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The older generation will always say: "It is a blessing to suffer a loss."
Once I only understood its literal meaning, and every time I was wronged, I comforted myself that "it is a blessing to suffer a loss."
But when the responsibilities that should not have been borne by myself were thrown on myself one after another, I began to doubt the correctness of this sentence. In the end, we found that our understanding of this sentence in the inheritance actually deviated greatly.
The old ancestor said that the loss is a blessing does not mean that the loss itself is a blessing, but that through the loss we will encounter many things that we would not encounter under normal circumstances, and by reflecting on these negative things, we can learn experiences that will help the growth of life.
In fact, the biggest misunderstanding in life is called "suffering loss is a blessing".
Young people always mistakenly use the blessing of loss to cover up our cowardice and incompetence, but in retrospect, who would really thank those who upset us?
All we are thankful for is ourselves who have not given up. As Zhang Shaohan, who has suffered betrayal, said in the "Spit Conference": "I never thank them, hurt is hurt, without these hurts, I become very strong!" Not only am I born inspirational, I am also born strong. ”
Of course, we have to face everything dialectically. Suffering losses is a blessing, but when individuals seek survival in society, they still have to learn to take the initiative to suffer losses, but at this time, you must understand what the purpose of active losses is.
For example, if you have just entered a certain field, if you have not eaten a loss at all, it is easy to give others the impression of "scheming", so that the people around you are defensive against you, so it is appropriate to eat some losses, which is a kind of weakness, giving others the opportunity to approach, so as to gain the recognition of some society.
Suppose I work with others to do business, I give more profits to the collaborators, on the surface I suffer losses, but I get the high appreciation of the collaborators, as well as the opportunity for long-term cooperation, and finally get long-term sustainable profits.
Such a loss is not a pure loss, but a strategy of retreating into the future, a means of approach, and the ultimate purpose is to obtain more benefits.
Of course, if the concession does not get the recognition it deserves, it is necessary to know how to stop the loss.
If you let others trample on your personality and dignity, what you can get is not a blessing, but eternal humility. Unprincipled concessions do not usher in the quiet of the years, but the endless oppression of others.
Psychologists have made a game of bet size. One group of subjects was placed against a ragged, shy and shy person, while the other group of subjects was placed against a confident man in a suit and shoes. Do subjects have the power to choose at random?
The results of the experiment showed that subjects obviously placed bigger bets when playing against well-dressed people.
The reason why they made this choice is because the other party seems to be weaker and has a greater probability of winning. Fear of the strong and bully the weak are human instincts.
Therefore, if forbearance fails to achieve the desired results, then toughness is the best choice.
People have different attitudes toward different behaviors from different education and cultivation, some people can feel the goodwill of others, and some people cannot, only through a tough attitude to make him submit.
The latter type of person has a greater proportion in the population.
If someone fails to feel your goodwill, be sure not to give in unprincipledly, people's lives will encounter many forks in the road, some of the road is wrong, may affect a person's life, some losses should not be eaten, the counterattack should be counterattacked, the fear should be feared.
We must learn to flexibly apply the concept that suffering losses is a blessing, if eating the immediate loss can usher in long-term benefits, then temporary grievances can also be, but if not, it is not necessary. In some cases, the more people who suffer losses, the more unfortunate they are.
Dickens said, "Wherever I go, I go looking for happiness, and I will never go anywhere to find pain, because I was born to be a pleasure-seeker." "People are essentially profit-seeking and avoiding harm, and no one chooses to die in order to feel the fear of death (except for the mentally ill).
Egoism is our instinct, it is not shameful, we humans have been able to evolve to this day, relying on human egoistic instincts.
Psychologist Feinberg once said, "What anyone can ultimately desire or seek can only be her own personal interest." ”
That is to say, it is always only the self-interest that drives people's behavior. If anything violates this principle, the person who is in it will actually be uncomfortable.
Just as when we believe that "to suffer loss is a blessing", but always to suffer loss makes us feel painful.
To some extent, suffering loss is a blessing, it is the wrong view formed by human beings because of cognitive bias, so it will react in the process of practice, so the best way is to respect their own feelings, and always be vigilant against the existence of their own cognitive bias, in a pluralistic and objective way to know themselves, to know the things around them.
- The End - Author | Tommy Edit | Rain The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars 参考资料：Vogel, D. L., & Wester, S. R. (2003). To seek help or not to seek help: The risks of self-disclosure. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 50(3), 351. WeChat public account: the first psychology