What have you done this holiday season?
Many people have to leave their hometown and parents again, is there any difference in the feeling this time?
In the issue of Vision 002: Wanting to Do the Right Thing in Your Life, we planned a feature: "Children's Room" — both empty rooms for new life to be laid out and empty rooms for parents to guard when they grow up and leave.
The same is an empty room, one comes and goes, it is not easy to come, it is not easy to go.
The most wonderful, happiest and most helpless emotions of life are hidden between these expectations and losses.
"Most of the world's love is for the purpose of aggregation, and only the love of parents and children is for the purpose of separation."
We've selected excerpts from the topic after growing up and leaving. You are also invited to talk about your own story.
"It hurts to think of not being able to take care of her"
Narrator: Mom: Zhu Fangqin, 49 years old
Child: Xiao Bei, 6 years away from home
When Xiao Bei's father died, she was still in junior high school, and the family conditions were very bad. To this day, not being able to give her a rich life and a complete home is my most regrettable thing. She grew up so old that she still lived in the same room as me.
I regret letting her go to Beijing to study. She is a stronger person, and when she encounters something unpleasant, she will definitely not tell me.
I felt very uncomfortable when I remembered that I was so far away and couldn't take care of her.
But now the child is more independent, she does not want to come back, I do not force it. She now comes back twice a year, each time is relatively tight, it is rare to come back, she also has her own arrangements, to go out to meet classmates and friends, so on the way to pick her up and take her home, we chat for the longest time. I still hope that she can start a family in the south in the future, but she has her own plans, so let it be.
Now that I finally don't care about her living expenses, I am a little more relaxed, but I still hope to do a little more when I do it, give her more, and make her life a little easier.
"After the child left,
It felt like I finally had a life of my own."
Narrator: Mom: Cheng Ying (pseudonym), 45 years old
Dad: Tang Shaojun (pseudonym), 46 years old
Child: Tang Xiaoyu, away from home for 2 years
Going abroad was proposed by the child himself, because of this matter, we also had an argument, and then he completely independently bought a plane ticket and found a companion, which made me think that the child's ability is really unlimited, I did not think for him, but he settled down himself.
At the beginning, I sent him WeChat every day, and slowly, the child adapted to the environment over there, and I didn't bother him so often. If he doesn't initiate contact for two or three days, I'll send a message and ask. I think very clearly, the child should support everything for the ideal, parents do not need to worry, one day he will grow up and leave, you can not tie him around, his health, happiness is more important than anything.
After the child left, I suddenly felt very relaxed and felt that I had my own life.
When his dad wasn't home, I ate in the cafeteria, no longer in a hurry, and took time to walk and get together with my sisters.
Even if he returns home after completing his studies, we will not live with him. Two generations have two generations of life, probably because I haven't gotten sick or can't get up yet. My lover and I thought about it for a long time, and after we retired, we went on a trip and made an appointment with good friends.
"Our generation of only child parents is the most embarrassed"
Narrator: Mom: Wen Jing (pseudonym), 55 years old
Dad: Wu Chao (pseudonym), 55 years old
Child: Diddy, 7 years away from home
Didi has been very independent since she was a child, and since the third grade of primary school, we have rarely worried about her in terms of learning and life, and my colleagues are very envious.
In fact, I feel a little lost in my heart: children grow up to be farther and farther away, and they don't need our care anymore.
Now, Didi is studying Chinese history in the United States. She's also a perfectionist, sometimes too busy to eat and rest, let alone in regular contact with us. Occasionally when I have free time with us, I also try to arrange the time when my grandparents are in the family.
There is no way, the child is not your private property, she has her own pursuits and life.
Grandpa was the most dissatisfied with this, and often complained to us that he could not see Diddy several times when he returned home.
Now Didi has been abroad for more than 7 years, after graduating with a doctorate to see if we can settle down, we will also go to see her, but not for long, me and her father have their own jobs, and the elderly to take care of.
The parents of our generation of only children are the most embarrassed, both to take good care of the elderly above, and not to be the burden of the only child.
"A child is a spiritual sustenance,
Nothing else."
Narrator: Mother: Qu Jinxiang, 60 years old
Dad: Hou Heliang, 61 years old
Child: Qu Cheng, 15 years away from home
Qu Cheng left home in his second year of high school, and it has been 15 years in the blink of an eye. When he was in elementary school, his father and I were very busy at work, and Qu Chengcheng was at home alone to make some food.
If I could live again, I would definitely not go to work and take good care of my child wholeheartedly, and my lifelong regret is that I did not make a good meal for the child when he was a child.
5 years ago, Qu Cheng returned from New Zealand to start a business, we did not buy a house in our lives, did not buy a car, the money saved was basically given to him, for him to study abroad, but also to provide financial support for him to start a business. He barely has time for recreation now, and it's early in the morning when he calls us.
After his child was born, I went to Beijing to see him for 4 years. It's been 4 years, and his dad won't take care of himself, so I run between Beijing and Jinan two or three times a month.
There is no way, and their own children cannot help. Now that my granddaughter is 4 years old, I am back in Jinan.
In the future, we will not ask for the care of the child, for us, the child is a spiritual sustenance, and the rest is nothing.
"After sending her home,
I couldn't stay at home at all."
Narrator: Dad: Pu Wen, 62 years old
Mother: Zhou Ruoli, 56 years old
Child: Xiaofei, 5 years away from home
There are two things I regret in my life, one of which is to let Xiaofei go abroad. Our father and daughter argued many times over this, and finally I compromised. Xiaofei was taken care of by me before she went to kindergarten, and her relationship with me was better than with her mother.
On the day I sent Xiaofei away, my child and I cried at the airport, and I may not have cried in front of so many people in my life.
When I was 16 years old, I was sent to the countryside, and the feeling of being alone, lonely and helpless after leaving home is still fresh in my memory, so I can't bear to watch my daughter suffer the same sin.
I remember sending her home, I couldn't stay at home at all, so I went out and walked around a lot, and I couldn't always go home when I wanted to come and go.
Two months before she left home, I sat in her room without a problem, and in order to be able to contact her, I learned to use the computer and chatted with her on QQ every day, eager to know what she was doing every moment.
In the blink of an eye, Xiaofei had been out for five years, and it seemed that she no longer needed to worry about and worry about it. In the future, how she wants to go is up to her to decide.
I used to think that there are some things we have experienced, so the experience we get can help children, but now I am a little confused, now the understanding of things between the two generations is very different, is our experience still applicable in this era?
Now I'm going to make my life a little more fulfilling and try to divert my attention away from my children.
How much time did you leave to chat with your parents this holiday season?
A friend said that usually with his parents always report good news and do not report worry, communication is limited to the surface of booing and asking for warmth, the Spring Festival together, originally wanted to chat more, and found that they are not familiar with each other's current life.
He later figured out a way to set up a video camera to interview his parents. I don't know if it was because of this sense of form, my parents told him a lot of stories about their youth, some of the tribulations and choices they experienced. Most of them were the first time he had heard of them. He was very fortunate to have such an exchange with his parents.
What did you find that impressed your parents this time?
The main content of this article is selected from
Vision 002: Wanting to Do the Right Thing in Your Life
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It is sold at CITIC Bookstore at airports across the country and bookstores in major cities