Is your dad a super dad or a dumpster? Anyway, the mothers around me are judging their own fathers are a word "useless", and I don't know if they are really busy at work, or they don't want to care about the children at all, they come back late every day, sometimes it is difficult to come back early, they are also paralyzed on the sofa playing mobile phones, the children are next to the father to play with, and the father is also absent-minded.
It seems that the family of three is neat and tidy, but in fact, Dad is like an invisible person.
The famous relationship psychologist Hu Shenzhi divided invisible dads into six categories:
1, strong women and weak men, invisible fathers
The strong women here mainly refer to the fact that the mother is relatively strong and authoritarian, does not respect the father's opinion, and often accuses and reprimands the father, who has no right to speak and no decision at home.
2, only want to pursue self-achievement of the father
This type of dad is always busy achieving self-worth, his marriage may be for himself, and having children is not because he loves children, but needs to inherit his excellent genes.
3, greedy, quit the "boy's" father
This type of father seems to love to play more than the child, and is more willing to go out to drink and chat with friends after work, play football, occasionally play with the child, and the housework is not willing to bear.
4. Fathers who avoid the relationship between husband and wife
Many fathers avoid going home after work, because they will quarrel with their wives, the relationship between husband and wife is very tense, so they prefer to sit in the car in a daze, smoke, listen to music, and come home late when they can go home late.
5, Ma Bao male father
This kind of father himself and his mother have not completed separation, have not grown up, are childish and selfish, and how to set an example for their sons to be male.
6, do not know how to participate in the father
This type of dad doesn't know what the role of "dad" should do and how to interact with their children.
Behind these invisible fathers, in fact, reflects a common social fact, that is, many men are missing their cognition of another role "father", they only assume the "male authority", but do not assume the "father's office".
In "The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children", organized by the U.S. Department of Health, 7 functions that fathers should have are proposed:
If you want to complete these 7 functions, you need to pay a lot of energy costs, such as spending time with your children, how to accompany your children? If the father just stays by the child's side, plays with the mobile phone, and responds absently to the child, this kind of companionship is ineffective.
The famous psychologist Hu Shenzhi wrote in his book "If Father's Love Is Absent":
The reason why many fathers do not become fathers, on the one hand, is that when they were young, they were not nourished by a qualified father, just like being a mother, the school textbooks do not teach men how to be a good father, and male parents rarely tell their sons how to be a father.
Therefore, many fathers are harsh on their children, criticizing, reprimanding, doting, ignoring, just reproducing their father's behavior, how their father treated himself, and now he treats his children in the same way, these are unconscious behaviors.
Many fathers may say that they have a lot of socializing, busy work, I have to earn money to support the family, the child let the mother to educate is also OK, we can divide the work in this way, but if the education of the child is not the mother alone can complete, the impact of men and women on the child is inherently different.
1. For the daughter, the significance of the father's love cannot be absent is:
The father is the daughter's first image of male cognition, the father is to affect the daughter's expectations of other men, in the long run, it is to affect the daughter's mate selection criteria, the daughter's process of finding the other half, in fact, is also in the pursuit of the ideal father.
If the daughter can get a lot of love and affirmation from her father in childhood, the stronger the ability to resist setbacks and self-healing when she grows up, the stronger the ability to handle gender relations, and the more self-confidence.
2. For the son, the meaning of father's love cannot be absent is:
The father is the first image of the son's cognition of men, that is, the initial source of his own gender cognition, and the son realizes through his father what a man is, what a husband is, and what a father is.
Sons who lose their fathers are prone to lack the decisiveness and enterprising spirit that men should have.
Dad affects the way his son thinks, and how much his intellect is developed.
Dad's involvement helps boys to get through the "Oedipus complex" well, completing separation and dependence from Mom.
In the current parenting environment, it seems that there are more requirements for mothers, and mothers' requirements for themselves have also increased, but we must not forget that father's love and mother's love are equally important.
We will eventually become more and more like our parents, if we do not have strong self-awareness, do not learn to improve ourselves, change our behavior, men and women who have not been treated gently, can not be a qualified father, a qualified mother.
There are too many books on the market for mothers to read, yesterday, I finally saw a book dedicated to dad: "If Father Love Is Absent", this book is the work of the famous psychologist Hu Shenzhi, who is also a father of two children, in which he expounds on the anxiety of contemporary dads, why dads are absent, and how dads are self-aware and involved in parenting.
I suggested that my father and mother read it together, and I read it aloud and my husband spent two nights reading it, looking at it to find out why he was absent, discussing how we could solve this problem, and whether I had marginalized my father as a wife.
In the past, I thought that as long as I was professional and strong enough, I could bring my son well, but after reading this book, I found that what my son needed more was a male benchmark, and this man was not me, but a qualified father, especially after the boy reached the age of 6, he needed an excellent man as his template.
As a father, you should first understand the importance of your own growth from the cognitive level, not just to make money, but the transmission of excellent qualities, this book is worth reading repeatedly, the following link can start.
If the Father is absent from the ¥32 purchase