Youth in the dark

When I was an introverted and quiet little girl, carrying a school bag and walking into the most famous private junior high school in the local holy spirit, I began to look forward to the future.

A month ago, an acceptance letter was sent to me, and when I took this thin piece of paper that was only a4 and a half in size, my heart trembled slightly, and I calmed down instantly. Although I was very excited, but all this I had already expected, because my grades in elementary school were excellent, under the strict discipline of my mother, I lived up to her expectations and successfully entered this junior high school, but the tuition fee was a little expensive, more than 10,000 a year. Received the interview form, I walked into this middle school with my classmates, the boys with the neighbor's grades, "snapped" a piece of paper handed over, I looked at the question, please write out a prime number of one to a hundred, I widened my eyes, although it was only a simple question, but I had long forgotten what it was, I only felt that my brain was blank, I only remembered that the teacher said softly "To refuel Ha" I nodded my head like a piece of wood, my face was red, and rushed out of the gate.

Thick dark clouds floated in the sky, and I looked up, and the red walls and the pink cherry blossoms on campus were intertwined, which looked very noticeable and dazzling in the city. When I entered the campus, I took another entrance exam and was assigned to the fourth class, but I didn't know that the wind was very strong that day, and it made my face creak, but it did not affect my performance, and I successfully entered the top one hundred of the grades. I happily opened my arms and fantasized about this school life of my dreams, and my heart rippled, but reality was always far from my fantasy.

"Hello" I walked into my newly moved dormitory, the first time I came to the board room type accommodation, because it was rebuilt on 5.12, the school was not built perfectly, only a temporary board room. I shyly glanced at the new roommates, whispered greetings to them, as if I had not seen my arrival, I smiled awkwardly, and the roommate next to me also smiled at me, and I had an inexplicable liking for the roommate next to me.

Because there are no familiar former classmates in this class, plus my personality is more introverted, always alone on campus, "Xiao Yi, go to the health room to help me lift the water bottle" "Xiao Yi, help me take that comb" For the roommate's call, I always smiled and agreed, thinking that my act of helping others can be exchanged for a lot of good friends, but they let me do things when I can be intimate with me, and then I don't care about it, looking at their strange attitude, I didn't think much about it, Maybe I didn't do enough, I scratched my head and walked alone from the dormitory to the classroom.

"This class is sports" Every student cheered and jumped, but as the excitement was interrupted by the physical education teacher's words, because of the running fitness test, everyone's excitement quickly returned to calm. At the beginning, I desperately dragged my clumsy posture on the track, I was very thin, but it didn't take long to run and the physical strength was not enough, insist on it, I thought to myself, can't run to the end. Everyone was tired and collapsed to the ground, hey, there were several people in front of us in the dormitory, what were they talking about, girls, talk about gossip, I can't not fit in, I was curious to trot past, ready to integrate into this circle, not yet walked in, the group of people saw me coming quickly scattered, surrounded me, a girl who was also very quiet came to me, stared at me fiercely" I looked at her confusedly, estimating that her voice was particularly small, did not hear, she once again playfully looked at me, The voice of the thin "you hurt me, do you know" The eyes of the students around me are like a sword that can kill me immediately, I was frightened, this was criticized by the crowd, as if I had done a heinous thing, but I did not perceive it, in order to maintain my image, I laughed a little "Oh, I'm sorry for you, I didn't see it" The quiet girl unceremoniously stepped forward, "Let you go today" with a few girls next to me walked back to the classroom, I stood stupidly, and what just happened seemed to be an illusion How come none of the people I've helped in the past few months have spoken to me? I can't do this, I looked down in disappointment.

The night gradually darkened, the stars began to blink under the night, I walked alone on this gravel road, with a water bottle, washed up, sat in the bedroom, began to miss the nagging mother at home, before I wanted to leave my mother's side at any time, I did not expect to start relying on it again. A very loud voice came over, I looked up, the old Liu in the next bedroom walked in, the old Liu tied a simple ponytail, the face is relatively long, the eyes are small, the body is as thick as an ox, "Ah, do you welcome me, I am in the next bedroom, I heard that there is a beautiful woman in your bedroom, I will come to see." I looked at Lao Liu, Lao Liu directly blocked the door, looked at me sitting inside, the roommate inside laughed, "Here it is" The roommate next to me with a hand to me, I was surprised to look at her, I didn't understand the roommate who was once very friendly, how it became so terrible, timid I was frightened, and I was trembling in a hurry, intermittently stretching "Why, why..." This posture is not right, where offended this old Liu, it seems that it is not a good thing, "You look very good, I call you Yi Beauty Bar" Everyone laughed madly, and in the eyes of the discerning person, this is the meaning of describing me as ugly, and this nickname stung my ears. I kept repeating in my heart, "Don't", but I was afraid that others would continue to laugh at me, and I didn't dare to go back. "You heard that there is a girl who likes our class LQ" A very charmingly dressed girl in the dormitory walked in, she always wore a very open-chested white short skirt, and Lao Liu was also attracted to the past. I breathed a sigh of relief as the dorm target was diverted, "Aha, I want to see what kind of goods she is, can attract LQ" The Quiet Girl I was bumped into walked in with a basin of water, her words were just heard by her, and they were excited to talk about going to see this girl tomorrow. I quietly looked at the circle they were around and sighed, why are they all so difficult to get along with?

The next day, it was dawn, all the roommates were busy folding the quilt, holding the water cup to grab the washstand, I also ran quickly, "Yo, Yi Mei Ran so fast, give us a place" I looked at it, I was very unhappy, how to ask me to help them give me nicknames again, obviously I thought they forgot this. But I was not happy to be unhappy, I always had a hard time offending them, and reluctantly agreed. It was in the classroom again, I saw my roommate giggling and chatting with a few boys, as if to tell a funny story, should not say me again, I looked at them worriedly, watching several boys' eyes shoot at me, that look stung me, it turned out that they were really talking about me, there was a boy, laughing and looking at me "Alas, what, Easy beauty is it, you don't turn around, you look too ugly I vomited" My face suddenly turned red and purple, immediately turned over, tears have been swirling in the eye sockets, Am I really ugly and can't see people? How come so many people say I don't look good. Why did I start to think of my mother again, remembering that when I was in elementary school, I was very popular in the class, and everyone called me a bully, but that could only be the time when I lowered my head lonely.

The "bell" rings, this is an English class, the English teacher is a very young teacher, very thin, in her class, always very passionate, "Hey, let's use l am play..." Sentence to say a paragraph, you can find a little friend with each other. The classroom began to get noisy, everyone was actively training with their own table, and I was alone in my seat in a daze. "Well, who's going to read it" "I'm coming", I'm familiar with this voice, it's a very tall name called yd in the class, I used to do the same table with him for a semester, he looks more handsome in the class, he is also more extroverted, I want to be with xx classmates, I'm stunned, isn't it now the same table, how can he still call me, I can't, only stand up hard, my face becomes red, I'm afraid of being pumped up to answer questions, especially this kind of English dialogue, my oral language is not very good, I only said a simple English sentence, and when I finished, I immediately sat down and breathed a sigh of relief. This difficult English class was finally coming to an end, but I didn't want to leave the class, because after the English class, I had to go to the playground to do exercises, and I had to endure walking to the playground alone.

Until the moment when the music sounded, I broke down, watched them walk out of the classroom hand in hand, I looked around, hoping that someone could also hold me, take me to the playground, I slowly walked to the playground, surrounded by groups of girls, girls, are social creatures, especially in the junior high school period, small groups are also very important, but I don't have my own small group, the classmates are too difficult to get along, began to queue, a column of girls, a column of boys, a group of boys pushing away, Not wanting to stand with me, as if standing with me in a bunch of very humiliating things, and I have been common to this kind of thing, almost everyone called my harsh nickname, laughed at my appearance, I seemed to become a joke in the class, even the boy who was ridiculed in the class also yelled at me fiercely, I sneered, really people are good to be bullied by dogs, even the most undesirable C classmate in the class also bullied me, of course, he was not ridiculed because of his appearance, because his walking posture was very strange.

The uncomfortable was finally over, I slipped away to the class again, suddenly a bottle smashed over so painful I looked up, it turned out to be Old Liu, I looked at her in shock, because I didn't provoke her, how suddenly I was hit by this, smashed into my bottle and fell down, Old Liu immediately picked up and smashed at me, Ah, I was not careful Snapped, I was blank in my body, how helpless and small I was, I didn't do anything, I had to bear to walk back to the classroom silently.

Just sat down, a gossip sounded again, I was afraid to hear these harsh sounds, my head wanted to shield all this, ah, as if they were talking about classmate C in the class, did not say that I was fine, "Have you heard, C classmate dad works in the court" The classmates in the class began to boil up, everyone turned to envious eyes, and was deeply intimidated by the background of C classmates, it turned out that he had such a powerful father. I smiled helplessly, what a group of powerful classmates.

I gradually became more and more introverted, a lot of words were not said, I did not like to smile, once to me very beautiful campus, like a prison, the outside railing is dark like a cell, I look forward to my mother to appear, take me away, I hope that the next day my mother told me not to go to school. Oh, I'm always dreaming, and eye exercises are it, I sat quietly in this eye exercises, suddenly my face was a little itchy, I turned over, it turned out to be LQ classmates, holding the hair on the floor and scratching my cheek, this boy is really naughty, looking at his funny figure, I laughed a little, he excitedly said in the class "Xiaomei, actually laughed" I glanced at him, said something, I didn't laugh the same.

A week passed, I finally came home, looking at my mother who had not been seen for a long time, I hugged my mother, crying and telling her everything that happened to me in the class, I cried and said "Mom, I don't want to go to school", my mother sighed, "Child, you have to reflect, why you are being bullied, you should learn to tolerate it." I looked up, was it that I was bullied was what I did wrong, I was always helpful in class, didn't like to cause trouble, and how to become the target of other people's key bullying. Reluctantly, I was pushed by my mother to go to school again.

In school, I looked at the black iron fence, the soul seemed to be separated from the body, I didn't want to accept the fact in the school, "XX, don't you look at her ugly, have you heard the story of the ugly duckling, what if she becomes a white swan" The class Li Bo was very serious to everyone to ridicule, the class came and laughed sarcastically at me, no, I can be shot lying down, I think I am obscure, do not want to be outstanding people, how is it that someone always finds me trouble, I slammed a book at the boy, and seeing that I was angry, he didn't seem to say anything more, and my gentle personality became irritable.

At night, I secretly glanced at the classroom, walked to the sand pile, picked up a stone, and slashed a few holes in my arm, I wanted to end my life, I felt that everything in the world was very dark, trying to be good to others but could not exchange it for others' courtesy, but the stone scratched arm was so painful, I resisted, I looked at the red classroom wall, it turned out that our classroom was on the second floor, I wanted to jump off the building, but when I stood upstairs, I was afraid, no, what if I didn't die and fell disabled, what to do? But I really can't live anymore. Everything in the class made me feel very uncomfortable, my mother did not understand, whenever the class screamed at me fiercely, shouting my nickname, my heart was not a taste, how long would my nightmare end, I knew that my mother also reacted to the class teacher, but the class teacher said that the male classmates bullied me because they liked me, I did not trust anyone to help me at all, I really wanted to leave this world.