#相处中的恋爱错觉 #
The more perfect I am, the more he will love me.
To make a loved one feel perfect, getting a ta is a common psychology.
But the important thing is not that you make your lover think how great and perfect you are, but that you show your true self in front of him.
If you only let him see your shiny, bright, decent, elegant, successful side, but not let him see your anxious, nervous, gloomy, cramped side, then you are pretending to be another perfect person who does not exist.
In the long run, this act of pretending to be perfect will hurt the other person and will hurt you. Because eventually you will all realize that the "perfect you" is a mask.
Moreover, in our feelings, in fact, each of us has a strong desire in our hearts: to love me as I am.
I love the real me, not only because I am strong, smart, and strong, but also because I am weak, confused, and lonely.
Even in the heart of a perfect person, there is such a desire. And their desires are more secretive and intense than others.
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But why do we want each other to love our true selves on the one hand, and dare not show our true selves on the other hand?
Because we are afraid that the other person will not accept or like "my dark side".
Because we are insecure about our feelings.
But the deeper reason is that we don't recognize ourselves internally.
We judge ourselves from within. Part of me is good, part of me is bad. Only the good will be liked, and the bad will not.
In addition, we also project this self-denial onto our partners.
The key to solving the problem of intimacy is to build self-awareness first.
Don't express yourself for fear of affecting relationships. Psychologist David Schnack's advice on "intimacy" is: "Let yourself be truly understood." You should tell each other what you like, what you are afraid of, what you care about, what you want, and what strange hobbies are not enough for outsiders to see.
"Even the parts you or your partner may not like, be understood. But that doesn't mean that all the shortcomings are exposed, sometimes the advantages that are never discovered."
In the movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith", one scene that particularly touched me was that the agent couple , who finally understood each other's true identities , sat on the floor of their homes and talked about their weaknesses that had never been shown to each other in their previous 6 years of married life.
The wife said, "I am colorblind. My retina hurt and I broke three fingers, but now I can't feel those three fingers anymore. The husband said, "I broke three ribs and injured my left eardrum."
Before that, they were all invincible, from body to heart, strong to the asshole in each other's eyes. At this moment, they showed each other their wounds. Since then, they don't have to look uninjured in front of each other. Because they know that their weaknesses will be well protected by the other side.
This moment when your true self is seen and accepted by your lover is the most blissful and relaxing magical moment in a relationship.
You're not perfect, I don't want to leave you in suspense, and the girls you know aren't perfect. The question is whether you are a perfect fit. Intimacy is all about that."
Wondering if you and the person you love are a match made in heaven?
The step you have to take is to make the other person understand your imperfect self.
In the process, some people will leave because they can't accept the real you.
But if you don't, you won't meet someone who is willing to spend the rest of your life hand in hand with the real you.