01
I have seen a saying like this: "More important than hard work, to improve your thinking level." ”
If you do not have a deep understanding of yourself and society, then your efforts are not of much value.
Blind efforts, it is better to stand still and wait and see what happens.
People who are keen on socializing and desperately making friends are not simply for friendship, but often for some benefit, or are afraid of loneliness.
At a certain age, people can't shut out all social interactions, but they can do it, "alone" in the crowd, and remain silent in a lively environment, just like the "hermits" in the city.
On the surface, people who like to be alone and insist on silence are different and have no use value, in fact, they are confident enough to learn to look at the world coldly, and most of them have the following mentalities.
02
First, the mentality of being too lazy to speak, people have different levels from person to person, and there is no need to praise and echo each other.
During the Ming Dynasty, the literary scholar Xu Wei went out alone and spent the night in the Jingzhong Temple. The Zen master asked him to write a poem. He was gracious and embarrassed, and wrote with a pen: "Half a life has become a man, and the independent book is roaring in the evening wind." The pearl at the bottom of the pen has nowhere to sell, and it is idle and thrown in the wild vine. ”
A person who likes to read and write, but no one appreciates, poetry is as valuable as pearls, but no one appreciates, can not sell, can only be discarded casually. This is the sorrow of a literati.
In ancient times, Yu Boya met Zhong Zi period, although the identity of the two people is very different, but one can play the piano, one can listen to the sound of the piano, each other became confidants, leaving behind the ancient beauty of "high mountain flowing water meets zhiyin".
However, in real life, it is difficult for us to meet confidants, even people at the same level, and there are few.
Between people, because of the difference between hobbies, tutoring, knowledge, life experience, work environment, etc., the gap between thoughts and words is obvious.
In the social arena, they sneaked up on each other, but they wronged themselves, lifted others, or lowered their own level, and they were attached to Ya, and their hearts were very uncomfortable.
In fact, what you say, others don't understand; other people's words, you don't want to understand. Since this is the case, it is better to be silent, and do not gather in ordinary times, and see what is not clear.
03
Second, adhere to a low-key mentality, have a unique view of life, and appear quiet in the group.
During the Han Dynasty, Ma Yuan was an official in the imperial court, and he heard that his brother's son liked to discuss right and wrong, and befriended people who did not pay attention to morality. He hurriedly repaired a letter and sent it to his brother, hoping to strengthen discipline.
Ma Yuan said: "It is good to talk about the length and shortness of people, and it is not right to fa-rectification, and this is a great evil karma of my own, and I would rather die than hear that my descendants have this line." ”
It is immoral to join all kinds of circles and also gather together to discuss right and wrong. To be a human being, to hear about the faults of others, you should laugh. For all kinds of remarks, we should carefully sort out and strengthen self-warning.
Coincidentally, in the last years of the Qing Dynasty, Zeng Guofan formed the Xiang Army, and his younger brothers wanted to participate, but he resolutely opposed it, and later reluctantly took his younger brother Zeng Guobao with difficulty, but it was not reused. He told his brother to study hard and not to believe that there were any shortcuts.
When Zeng Guofan heard that his nephews were sitting on palanquins and flaunting their might, he immediately wrote a letter home and advised them to be low-key, rich and noble, and not to be too heavy.
In fact, socializing is not a relative concept. It's not that a person who doesn't have a friend is not gregarious; it's not that people with friends everywhere are very gregarious. People who can insist on being themselves in the group are superficially gregarious and innerly rejected; those who can be assimilated by others are blindly gregarious.
When people reach a certain age, they often can't help themselves. Just like Xu Shu in the Three Kingdoms period, "in Cao Ying's heart in Han", half confused, half sober.
When a person has been very low-key, he will seem out of place.
04
Third, the mentality of not asking about the world, more is better than less, less nosy to cultivate the spirit.
In the "Buried Room Ming", it is written: "You can tune the piano and read the Golden Scripture." There is no silk bamboo messy ear, no case of labor shape. ”
Perhaps, many people envy the life of seclusion, but not many people can do it. After all, people's bones like to be lively, too light life, feel tasteless.
Only those who have experienced the ups and downs, seeing through life, will really realize that they can hide themselves, live quietly, and can really focus on doing their own things.
During the Tang Dynasty, Han Yu took the meritorious name and devoted himself to the people, but he was still degraded many times. For example, in order to explain that local officials lied about the grain harvest and the people were expropriated of grain, he wrote "On the Drought of Heaven and the Hunger of the People", so he was demoted to Yangshan County, Lianzhou.
When Han Yu was tired of the officialdom, he said, "I will decide when to go in and out of the way today, and I will be stupid and follow the dynasty for ten years." ”
More than ten years of life experience made him feel very uneasy. Although there is a lily, he feels very unhappy and feels like a rat stealing.
When a person experiences something uncomfortable and looks down on the world, there will be a kind of "nothing matters" idea. Really good to think, put down everything, every day can sit alone in the small building, warm water to make tea.
I like a sentence: "A person leaves, not because he doesn't like the unit, but because he doesn't like the people in the unit." ”
Not fit in, still very silent, is fleeing from the crowd, but also away from right and wrong, protecting themselves.
05
Fourth, the mentality of becoming stronger alone, the road ahead, walking alone, stumbling and stumbling must also be insisted on.
A person walking alone in silence is not pretending to be high, but he is trying to find a way to find his own, and life is very confident.
It is better to rely on who is better than on yourself. If you tie your fate to others, then you have to look at other people's faces, and even give others a cushion.
In martial arts novels, we often see the words "retreat cultivation". Some masters, at a certain time, will stay alone in a certain place, practicing martial arts without distraction, and taking their skills to a higher level.
Many of the principles of dealing with people in the world are not taught to you by others, but you have "realized" from all kinds of things.
Along the way, life is self-aware of cold and warm, and treating loneliness as enjoyment is a success in itself.
06
I have seen such a passage: "Human life can never be left alone and exist alone, no matter where we go and what we live like, loneliness is like a shadow, accompanying around." ”
It is true that true loneliness is not sitting alone in the wilderness, but walking alone in the crowd, but not a person who understands himself, nor can he see a sincere smile.
People come and go, high friends are full of seats, this is a pursuit of interests, if not, why do we often be troubled by socializing, tired because of socializing?
So, really smart people, used to being alone, don't want to talk, walk alone, look at the scenery alone, pretty good.
Attachment to others is like a green vine wrapped around a tree; talking loudly is as annoying as a cicada in summer.
As long as you treat people kindly, how to live, will be comfortable.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.