I often hear my mother complain: "Whoever has a wet dad, changing diapers, sleeping with you, can do everything, but unfortunately my dad doesn't care about anything, every day when he comes home, he knows to play with his mobile phone." "Dad is a money-making machine, just make money, don't care about anything else." "The child seems to be my own, and I have nothing to do with him." ......
What is the use of envying other people's dads? Go home and do as Pocket Parenting said today, "Daddy" we also have one! Ha ha. After reading the article, you can let the fathers do the final test Oh~
1, the first time to establish intimate relationships
"Whoa, whoa, whoa..."
With the sound of a baby's cry, the mother's emotions are mixed, and you may feel relieved that the difficult October pregnancy is finally over. When the doctor or midwife brings the baby to you, the moment you see him, you suddenly want to cry, looking at him so vulnerable, you begin to doubt your own ability, doubt whether you can take good care of him. You may also be extremely excited, even forgetting the pain and exhaustion of your own childbirth, only hoping to hold him immediately, love him, and develop a deep attachment to the baby...
These complex and changeable emotions are all because when you give birth, a large number of hormones are produced in the body, which make you full of maternal love and responsibility in order to better protect and love your child.
However, for dads, although some studies have also shown that their hormone secretion will change in preparation for becoming a father, so when the baby is born, some dads are also active, watching the baby want to hug, watching the baby fall asleep, secretly kissing the face. However, some fathers do not have the urge to hug and kiss when this relationship has not yet been established, especially when the baby's gender and expectations are different, and the father's loss will affect the establishment of this sense of intimacy. Therefore, if you want your father to successfully transform into a "grandfather", the first intimate relationship is very critical.
Babies are very alert and very responsive during this time of birth, so this period is also called the sensitive period and should be used well.
For example, within 1 hour after the baby is born, hold him in your arms, soothe him, gaze at him, give him the first time of eye contact, voice communication and skin contact, will lay a good foundation for the establishment of intimate relationships. When you look at him, he's looking at you too, which can give you a strong sense of protection and a deep attachment to your child. This kind of intimacy can easily arise between mom and baby, but few people let dads do it, in fact, the truth is the same.
If you are a mother of a caesarean section, at this time only feel physically and mentally exhausted, do not have the energy to connect with the baby, this sacred task is given to the father, put the baby in his close place, he can look at the baby, the baby can also see him, let them connect for the first time. Of course, you don't have to feel guilty for not being intimate with your baby, there are many moms like you. Give yourself plenty of rest, because only when you're well can you give your baby the best of love. There is no time limit to the establishment of intimate relationships, and you can start as soon as you feel your best. Dad may start to worry a little, afraid of hurting the baby, don't worry, give him some guidance, soon he will be doing well.
If the baby's gender and the father expect different, he will feel disappointed and distressed, then at this time to establish an intimate connection is more important, let the father hold the baby more, more contact with the baby, he will soon enjoy the process, thereby deepening his attachment to the baby, when one day the baby returns him a smile, he will feel happy in the sky, how can he care about the baby's gender?
2, dad do skin contact
In the sleep safety guidelines issued by the American Academy of Pediatrics some time ago, it is mentioned that skin-to-skin contact should be carried out as early as possible to reduce the occurrence of sudden infant death syndrome. Similarly, this skin-to-skin contact is called kangaroo care in the care of premature babies, which not only warms the baby, but also promotes the intimate connection between mother and child, helps to stabilize the baby's heartbeat and breathing, increase the time for deep sleep and quiet awakening, reduce crying, increase weight, and at the same time facilitate successful breastfeeding and reduce mother's anxiety.
Kangaroo care is to encourage the father to do, the baby naked on the father's chest, wearing only diapers and covering a blanket, let the baby snuggle in the arms of the father, through the father's body temperature to keep warm, this skin contact will make the baby and the father feel kind and comfortable, conducive to the establishment of intimate relationships between each other. So, if the mother feels tired after childbirth, or when there is a wound in the caesarean section, such a sacred work can befall the father again, and he can both rest and promote the relationship between father and son.
3. Establish father-son feelings in daily life
In addition to skin-to-skin contact, there are many ways in daily life that help build a close relationship between dad and baby, such as bathing your baby. Maybe many mothers will worry that dads will not do well and hurt the baby, but think about it, we also have the first time to bathe the baby, ah, is not nothing happening? Dad is the same, with your assistance on the side, there is no worries, as long as you give him enough trust, willing to let him participate, Dad's skills will get better and better, and finally successfully transform into a baby's bath master.
Such a thing as giving the baby a massage can also be left to the father to do. At first he may not be willing to accept, it does not matter, take him to study or let him try it every day, in the process of massage, you can have intimate contact with the baby, language and eye contact, the baby also gradually accepted the massage of two large hands, give dad some reply, let him fall in love with this job from now on, it is difficult to let him stop.
Taking care of the baby is not an easy thing, if the mother is personally involved, it will be very hard, there will be a lot of mental pressure, which will lead to all kinds of troubles, you know. Let the father do some things, such as when the baby is crying, let him go to coax, let him go to hug; when changing the diaper, let him also try, don't care how many pieces of paper towel he uses, just wipe it clean, don't care how long it takes him to change the diaper, you just need to lie leisurely on the side, let yourself get rest and relax physically and mentally, whatever they do, not only successfully cultivated the grandfather, but also let themselves get enough rest, isn't everyone happy.
4, let the father find the desire to participate
Some people say that dads are big boys and like to play, but why doesn't my dad play with his baby? It may be that the father's point and the baby's point are not integrated, that is, the play is not together, and the baby can only wait for the baby to be older, and the two people play the man's game together. But it may also be that the intimate connection between the father and the baby is not enough at the beginning, and the habit of playing together is not formed, or the baby is used to the mother's company and does not want the father at all, so that the father has no desire to participate.
Studies have shown that the interaction between father and mother and baby belongs to different types, mothers are more talking to babies, and that kind of quieter interaction, while fathers are more likely to play some sports games, such as running on the baby's back, lifting the baby above their heads, so that they can enjoy the general feeling of flying, which will give children different feelings, no baby will refuse, so the poor should be the father's initiative and timing.
Everyone wants to be lazy, sit on the couch and brush their mobile phones, watch movies, and spend time with their children, so understand them. But understanding is understanding, when it is time to shoot, it is still necessary to shoot, that is, to take the initiative to create opportunities for dad to see the baby. For example, the mother goes to the toilet, takes a shower, in short, no matter what you do, there is no time to accompany the baby, the father to do. Of course, when people play two, you must not blame, but encourage and support more. When dad also enjoys this joy with his baby, he will take the initiative to join in.
Before there was a mother, in order to let the father participate in parenting, "fierce" let him and his son (just four years old) go to the field alone, the result of returning to the father out of control, from time to time said "son, another day we two go on a trip again", the son in the play, but also took the initiative to invite the father to participate (this is never before), such a process let their father and son establish a close connection, but also let the father find their own sense of existence and achievement. It seems that if you want your father to participate in child-rearing, your mother must be "fierce" enough.
5, the baby is sick, the father please take leave as a companion
When seeing a doctor in the clinic, it is often the mother who talks to the doctor, the father is only responsible for paying for the medicine, and even many times can not see the father's figure, of course, this can not be considered that the father does not love the baby, may feel that it is enough to have the mother, or they have to go to work to earn money for their mother and son. In fact, when the baby is sick, the father can be by his side, which is also a good opportunity for parent-child connection. Therefore, when the baby is sick, let the father take sick leave, accompany the baby to the hospital, take the baby to do the examination, communicate with the doctor, and listen to the parenting knowledge said by the doctor, so that the distance from the grandfather step by step is getting closer and closer.
When it comes to learning parenting knowledge, it may be that in the eyes of many fathers, they don't need to learn at all, they know how to educate their children, they always like to be self-righteous. Bao Mom can not be in a hurry at this time, need to give dad a little bit of scientific parenting knowledge, such as dad looking at the baby cough, want to give him medicine, you can tell him why the cough knowledge, slowly he will know, the original use of cough medicine is not a good thing for the baby, you can give a little honey (babies over 1 year old can use honey to stop cough), the next time the baby has a cough, he will give the baby some honey to eat for the first time. In fact, Dad's mind is also very delicate, but sometimes we have done a lot of things, and there is no room for them to show.
Scientific parenting is not a matter for the mother alone, but also the father's unshirkable responsibility, but in the face of self-righteous fathers, hard can only use soft, when he sees the effect of scientific parenting, he will also join in, that depends on the mother's wisdom.
Finally, if you want your father to participate in parenting, you must give him the opportunity to experience, don't care whether you do it well or not, as long as you do it, you encourage it, so that he will be happy to do it, and he is more willing to do it, and from then on, your father will be successfully cultivated, you just have nothing to steal, haha.
| References:
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/preemie/Pages/About-Skin-to-Skin-Care.aspx
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a658/bonding-after-birth