Text/Yu Sheng
When you especially like a person, you are willing to spend time and energy to wait, but waiting does not necessarily have results, and some people are just waiting for an empty joy.
When watching "Witty Love", I got Li Qin's new quote: About waiting, in fact, everyone has a boundary in their hearts. Within the boundaries, you can wait, but beyond this deadline, even if this person appears again, he will choose to give up. Bottom lines and principles cannot be violated, and do not stay in place to blur the relationship.
I have to say that although Li Qin is single now, he can look at emotional problems more clearly than many people with particularly rich experience in love. I especially like her words, no matter how much I like a person, even if I am willing to be the one who waits, I must set limits for myself, do not wait aimlessly, exceed the psychological expectations, and learn to give up.
Li Qin's golden sentences really did not disappoint...
After experiencing some feelings, I understand that it is really too important to stop the loss in time, people don't have to consume themselves in a rotten relationship, if you can't wait to care, if you can't feel love, don't waste yourself. After all, people who have disappointed you once can't let you down only once.
In fact, this deadline is not a matter of deadlines, but of the bottom line. Everyone's bottom line is different, we can't give this bottom line a clear answer, but everyone's heart actually has its own judgment standard, beyond this standard, a relationship to give you the feeling of whether to continue or stop loss in time, you yourself know best. Any answer that you look for outside is just a reason to give yourself a dead heart.
Just like you love someone and you're willing to put in some bottom line, but you can never wake up a person who pretends to be asleep, and if the other person keeps ignoring it, then it should be let go.
I personally agree with her point of view, the most taboo thing about falling in love is the "love brain", so when you find something wrong, you should jump out and carefully analyze whether the relationship should continue, how to continue, rather than blur your bottom line again and again.
However, many people, the truth understands, as soon as they encounter their own emotional problems, they instantly become mentally retarded, shouting not to be a love brain, and they deserve to be called a competent.
Feelings are a process of giving and getting, everyone hopes to feel cared for from each other, but the success or failure of love needs time to support. As long as it is not love at first sight, as long as the two parties are not a hit-and-go, it is necessary to take time to run into each other.
However, feelings in the run-in process has a cost, not only the cost of time, but also the psychological gap and patience, lengthy time consumption will make the initial passion gradually diminish or even disappear.
Therefore, any relationship, if it exceeds the time node that your passion can wait for, then make a decision on the spot, it should be scattered, do not want to continue to love on the one hand, and the other side is embarrassed to say that separation, not wasting other people's feelings is the kindness that adults should have!
Of course, the feelings that are truly appropriate should not be set for the sake of setting limits. From a psychological point of view, the reason why some people set a deadline for their feelings is actually a kind of "overcorrection" psychology, especially women, who are more accustomed to doing so.
In fact, this is with a competitive mentality, maybe it has been hard enough before, paying a lot, but still did not get the results they wanted. So, simply break the jar and break it, give a deadline, and see if the other party can wake up on their own and redeem it.
The most obvious thing this kind of person does is to love without reservation, and finally force myself to set a deadline and tell myself: If he does not take the initiative after the last day, then I will accept the result and try to let go.
This may sound reasonable, but it's not actually a wise move, because strictly speaking, acceptance and abandonment are two different things.
The reason for doing this is nothing more than to change the expectations of your partner to a way of sustenance. I didn't really think about giving up this matter, but a person silently counted the days, and his heart became more and more uncomfortable day by day, but he knew better than anyone that hope was worth nothing, but he was just deceiving himself.
Regarding such a limit, there are nothing more than two results, either constantly lowering one's own deadline and constantly consuming oneself, or accumulating emotions to a certain extent and completely exploding.
But no matter which one, it is punishing yourself with the "unlove" of others, and you can't live with yourself. For people who know that there is no possibility of results, I do not recommend consuming themselves with the so-called "give him a deadline", which is not an adult love pattern, at least not a mature love behavior.
I think that when the relationship reaches a stage, some problems need to be spoken out directly, and two people clearly communicate and face each other frankly. Even in the future, it may be difficult to have results, but at least there is an opportunity to consider.
This time, not so much as consideration, may be said to be a decent retreat, you can try to change, and remind yourself, even if there is no person, you still have to improve yourself with the greatest energy.
How feelings develop sometimes depends on our own psychological expectations, and when we plan to a positive perspective, the emotional outcome is no longer important, because you will meet a better version of yourself and someone.
Principles and bottom lines are made up of many things, and sometimes you can't just lose with a single "feeling", give without reservation, and wait without scruples.
There are always people who say that girls have love to have the whole world, although love is very important in life, but there are more important things in life, love is only a part of life, even a less important part, never overly accommodate a person for love.
You know, if you are too accommodating, it is easy to lose yourself, lose the bottom line and principles. We have always stressed that equality is very important in intimate relationships, and if one person is particularly good to another person, it is good beyond common sense, and it is very likely that there will be no good results if you tolerate behavior that ordinary people cannot tolerate.
Because there is a word in the relationship, called "pampering and arrogance", some people are the more accustomed you are to him, the easier it is for him to fail you.
Having had an ex who weighed the pros and cons and split his legs, I understood even more about the importance of a timely stop loss. Sometimes the reason for the end of the relationship is not that they are not loved, but that they are dead-hearted.
Yu Qiuyu has such a saying: If you want something, let it go; if it can come back to you, it will always belong to you; if it does not come back, it is not yours at all.
Therefore, some of the limitations in the relationship are to give yourself decency. After hearing such a sentence, I was deeply touched: Don't wait for a person who will not come back, and don't love a person who doesn't love you, we have been in the camp all our lives, and in the end all we want is a person who knows the cold and knows the heat, and that person is not the person who betrays you, nor is he the one who looks at you coldly; that person, he may be late, but he will come.
There will be a day when I will also let go of my current attachment and reluctance, with a little regret, living a new life without you, the world is so big, who is less and who can't do it.
END
Yu Sheng Weixia: The style is changeable, the preference is single, and I know that you will come, so I am waiting