The recent case reminds me of Zane in "What a Home".
(1) Zane, who has super survivability
"What a Home" tells the story of 12-year-old boy Zane, the eldest son of the family, who is forced to work to deliver to a local grocery store in order to support himself and his siblings; when Zane's parents sell his sister to a grocer, Zane is extremely sad and leaves the house to start fending for himself. A series of experiences, contradictions intensified, and finally Zane sued his parents for "being born without raising, raising without teaching.". Well, that's an important theme of the movie.
However, when watching the movie "Why Home", one of the points that shocked me was: how did the protagonist Zane give birth to such a strong ability to survive in such a barren original family environment?
He transported heavy gas cans with his weak body; he used his skillful skills to go to the pharmacy to buy prescription drugs and then make drugs with his mother; he took care of his young siblings; he guided his sister Saha to face menstruation like a gentle mother... He carried Jonas to find his mother who had suddenly "left", to the streets in search of milk powder and food for survival...
The savage-grown Zane has a maturity beyond his actual age.
(2) Simple and tough mountain girl
In a recent case, the client was born in a poor mountainous area, because her parents preferred sons to daughters, she did not have access to high school and college, because of this regret, she has been curious for many years, finished secondary school and junior college, and found her own economic independence in first-tier cities, and still wants to seek to expand career possibilities and seek advice.
After consulting with her, I found that just like the background of birth, her original resources were poor, the development of interests was insufficient, and she still carried unconscious inferiority and restraint, but under the poverty, there was another resource, a simple tenacity. It was this simple tenacity that laid an independent economic foundation for her; this continued tenacity accumulated resources for her continued development for the rest of her life.
After doing the case, I deeply sighed: this is really a positive model. I am afraid that this is a good source of stimulation for those who have a better living environment and often complain about insufficient resources.
(3) The reaction force of the dilemma
The Environment of the Jedi inspires Zane's fighting spirit to survive; unequal treatment reinforces the mountain girl's thirst for knowledge. The poverty of resources forces them to seize all the resources they can grasp and stimulate different survival energy.
The persecution of survival makes them have no reason to back down, they fight to face it again and again, and finally gain the ability to survive in the game with the world.
In their experiences, I saw that because I was not nourished and not taken care of, I grew a kind of "my own decision" motivation and space. Times create heroes, and dilemmas have different counterforces.
On the other hand, those who have a better living environment, whose parents are too concerned or even manipulative, will lack tempering in the early stages of life, rely on their parents' arrangements, and have insufficient courage in the face of challenges, and dare not risk trial and error. Some people will always cater to their parents' expectations, and finally find out one day when they grow up that my life has not been my life. Those who still have the little flame of self need to tell the world again and again: "I am not what you think, I want to live my life." So they may have spent too much effort arguing, but the actual steps taken were very small, and this emotional consumption became another obstacle on the way forward.
Of course, from the perspective of growth, these two types of people have their own traumas and their own growth propositions. I'm not encouraging you to ignore your children, ignore them, or even add frustration to your own children. You can imagine that Zane is very tired, and if there is a warm embrace, he must have a good night's sleep.
Parents give their children love, and every step ahead of the child will have full strength and security; parents give their children space, and children can explore independently, exercise their ability to survive in the world, and live their own way.
So back to adults, what is there to learn from?
If today, we are the ones who are overprotected (controlled) and curled up, please give ourselves a new home today after adulthood: to become the parents of your own inner children, just like your own children, never forget to give yourself love, accept your own wandering and timidity, give yourself encouragement and support, listen to the voice of the heart, encourage yourself to take risks to take a step, to collide with the world, you will gradually regain the confidence to survive in the process.
This medal of life can only be won by yourself after all. Come on!
Hello everyone! I am Bingbing, a consultant who likes to tell insights in plain language. If you need help with career planning and psychological support, feel free to contact me!