him, they can move him and let him love you.
But the reality is: no.
When you pay too much, you will not be willing to let the family break down, so when you see that your partner does not attach importance to the family and does not love you, you can only tolerate, compromise, and use your own way to make the family run. The partner will pinch this and keep making you give, he will only enjoy, he will become more and more selfish, and you will feel his love more and more.
Therefore, guiding your partner to pay is actually a real way to manage feelings. When you have the ability to let him participate in the family and let him pay more to each other, his responsibility to the family and his love for you will be stimulated and truly good to you.